I had been working on this for the last Skit Comp but didnt get a chance to finish it...
MAYOR SPEAKING TO HIS PEOPLE FROM A PULPIT.
MAYOR :
I have to say I am very disappointed. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very disappointed. You make me ashamed to be one of you. The scenes witnessed in our little town last night were the fourth worst scenes I have ever seen. They were so bad I daren't repeat them.
People arching their back beyond its natural curvature, others just throwing their teeth away and rabbits thinking they were foxes. Mrs. Drovet's dog's held up a grocery store, it was anarchy.
In light of these events I feel I have no choice but to take a cold hard cold strong long hard look at our legal system. But we will do more than look at it, we are going to implement several changes to bring our more archaic laws into the 21st century here on the Urbiquan Peninsula.
We will not have a repeat of what happened here last night. Seventeen people with broken backs, nine people are now completely toothless and twelve rabbits ruthlessly chased themselves down and ate themselves to death.
First up is Law 412:
'Bend your back as far as it will go regardless of the consequences', this is now amended to 'Don't'.
Law 363:
'It is illegal to own an ostrich if you are hungry'. This is just changing slightly to 'It is legal to own an ostrich but illegal to be hungry'.
Law 584, now this once caused a lot of havoc last night:
'It is illegal to stare at a railway station'. This will still be illegal except on your birthday.
Law 82 is of course Newton's third law of motion:
'If A exerts a force on B B exerts an equal but opposite force on A'.
This will now be such that A can exert a force on B but B must not retaliate.
Law 992:
'It is illegal to live in a nest'. This will not change.
SCRUFFY LOOKING MAN IN THE CROWD LOOKS DISAPPOINTED.
A couple of other rules that will not change.... illegal to bring a bullock to court, illegal to die during a game of chess and it is illegal to own a whesp. Now we were not sure what a whesp is but the rule will stay in force just in case.
And that's about it.
MAYORS ASSISTANT:
Look sir there is another law at the bottom of the parchment that we missed.
Law 999: 'It is illegal to change any of the above laws and failure of the mayor to adhere to this most important law will be punishable by death or worse'.
MAYOR:
(nervously) Well obviously that one needs to change. Let me see that.... look there are terms and conditions at the bottom.
'If the offending mayor has not broken any other laws his life may be spared but if he breaks three rules then he must be deadified immediately'.
I haven't broken any other laws.
ASSISTANT:
Oh look there is an even further bit of writing at the very very bottom of the parchment.
'A whesp is the look of superiority that a mayor often develops during his inauguration. If the mayor has this look he is the owner of a whesp'.
CLOSE-UP OF MAYOR WITH A SUPERIOR LOOK ON HIS FACE.
ASSISTANT:
Thats two laws broken. One more and you're out.
THEY STARE AT THE MAYOR FOR A NUMBER OF SECONDS. HIS STOMACH STARTS TO RUMBLE.
ASSISTANT:
Law 363! Legal to own an ostrich but illegal to be hungry, and you're gone!
THE MAYOR IS BEING DRAGGED AWAY BY SECURITY.
MAYOR:
Look at me! My whesp is gone, MY WHESP IS GOOOONE................
END.
