You could try trimming things down a bit by cutting out all the wrylies and camera directions...
Just stick to the dialogue, it's definitely your strong point...
Harry Hill Page 3
Quote: Badge @ July 13 2011, 11:06 PM BSTIt's too long.
Tou beaucoup et badge?
I think you may need to watch some Harry Hill again. Because you seem to have caught the obsession with toys, surrealism and mundanity.
But only in the crudest sense. You haven't got the style or the rhythmn at all.
Harry's stuff is actually very quick, with lots of changes in subject aand call backs.
This isn't.
I know that now, its my own fault, I thought it was good but others don't so I'll have to get over it.
I may edit it down to just the puppet section as people (including myself) seem to find long stuff too daunting to even read.
Its not a problem I write about forty pages a session so I'll put this down to experience, but thanks for the feedback.
Hmmm, I've read Paddalack's stuff before and liked it, and I've seen some of the stuff that Bussell has posted and thought it was good. But which is better, Paddalack or Bussell? There's only one way to find out....Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhtttt!!!!!!
Quote: Trabs @ July 14 2011, 11:38 AM BSTHmmm, I've read Paddalack's stuff before and liked it, and I've seen some of the stuff that Bussell has posted and thought it was good. But which is better, Paddalack or Bussell? There's only one way to find out....Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhtttt!!!!!!
See, now that is funny.
I've seen you and your not! So lets leave it that eh!
Copied from my last post in your 'Stay The Pace' thread:
Teddy (this is genuinely not meant to be patronising),
Do you remember when you were a kid and you would play down the Red Wreck, with your old mates, and it was fun.
Then a new kid came along, he seemed ok and seemed to like doing the things you all did.
Then the new kid started to become a bit 'off'. Overreacting to things, getting a bit aggressive, spoiling the atmosphere etc.
I don't know what you did in your gang but in ours that new kid, if he carried on, would eventually be ignored until he disappeared. Sometimes the new kid would settle down, finding the tempo of the group, and become just one of the gang.
I still consider myself to be pretty new around here. There are some very talented knowledgeable people on her who are prepared to read others work and give honest feedback. Take the feedback, and either take it on board or chose to ignore it. Falling out with people is a sure fire way of being ignored. If you are serious about writing for a living you don't want to be falling out with anyone (unless it is completely necessary). In all walks of life people know people, who know people, who know people.
I would still like to see you down the Red Wreck.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 13 2011, 10:53 PM BSTConfession
I thought it was good I did like it, but it was too long and I should have edited it.
These are points I can work on.In relation to my rage, all that got me going was that knobhead, chisel chested two stone stand up, coming on here and chatting bubbles like he was Roman F**king Polanski.
Have you seen his act? He does that pile of shite in front of about ten people and then has the cheek to come on here like he's a major TV producer/ script writer/ Director. He's a f**king cheeky twat, I'm waiting for him to throw his Bafta stuff up so I can see how an expert does it.,
The sad thing is that quilt couldn't write funny with a broken pen and he comes on here like he's the f**king Chaucer of Chuckles.
Mental.
Will thanks for that post and I didn't see it as patronising at all, I understand what it is you mean and thank you for your wise words.
The thing is I do accept criticism and I do take on board what some posters say whether it is positive or negative, that's why I put the stuff up.
My problem is with a certain section on this site who seem to snipe rather than comment and it's not just me they aim at either.
Some go off on a tangent about production problems like we are on the set of Ben Hur, while all you're really trying to establish is whether what you're putting up is funny
Whilst with some others from the outset you get the acrid taste of their hatred which is often borne out of their own short comings.
Then there's the little barbed comments like the last poster, who called me mental, no comment on any of the stuff I put up, just a jibe.
If you want a childhood analogy of the predicament the best I can offer is this:
As a kid and as a man I have NEVER backed out of a fight, I will go toe to toe with anyone and shake their hand after it.
I have never let anyone give me a spineless little snipe and not pulled that person on the spot, I'm just not like that in real life.
If someone pans my gear because they don't think its funny then there's no problem and often they are right to do so and I get my head around the points made.
But there also exists some petty minded snipers and they really get my back up, because I know in real life these types wouldn't dare say what they say to a persons face.
Dunno what's going on here. Liked the ACAP joke.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 14 2011, 2:24 PM BSTThen there's the little barbed comments like the last poster, who called me mental, no comment on any of the stuff I put up, just a jibe.
Others had already said everything that's needs said about the piece.
If you can't understand why I made the comment under the post of yours I quoted, then I don't know what to tell you.
Teddy chalk this one upto experience.
And for the first time in ages I post those fateful letters.
YWB
That said look at the thrashing some of my shite's taken.
It made me the broken husk I am today.
You could say that you are a co writer with Bussell, then perhaps your jibe becomes relevant.
Tag wrestlers are worse than wrestlers in my book.
Sooty
You know I have to ask?
You've Written Better.
N.B. there are some people on this site who seriously know their comedy onions. Bussell is one of them, generally if he comments it's worth listening.
He might know about Onions but he knows jack shit about comedy, the gimps a lemon, have you seen his act?.
If he did cruise liners he be found dead in the dock!
Stand up, he should be told to sit f**king down!
You're right about the other stuff though I have written better.