Skit Comp Entry - Space Travel

Thought I'd open myself to some abuse by posting this up for comment. Not sure about it myself.

IN THE VASTNESS OF SPACE, RICHARD BRANSON ADDRESSES A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE. THEY ALL WEAR SPACE SUITS AND LARGE GRINS.

BRANSON
..and so it is that we, the intrepid and wealthy few, have become the first people to take a commercial flight into space. This truly is a momentous day for man kind.

THE CROWD APPLAUDS LIGHTLY

BRANSON
Now, could someone let the air out of the balloon so we can get back down?

THE APPLAUSE STOPS AND PEOPLE START TO PANIC. RICHARD GRINS, HAPPY IN HIS WORK.

END.

Mmmm

I like the idea of the balloon in space.

the punch isn't that strong. How about changing it for something like

"....This truly is a momentous day for man kind."

Pan out see Richard in deep space stood in his balloon.

"But a massive cock up in ballooning."

I dunno. Seemed funnier in my head. lol! I'd keep workingo n it the idea is good.

Ok, thanks for reading Gav.

I think it's one of your best.
I like the idea.
Made me laugh.

I've always thought you knew what you were talking about Steve. Thanks.

I'll accept the Thankyou but not the unfounded claim.

I like Gav's joke.

Yeah, thanks. I like it too, I'll see if I get any more feedback before I nick it though.

Edit; Only trouble I can see with that ending is they've planned to go into space, hence the suits and speech. So it's not a cock up. Nice line though.

Anyway, I'll sleep on it. Bedtime for sure this time.

I like it Nil, a funny idea.

For the ending I'd have something like.. Branson suggests opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate, realises he's left it behind, and the posh guests tip him into deep space.

' Just noticed this is in skit comp too, should have checked there, did I just breach the rules??

Cheers, no, no rules breached.

That's pretty funny, Nil.

Here's my entry (already posted) so if you like you guys can take a pot shot and give me some of my own sour tasting medicine!

July 20th, 1969
Int: Apollo 11
Location: SPACE!

Neil Armstrong:

Okay, Mike. Well, thanks for getting us up here and everything. We'll just be off in the old Eagle to the Moon, and we'll see you in about a day, yeah?

Michael Collins:

You want me to just wait for you? For a whole day?

Neil Armstrong:

Well, yes. That's how it works - we go off to the moon, you pick us up later.

Michael Collins:

Well that's not a problem, mate, but I will have to charge you time and a half for the waiting. I mean, I could be on any number of jobs whilst I'm waiting for you to finish farting about on the moon, y'know.

Neil Armstrong:

Uh... sure, Mike, sure. But you will be here to take us back to Earth, yeah?

Michael Collins:

Wherever you want mate. You pays the fare, you makes the rules. As long it's not south of the Equator, not at this time of night.

Neil Armstrong:

No, no... definitely North. Okay, so we'll see you in a day, and don't go taking any, um, other fares, okay fella?

Michael Collins:

No problem, guv. See you in 24 hours.

The other 3 astronauts get into the Eagle and go off to the moon. As soon as they have left, COLLINS gets to the drivers seat and flicks a little "FOR HIRE" sign on.

Michael Collins:

Heh heh heh.... Suckers.

Hey get your own thread!

HIJACK!

IN SPACE!

UM... SPACEJACK!

Putters I've re read your sketch and maybe I was a little harsh on it.

It did make me smile on second go through.

Lady Laughter not to go off topic but, Your sketch has a good base just overly long and the dialogue is to fake for me personally. make it a bit more real and shorten the sketch and I think it'd be a good un!

No worries Gavlah!