I posted a clip a few months ago and some of you were nice enough to watch it and provide some feedback. I tried to take it into consideration when I did this gig- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9LJSaPE7p4
Some of it is the same material as before and I know that the last few minutes are weak. It would be good to get some feedback if anyone has the time! Video is about 10 minutes.
I am only messing around with open mic stuff really, not expecting anything more!
Thanks!
The overall impression I got was that the audience didn't quite know how to take you and that I feel went against you somewhat. A lot...ok.. practically all! of your stuff was near the knuckle so the catch is if you are an unknown it can seem as if you are just out to shock. I liked the Mr. Tumble description, and you done some good observations on parenthood, ok, we don't all get our kids to roll joints for us but the principal's the same! Course people need to take it tongue in cheek, which I wasn't sure they did.
My only suggestion on improving it would be to have other material to counter the shock stuff, that way I think the audience would relate to you more.
Well done and keep going 
Thanks, yes, as you've said, one of the big things I've realised is that I need other material to counter balance and perhaps for times when it's not working with the audience. Also need to interact more. Thanks
I'm going to be honest, you don't see to be onto a winner.
Your style is quite repetative, if not actually monotone. You seem to be grasping for jokes and trying to force the jokes. Also the material is just in poor taste, but with nothing to reflect against. The extended CBEEBies gag is just a bunch of old paedo jokes.
I think you really need to work on your writing and persona.
I wanted to like this but I personally get bored with aimless vulgarity for vularity's sake, I felt the kid on drugs stuff was a bit alienating - is mr tumble the one who does sign language for kids?
Having said that I'm male and I know a lot of female comedy tends to appeal to other women, they enjoy the vagina monologues and other sisterly shenanigans.
If you took on board Sootyjs note above you'd use the kick to write better, more natural stuff that's more you and not the "act" and feel better about it.
Good luck though cos I imagine it takes some balls to do ten minutes like that.
Mr Tumble is a heck of a tough target.
He's a beloved entertainer who does a show aimed at kids with and without special needs.
I mean you're really going to work at getting him.
Calling him a paedo is no way good enough.
Quote: sootyj @ June 15 2011, 9:31 PM BSTI mean you're really going to work at getting him.
Yeah I got that vibe, my niece loves this guy and whilst I think no subject is off-limits etc etc, there probably needs to be some context to an all out attack like that.
That said, I think when Donna writes stuff from a more experience based angle she'll get some good stuff.
Yup.
I mean I'd try the line of
"I'm a harried mum and this wanker is making me look bad"
Quote: Jack Daniels @ June 15 2011, 9:39 PM BSTYeah I got that vibe, my niece loves this guy and whilst I think no subject is off-limits etc etc, there probably needs to be some context to an all out attack like that.
That said, I think when Donna writes stuff from a more experience based angle she'll get some good stuff.
Good points
Thanks guys. I'll definitely take that on board.
Quote: Jack Daniels @ June 15 2011, 9:26 PM BSTHaving said that I'm male and I know a lot of female comedy tends to appeal to other women, they enjoy the vagina monologues and other sisterly shenanigans.
.
Not really true,depends on the type of comedy, nothing to do with the gender. I found Donna's material generally hard to relate to as it was pretty tasteless, and thought the audience felt the same, but what I do support is making the effort.
I got a bit bored, to be honest, when she got into the paedo stuff. Not offensive, just not very well written. The kid stuff still didn't pick it up, and you can tell the audience are not enjoying it much.
Keep trying with open mic spots, but maybe you should take another direction and just be funny, not "shocking". I actually loved the Mother in law joke.
Mother in law stuff was good, but tell us why you hate her so very much
I don't hate her at all, she's just easy to make jokes about, it's just the way our relationship is. I did think that mother in law stuff is kind of obvious though.
Although deflated, the criticism is what I need. I'm going to work on it, I have other ideas. The Tumble material has worked in the past, but I understand that I need to read the audience and gauge whether it will work as each audience is different. I went in guns blazing with a heavily scripted set but I am guessing what I need is alternative material that will suit the audience if something isn't working. I think that's what I need to do.
Thanks everyone!
There's no reason to be deflated, it seems you've only done a few gigs, it takes time to develop and see what works for you, the idea that you should be or will be good straight away is silly. It can take some people years to really start getting good.