2 Quickfire Sketches Page 2

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 6 2011, 2:12 PM BST

Make no mistake I don't like you at all, I think you're creepy.
As for 35 years in the'Biz' I have to presume you started off in Jan 1975 then got life in prison and you got out a few months ago, its the only explanation, because you're not in the slightest bit funny!

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I didn't say I was In the "Biz". If you want to use quotation marks, at least make it a quote. I am a comedy fan, I have performed but only at an amateur level.

I don't care about you thinking I am funny or not - I have only submitted a couple of sketches anyway.

"I don't know how such a small minded spite filled cretin like you got the notion that you're funny" - now THAT's a quote, from Mr P himself. And people say I'm the mean one...

I thought you were going to post something funny. Tick tock tick tock tick tock..

Skitzo much?

Help or hinder?

SKETCH 1:
INT. TUDOR HOUSE. DAY.
A beardy man dressed in full Elizabethan garb including neck frill sits at his writing desk, quill in hand.

POET
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

He sits deep in thought for a moment. We see he is contemplating his fat, ugly wife who is slumped in a chair by the fire opposite him eating a raw potato. She raises one buttock and breaks wind loudly.

POET
Nope.

He scrumples up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder.

I like that one.

But both are good the first one has a bizarre super simple simplicity

SHAKESPEARE IS AT A DESK WRITING

"Too be or not to be?"

PULL BACK TO REVEAL HE IS PLAYING BATTLESHIPS WITH SIR FRANCIS BACON

SIR FRANCIS BACON

"Not too be!"

Quote: The Cool Mikado @ July 6 2011, 4:33 PM BST

Help or hinder?

SKETCH 1:
INT. TUDOR HOUSE. DAY.
A beardy man dressed in full Elizabethan garb including neck frill sits at his writing desk, quill in hand.

POET
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

He sits deep in thought for a moment. We see he is contemplating his fat, ugly wife who is slumped in a chair by the fire opposite him eating a raw potato. She raises one buttock and breaks wind loudly.

POET
Nope.

He scrumples up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder.

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Action speaks louder than words - Drop the 'Nope'...

SHAKESPEARE IS SITTING WRITING AT A DESK

SHAKESPEARE
"If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you prick us do we not laugh? If you wrong us do we not avenge?"

PULL BACK TO REVEAL HE IS ACTUALLY IN AN AUDIENCE WITH SIR FRANCIS BACON, QUEEN ELIZABETH IS DOING STANDUP ON THE STAGE

SIR FRANCIS BACON
"Verily sirrah stop heckling!"

The first one made me laugh, I don't know why because it isn't really a joke but it made me laugh and I like it and the "nope - tosses paper away" still makes me smirk.

The second one, not to sound thick, but I couldn't tell what happened? was the prostitute his daughter so he drowned her?

Quote: Jack Daniels @ July 6 2011, 6:23 PM BST

The first one made me laugh, I don't know why because it isn't really a joke but it made me laugh and I like it and the "nope - tosses paper away" still makes me smirk.

The second one, not to sound thick, but I couldn't tell what happened? was the prostitute his daughter so he drowned her?

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I think I may need to rephrase slightly.

His daughter is a slag / slapper / whore / ho, ie, a loose young girl, and he flings the newborn child into the river...

...nowt funny than the infanticide of your own grandchildren...