Mr Ashdown mustn't have noticed my post which is a shame as I don't like to keep my work on line indefinitely. Sorry to anyone that looks in, I've deleted it. 
Rock Bottom 2nd ep.For Mr Ashdown
Hi BushBaby, not really sure you need my opinion on your work, but anyways, Ive just read it and I thought the writing was extrememly tight, the trio clearly have their own voices, the dynamic between them felt natural as there's an easy going wit throughout where quips come as a result of the situation and not just shoe-horned in for the sake of.
Very professional and clear you know how to write, after a few minutes I could read a line and know which character it belonged to, so the characters must be defined.
So, objectively I think this is polished and competent and if produced would attract a fan base. Your idea obviously contains a solid precept on which these characters could realistically evolve, as would their life situations, and Im sure an infinite number of situations could arise out of this idea.
But subjectively, its not the sort of thing I would watch and love/laugh loudly at as I personally prefer more headstrong less mainsteam-y shows/plays.
But for what kind of writing it is, its done well and I doubt anyone could really say otherwise as personal taste doesn't interfere with/or change whether something's good or not.
Good luck with it x
The first line was very clunky, BB, and, for me, it didn't get any better after that. You appeared to be in a great rush to get the characters storylines across as soon as possible and used blatant exposition to do this. The characters didn't appear to have very distinct voices earlier and I got a bit confused with who was talking, but this may have been down to the formatting. I gave up after the first scene because it didn't catch my interest.
I think you could do with letting things develop a little slower and working on the characters relationships a bit more rather than just have them being arsey with each other.
Thanks Jack Daniels and thanks Ben. As you both must know it is soooo difficult to please everyone with comedy. Mr Ashdown didn't like my first ep so I thought I'd give him the second one...i'e the one above. I have given up writing anyway as it is too soul destroying and as someone said....I seem to be locked in the 70's hahaha I wish!
P.S...Ben if you'd read the first ep, you would laugh at the first line in the above ep
It's not necessarily a bad line per se, BB, but I think it could be made a bit more succinct.
I don't think being too 70s is a bad thing. You could say Miranda is quite retro, but it's got good jokes at it's core and is very funny.
And don't give up writing, BB!
Quote: Ben @ June 25 2011, 9:17 PM BSTIt's not necessarily a bad line per se, BB, but I think it could be made a bit more succinct.
I don't think being too 70s is a bad thing. You could say Miranda is quite retro, but it's got good jokes at it's core and is very funny.
And don't give up writing, BB!
Thanks. Another point I'd like to make is this....The Big Bang Theory....I was soooooo bored with the first ep I nearly turned if off but persevered and in the last five mins of the ep, I got the humour/characters. I do think it takes a couple or so eps to get used to the characters and where they are coming from. I think with mine, stick with it and you will see who/what the characters are and where they are coming from. But whatever, I have given up. It takes a lot of effort and 'brains' to think up story lines for anything, and it took me a lot of effort to think up six eps of story lines
Needs more poo gags...
I liked the first episode, was disappointed when you took it down...
It can be quite easy to write a 'one off' sitcom but the real skill is to write the next one, and the next one, and th....
You've proved your original work had potential to continue, I'm not sure many of the other recent scripts I've read could do so...
My favourite line was: 'get down to the market and buy plastic tablecloths, at least they'll only melt.' Classic throwaway gag..!
Bring on Ep.3...
Quote: RedZed333 @ June 25 2011, 9:51 PM BSTNeeds more poo gags...
I liked the first episode, was disappointed when you took it down...
It can be quite is to write a 'one off' sitcom but the real skill is to write the next one, and the next one, and th....
You've proved your original work had potential to continue...
My favourite
Wish there was a 'kiss' icon
And @Ben, I couldn't go slower with anything as it was for the sitcom mission originally and had to be cut to 15 mins