__________________________________________________________________________
INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY
The Newscaster sits solemn against a backdrop image of Queen Elizabeth.
NEWSCASTER
As we have learned within the last few
minutes, Her Majesty the Queen has passed away.
The nation is expected to unite in grief and more
details are expected to be released. Repeat: Her
Majesty Queen Elizabeth is dead.
Silence. The Newscaster throws his report into the air and grins wide.
NEWSCASTER
April Fools!! Aha! You didn't think we'd let April
the 1st pass without a gag did ya? Haha, only messing
with ya, she isn't dead, she's fine, had you all going though
I'll bet! Haha, anyway, onto sport --
An INTERN rushes up to the newsdesk and hands the Newscaster a fresh sheet.
The Newscaster stops grinning immediately. The Intern stands with his head bowed.
NEWSCASTER
Oh. Erm... This is embarassing, it seems that, er,
in a newsflash just released to the world's media...
Our Queen really has just died. This is... Well...
The Newscaster struggles to find the words. A heavy silence settles on the studio, until:
INTERN
(To Newswcaster)
Ahhh!!! April Fool!!! Gotcha!
NEWSCASTER
You little bastard! Haha, yup, you got me.
_______________________________________________________________________________
INT. BOOK AWARDS CEREMONY - NIGHT
Plush. There's a seated audience of hundreds. Upon the stage from behind a podium the HOST speaks.
HOST
And now, for this years lifetime achievement award,
we here at the book institue are proud to present
and welcome a modern icon of writing.
Crowd applaud.
HOST
His internationally acclaimed book "The God Delusion"
has officially sold over 669 million copies worldwide and
in recognition of such monumental literary achievement we
ask that you give a big hand to, ladies and gentlemen...
Mr. Richard Dawkins.
Huge applause.
Richard Dawkins mounts the stage. Accepts his award. He removes a piece of paper from his pocket and reads:
DAWKINS
First I'd like to thank my wife, and of course my editor
and I'd like to say that...
Dawkins is picked up by an invisible force, he is slammed against the floor like a ragdoll repeatedly and thrown against a wall.
The invisible force holds Dawkins up by his hair and makes him stand against his will as a fork of lightening crashes the window and hits him.
______________________________________________________________________________
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
MR. KAY lays in a coma attached to tubes and monitors. MRS. KAY holds his hand, the DOCTOR reads the man's file.
The WIFE clicks play on a CD player, a song starts.
MRS. KAY
This was his favourite song.
MR. KAY
(VOICEOVER)
No it isn't you fool, it was YOUR favourite song.
DOCTOR
That's a good idea.
MRS. KAY
I noticed he has a cut on his chin Doctor.
DOCTOR
Oh yes, one of orderlies gave him a shave this morning
MR. KAY
(VOICEOVER)
A shave? D'ya reckon? That was no shave my friend,
f**king ritualistic mutilation is what that hack job was.
DOCTOR
This is quite hard to say Mrs. Kay but, I feel the time
may come when we may to need to speak of worst case scenarios.
MRS. KAY
What d'you mean Doctor?
DOCTOR
When a patient fails respond to ongoing treatments, we may
need to consider our options.
MRS. KAY
Options?
MR. KAY
(VOICEOVER)
You even TOY with the idea of touching that f**king
switch and I swear you'll both end up in the same ward as me!
MRS. KAY
I understand. But, just look at him, he looks so
peaceful, so free of pain... But you know best Doctor.
MR. KAY
(VOICEOVER)
Goddamit woman! When I wake up you so f**king divorced!
______________________________________________________________________________
