This is another section of what I sent to Harry Hill as an example of my work.
Having seen that long pieces only cause grief I have kept it short, but is it sweet?
In Deed
I put my passport in the washing machine by accident.
(I had meant to put it in a drawer)
When I got it out it didn't look too bad, but then I noticed that half my name had been washed off.
I decided to act quickly and went straight down to the passport office.
(I left half a cup of tea with three bourbons on the saucer)
When I got there I gave my name into the receptionist and then sat down and waited
(She said it wouldn't take long)
After I had been waiting three hours I went back over and asked the receptionist how much longer I had to wait?
She told me that she had actually called my name out three times.
I assured her that I had not moved from my seat.
(I was tempted to visit the water fountain in the far corner and have a free drink but I resisted)
Then I remembered that the passport office is one of those places that call you by your last name first and your first name last.
(I was wondering why everyone kept shouting Hillary)
Once I explained to the receptionist that I thought she was saying 'Hillary' we laughed for about ten minutes.
(Then they said it was closing time and I that I would have to come back the next day!)
When I got there the next morning the Passport offices waiting room had been flooded
(I knew that water fountain was dangerous)
The receptionist informed me that they were now using the Deed Poll offices waiting room during the emergency
(I was quite nervous as I never been in an emergency waiting room before)
When I walked into the Deed Poll Waiting room there were five people already in there,so I had no idea how many were in the actual passport queue.
I decided to look around to see if I could establish who was waiting for what.
The man in front of me looked extremely familiar at first I thought it was Wayne Sleep, but it turned out to be his brother Arthur!
(Deed Poll Job)
I was just about to ask the receptionist if they called out first names last like the Passport office, but then she called out Royd, Emma and the young lady in question went into the booth.
When I did get seen, they told me that it would take ten working days for me to get my passport.
(Anyone who can count knows that's really a fortnight)
I explained that I was due appear at a charity bash in Tokyo for Dolphin friendly Tuna
(Tuna are by nature stand offish but if we can get these two to at least talk it's a start)
The man behind the counter said he would see what he could do.
As I was waiting a woman came into the booth and said 'Mary Christmas' I was going to tell her it was July.
(Then I twigged and told her that the deed poll booth was next one along)
When the man came back he told me it would definitely take ten days to process my passport. However as I needed to fly to Japan the next day for charitable reasons and because my name hadn't been washed off completely he said he had an idea.
Hey told me that they would keep hold of my passport and make me an emergency deed Poll appointment
(They're very rare and what with the emergency waiting room as well, things were getting a bit too pacey for me)
Within minutes I was called into the Deed Poll booth and the man inside was extremely friendly, he just ticked all the relevant boxes on the form and then he stood up and shook my hand and bowed as he gave me back my passport and said have a nice holiday Mr Ha Hi
