Police station
A uniformed sergeant is behind the reception desk and the phone rings.
Sergeant:
"Hello Hotton road police station Sergeant Ellis speaking"
Hesitant Voice
"Hello I don't want to waste your time but I read in the paper that you are looking for an Eskimo"
Sergeant:
"It's Inuit sir they're called Inuit
Hesitant Voice
"I'm sorry Inuit, I don't wish to offend anyone, its just that I been calling them Eskimos since I was at school"
Sergeant
"No harm done sir, now this Eski, Intitition , this chap with the harpoon, do you know where he is then?"
Nervous Voice
"No that's my point, it's just a long shot but..."
Sergeant
Interjects sarcastically
"Your not a clairvoyant are you sir?"
Nervous Caller
Offended
"No I'm not!"
Sergeant
"Wizard?"
Nervous Voice
Now very firm
"I happen to be the manager of Tesco Metro on Kyle St. I just rang up to tell you that we have had a very strange email ordering food to a house on the Forth estate"
Sergeant
"They'll eat and drink anything up there, do you know we had one soft bugger who was half way through a................."
Nervous Voice
Stern Interjection
"It was in the worst English I've ever read"
Sergeant
"They can write now eh, they must have brought in someone in from out of town"
Nervous
"They ordered six boxes of fresh fish and used a card in the name E S Kimo"
Sergeant
Bolt upright, grabs a pen
"Excellent, sorry about the mix up sir, now you just give us five minutes and I'll have a swat team drop this little load off.
Tesco Van
The rear is full of SWAT type cops, the driver has a Tesco top over his stab vest and a metro hat on his head that is tiny.
Radio
"Go Go Go!"
The police rush the house and kick in the door, they shout "police" as they search the bottom rooms then they turn their attention to the stairs.
All the police are now congregated outside a door on the upstairs landing; they kick it in without warning and then stand back in shock.
There is a Bear sitting at a little desk typing on the internet in the far corner there is a Japanese tourist gagged and tied to a chair.
The police shoot the bear dead and the sergeant walks over and lowers the Japanese tourists gag as he speaks.
Sergeant
"I take it you're Mr E S Kimo?"
The man nods
The sergeant gets on his radio.
"False alarm, it was another f**king Bear!"
