INT. LONDON UNDERGOUND PLATFORM.
COMMUTER looking at the electronic train information display. It isn't working. Nearby is someone who evidently works at the station.
COMMUTER
Excuse me. Could you tell me what time the next train to Hounslow is, please?
EMPLOYEE regards COMMUTER disdainfully, sniffs at him.
EMPLOYEE
Train or tube?
COMMUTER
Sorry?
EMPLOYEE
Train or tube?
COMMUTER looks at the underground sign.
COMMUTER
Well, err, tube.
EMPLOYEE
So, not the train then?
COMMUTER
I don't under-
EMPLOYEE
Not the train, the tube.
COMMUTER
Whatever. It's a train, though, isn't it?
EMPLOYEE
No it's not, it's the underground.
COMMUTER
But it's a type of train, an underground one. Hence the name.
EMPLOYEE
Yeah, exactly. It's called the "underground", widely known to layfolk as the "tube", and it's not, as you said, a "train".
COMMUTER stares in disbelief.
COMMUTER
Okay fine. So when-
EMPLOYEE
What's it called?
COMMUTER
Hmm?
EMPLOYEE
What is it? A train or an underground?
COMMUTER
An underground.
EMPLOYEE
More like it.
COMMUTER (cont.)
--train.
EMPLOYEE
Ooh. Oh no you didn't.
COMMUTER
When is it?
EMPLOYEE sniffs.
EMPLOYEE
I don't know. Sorry.
A voice comes over the PA system.
PA SYSTEM (OOS)
The next train to Hounslow will be arriving in-
EMPLOYEE starts to bang their broom off the wall.
EMPLOYEE
No no no no no!!!
The EMPLOYEE's screaming and banging drowns out the PA system.
COMMUTER
Was that really necessary?
EMPLOYEE
If you won't do things properly, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to force you see the error of your ways.
EMPLOYEE walks over to the PA system speaker and calmly smashes it to bits.
Distant rumble. A train pulls into the platform. Its front reads "Hounslow". COMMUTER smiles and hops on board.
EMPLOYEE
I won't tell you! I'll never tell you!
COMMUTER
Erm...
He points to the train that he is now on.
COMMUTER (cont.)
I don't care?
The doors close. He waves to EMPLOYEE as the train pulls out.
EMPLOYEE stands there fuming for a moment, stamping his little feet.
EMPLOYEE
That's it! I'm writing to my union rep!
A dreary-looking, grey weed of a man appears besides EMPLOYEE: UNION BOSS.
UNION BOSS
We'll see what we can do, young man.
UNION BOSS winks into the camera.
UNION BOSS
Mwahaha. Mwa-ha-ha! Mwaha-haha-haha-haaa!
