Apology Muffins

INT. OFFICE. DAY.

Two collegues ( ADAM and EMMA ) are chatting idly near a desk. A man GRAHAM enters holding a small crdboard box.

GRAHAM:
Hey guys, listen I feel really bad about yesteday afternoon. I got a bit stressed and well, I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I'm sorry. So I got you these.

GRAHAM opens the box to reveal two luxury muffins.

EMMA:
That's so sweet of you, but you were fine yesterday, really.

ADAM:
Yeah I thought you seemed normal.

GRAHAM:
Yeah?

ADAM and EMMA reach for a muffin but GRAHAM closes the lid and retracts the box.

GRAHAM (CONT'D)
Maybe I should take them back.

EMMA:
What? Why?

GRAHAM:
Well I f I wasn't actually rude or anything, then I don't see why I should give you muffins. They cost eighty six pounds. They're baked in an emerald oven.

EMMA:
Come on, give us a muffin.

GRAHAM:
No offence but I'm not sure you're worth eighty six quid. I should get my money back.

EMMA:
Well now you mention it you were a bit offish after lunch.

GRAHAM:
You're just saying that.

ADAM:
And I'm sure you barged past me in the coridor, and tutted.

GRAHAM:
No I bloody didn't now liste...

They are inturrupted as Mr GOVERNS enters.

GOVERNS:
What's all this? I hope you're not doing anything that would anger me as owner and CEO of this company?

EMMA:
He brought us muffins to apologise for being rude to us yesterday.

GRAHAM:
But they said I wasn't that bad so I'm going to take them back.

GOVERNS:
Muffins for the offended?

GRAHAM:
I suppose that was the idea.

GOVERNS:
I distinctly remember you calling me a bastard.

GRAHAM:
Erm....yes Mr Governs?

GOVERNS:
Excellent.

Mr GOVERNS flips the lid of the box open and takes a muffin.

GOVERNS (CONT'D):
Why are you still here? You're fired for calling me a bastard.

GRAHAM:
Erm.. I not sure I did actually call you bastard, Mr Governs.

GOVERNS:
If you didn't call me a bastard then I wouldn't have this muffin would I?

GRAHAM:
Erm.

GOVERNS:
And do I have this muffin? Do I? Do I have this muffin....

GRAHAM:
Landers, Graham Landers.

GOVERNS:
Do I have this muffin Graham Landers?

GRAHAM:
Yes.

GOVERNS:
Then clear your desk and go.

GRAHAM, confused and dejected, slowly walks away. GOVERNS takes a large bite of the muffin.

GOVERNS (CONT'D):
Tastes of emerald.

END.

The original idea is funny but somehow the sketch does not quite hang together. It starts amusingly but the ridiculous price of the muffins and the emerald oven seem to detract from the purity of the premise, if you see what I mean, and the section with the boss firing him does not, for me at least, come off.

Having said that about the emerald oven and the boss, I do quite like the out.

There is definitely something here, but it may be one to put in the sock drawer and come back to in six months, or however often you change your socks.

I liked this a lot...a funny scene in an ordinary everyday setting. I did wonder about the point of the muffins being so expensive, but it made sense at the end with that gem of a punch.

I really enjoyed reading that. It reads well in flying circus voices.

That starts off well, but dies on it's arse.

Quote: Timbo @ June 16 2011, 10:15 PM BST

The original idea is funny but somehow the sketch does not quite hang together. It starts amusingly but the ridiculous price of the muffins and the emerald oven seem to detract from the purity of the premise, if you see what I mean, and the section with the boss firing him does not, for me at least, come off.

Having said that about the emerald oven and the boss, I do quite like the out.

There is definitely something here, but it may be one to put in the sock drawer and come back to in six months, or however often you change your socks.

View original

I had the same conflict of issues myself. I think It started off in my mind as just something that would escalate, but the emerald came into my head and I liked I thought it was a good out so kept it in. Thanks for the feedback Timbo.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ June 16 2011, 10:18 PM BST

I liked this a lot...a funny scene in an ordinary everyday setting. I did wonder about the point of the muffins being so expensive, but it made sense at the end with that gem of a punch.

View original

Thanks Shandonbelle. It seems the emeralds do trip people up with the sketch.

Quote: Nat Wicks @ June 16 2011, 10:32 PM BST

I really enjoyed reading that. It reads well in flying circus voices.

View original

Cheers Nats. They're not the kind of voices I had in mind, so I shall have a read of it with that in mind.

Quote: Lady Laughter @ June 17 2011, 12:14 AM BST

That starts off well, but dies on it's arse.

View original

That's a fair comment, at what point does it go from the former to the latter would you say?

Thanks for reading and commenting everyone. As I said, I was unsure of this one so all the comments have been most helpful.

I think it's a good idea but there are too many distractors.

And I think there needs to be more ambiguity about why he's apologising, maybe it's the daty after a drnken Christmas party?

It is a good, solid idea, but when the CEO comes in (and totally ruins the flow by saying "I hope you're not doing anything that would anger me as owner and CEO of this company?") it just goes flat.

I think the amount he has spent on the muffins is stupid rather than amusing, as it takes the sketch away from reality. If they cost a tenner it would be better.

Lose the boss and make it snappier - find a punchline that will work with just the workers.

It read well scratchyr and is a nice idea but I think you could do more with it. Maybe, he has laced the muffin with laxatives or something less juvenile, if you can think of it.

Quote: sootyj @ June 17 2011, 8:39 AM BST

I think it's a good idea but there are too many distractors.

And I think there needs to be more ambiguity about why he's apologising, maybe it's the daty after a drnken Christmas party?

View original

Giving more context is a good point and one that I shall address. Cheers Sooty.

Quote: Lady Laughter @ June 17 2011, 10:06 AM BST

It is a good, solid idea, but when the CEO comes in (and totally ruins the flow by saying "I hope you're not doing anything that would anger me as owner and CEO of this company?") it just goes flat.

I think the amount he has spent on the muffins is stupid rather than amusing, as it takes the sketch away from reality. If they cost a tenner it would be better.

Lose the boss and make it snappier - find a punchline that will work with just the workers.

View original

So lose the whole emerald thing and the Boss? Do you think it would work as a straight escalation? starting with the accusations of barging and tutting etc and gore from there?

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ June 17 2011, 10:14 AM BST

It read well scratchyr and is a nice idea but I think you could do more with it. Maybe, he has laced the muffin with laxatives or something less juvenile, if you can think of it.

View original

Thanks Nigel but I think that's a different sketch. I can't see why he would play a trick on them if he's trying to make amends for his behaviour.

Fair enough. Probably better to concentrate on what his actual behaviour was that led him to make amends.. Maybe, he got promoted and is giving his co-workers a soft landing. Good luck with it.

or even something where it keeps sounding like he was being good or bad

e.g. you snogged Carole

no you were giving her the kiss of life

but that was only because you knocked her unconciouse

Concentrating on his behaviour is in danger of taking the sketch in a different direction.

The original basis or the sketch was the making up of bad behaviour to try and get the muffins which ends up with getting the sack for the alleged wrong doings, which is why I wanted to bring the boss into it.

Now I'm thinking maybe he could be called into the office to answer all the rumors about what he done, if you get me. Does that sound like a better plan? Although Sooty's idea could work too.

The premise of the sketch is v.funny, someone apologising for something they think they might've done, turns out they didn't and so don't see the need to give the apology-gifts, but the-co-workers want the gift anyway.

I like what sooty suggests about the context of post-christmas party, and when the co-workers are trying to give reasons why they should get the muffins, maybe they should literally list all the things are things are wrong with him... you have a lazy eye, people say your clothes are unclean, behind your back you're voted least desirable male etc etc... getting worse and worse until they get the muffins and leave the guy completely eviscerated.

I thought it worked as written though.