SKETCH: Common Myths - EXPOSED!

TITLECARD reads "Common Myths: EXPOSED!"

TEXT fades in underneath: "Number 4: A Watched Pot".

INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
A rather normal-looking kitchen. A bespectacled MAN stands in the middle, a white lab coat, balding, sprigs of hair shooting out at all manner of uncouth angles.

MAN
A watched pot never boils... or does it?

He flicks the switch of a kettle, stares penetratingly at it.

An inordinate length of time seems to lapse; in reality, perhaps as much as five seconds.

FADE OUT

INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT.
FADE IN.

MAN is still locked in a ferocious staring match with the kettle.

Crickets chirp, owls hoot.

FADE OUT.

INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
FADE IN.

The sun is coming up. A Cock crows.

MAN is looking distinctly perturbed.

MAN
I don't-

ECU of plug socket: the switch is off.

MAN
Ahh.

He turns it on. Picks up a phone, dials.

MAN
I won't be coming in today.

Hangs up, flicks switch. Stares.

After a few seconds, the kettle starts to rattle and give off steam. The switch clicks.

MAN (into camera)
Exposed!

He grins and gives us the thumbs up sign.

Pours the water into a cup, stirs, drinks, spits it out.

MAN
It's cold. Cold!! Damnit!

He takes the kettle, chucks the water straight out of the window, it hits a passing woman. She screams, her face immediately red, steam plumes off her cranium.

WOMAN
It burns! My eyes! MY EYES!!!

She stumbles about in agony.

MAN looks into the camera sternly, then grins. Puts his thumb up.

MAN (self-satisfied)
Exposed!

I don't understand this. Why was it cold to him? Makes no sense.

I'd have stopped at around about when he noticed it wasn't switched on...

Quote: Lady Laughter @ July 8 2011, 2:59 PM BST

I don't understand this. Why was it cold to him? Makes no sense.

View original

...that's the point... it's supposed to be stretching reality, surreal, screwball, and, dare I say it, "zany".

Meh, different strokes.

Quote: RedZed333 @ July 8 2011, 3:24 PM BST

I'd have stopped at around about when he noticed it wasn't switched on...

View original

Maybe, yes. This concept could even be several sketches through-out an episode or through-out a series (and, indeed, I have written a few already).

Cheers.

Hey Bryan, I like this idea of an ongoing "debunking myths" series of sketches with a hapless presenter/scientist fella.

RedZed is right though, the sketch ends naturally and satisfyingly when he wakes up at realises the kettle is unplugged. The fact he bends reality to confirm his "truths" would be a good staple in each skit.

Quote: Bryan Parry @ July 8 2011, 1:55 PM BST

He takes the kettle, chucks the water straight out of the window, it hits a passing woman. She screams, her face immediately red, steam plumes off her cranium.

WOMAN
It burns! My eyes! MY EYES!!!

She stumbles about in agony.

MAN looks into the camera sternly, then grins. Puts his thumb up.

MAN (self-satisfied)
Exposed!

View original

Now this bit made me laugh 'cause its a funny little incident but would go well as a bit of hostile-slapstick toward the end of a different unrelated set up...

ie; A Man decides he's gonna stop drinking coffee to improve his life, throws kettle through window- hits woman - AND, I feel the woman's scream/ dialogue would defo work a lot better if heard off camera (without the visiual, pluming steam etc)

I agree that it could have ended at the plug, and think it might make a nice runner.

The cold hot thing didn't work for me either, yes it's a bit left field but being in isolation it made me have to ask the question rather than laugh at the switch.

Maybe if he later grabs the kettle thinking it to be cold, thus proving his 'exposure' theory, but it's now so hot he yelps and chucks it unintentionally out the window etc, etc...

A good idea and worked up until he found the switch to be off, without some sort of reason to believe why he tasted cold water and the woman tasted hot that part fails to work.

A man stands beside the cooker and stares at the kettle, he takes a look at his watch, looks into the camera.

MAN:
Well, I make that twenty minutes, more than enough time to prove my theory that a watched kettle never boils...

The man takes the kettle off the cooker. It's HOT..!

MAN:
You seeeeaaarrrgggghhhh....!!!

The man jettisons the kettle, it sails out the window.

WOMAN: (O.S)
Arrrrgghhh, I'm blinded...!!!

Man wearing a handkerchief wrapped around his hand leans forward and switches off camera.

Quote: RedZed333 @ July 9 2011, 12:49 PM BST

Man wearing a handkerchief wrapped around his hand leans forward and switches off camera.

View original

Very clever, that really works!

TONY, clothing tattered and torn and blood pouring from a gaping wound to his hand, rushes into the room, slams the door and leans against it catching his breath.

He takes out his mobile phone, dials and speaks.

TONY:
Hello, Steve? It's Tony. I really don't think this 'Let sleeping dogs lie' thing is going to work...

Hi guys for all the fantastic feedback!

My initial idea was to have this character appear in a series of sketches "EXPOSING" some nonsense or other.

He would also have a rival, even crankier looking than him, who COUNTER-EXPOSES theories.

I've written a few sketches already, but your ideas -- especially RedZed -- would also work pretty well in the context.

I may well post up ideas for a string of sketches for these characters.

Cheers folks again for all the encouraging feedback.