The Fox & The Rabbit.

Right. Its late. I am bored & I am putting this up to HOPEFULLY raise a smile.
Its not serious, its just for fun.

The fox is hiding behind a tree, he catches site of a rabbit and pounces. He picks him up in his teeth by the neck and starts to trot off with him in his mouth.

Rabbit
Pleeeeeease don’t eat me Mr.

The fox growls,rolls his eyes and carries on strolling.

Rabbit
Pretty please with cherries on top. Pleeeeeeeeease don’t eat me.

The fox puts the rabbit on the floor and its left paw on the rabbits tummy, to hold it in place. The rabbit has its ears back and its big eyes are popping out with fear.

Fox
Look here. I am sick of all the whining that goes on in these woods. I am hungry, you are food & that is that.

Rabbit
(Shaking)But I have a wife and 16 kids to feed Mr.

Fox
(Exasperated) What you think I aint got a wife. I have a wife alright. A great big fat nagging hungry wife. Who has thrown me out and wont let me back in unless I have some grub for her.

Rabbit
I am sorry to hear that Mr. How about we do a deal. 16 kids is too much for my wife on her own. She will never make a decent single mother. They will end up hooligans, drug addicts or worse. Some women can handle it but not her Mr. She is a terrible mother.

Fox
Look mate. I understand where you are coming from, truly I do but the thing is I am starving I have caught you and that is that.

The fox stoops down and picks up the rabbit & carries on walking.

Rabbit
(Starts to cry) But my poor little kids. Please Mr Just hear me out

Fox
(Annoyed) FFS! This is ridiculous. Right I will hear you out but I am warning you it wont make a blind bit of difference. (He pops the rabbit down again and holds on to him with his paw).

Rabbit
(Deep breath) Do you love your wife.(looks up with questioning eyes)

Fox
No she is a fat hairy moaning monster.

Rabbit
Right how about you take me back to your house and pretend to drop me just as your handing me to your wife. She will accuse you of being useless and say “if you want something done then you have to do it yourself” I will run as fast as I can through the woods, into the busy road. Your wife will give chase get hit by a car and be killed. I have to car dodge but thats easy enough, you also said your wife was fat so I should be able to out run her. You will be wife free.

Fox
(Scraping his other paw against his chin) Hmmm! It’s a lovely thought but I am still going to be hungry.

Rabbit.
You can eat her.

Fox
(Shudders)Urghhhhhhhh! That is a disgusting thought.(Shudders again)

Rabbit
A lot of folk would be pleased to get rid of their wives Mr.

Fox
(Puts his face right into the rabbits)You will definitely kill her. If she survives I am as dead as you will be.

Rabbit
(Ears prick up)Mr she will be roadkill.

Fox
Right. I will not starve though. This is the deal (The fox bends down & whispers in the Rabbits ear)

Rabbit smiles & nods in agreement

The exact sequence of events happened just as the rabbit had described.
The Rabbit looks back at the fox dragging his splatterd wife off the road & into the woods, he waits another hour before he scurries home to his family.

Rabbits Wife
Where the fook have you been. Have you been down the pub. Look at the state of you. How could you leave me alone with all these brats. Wheres the fooking leaves I sent you out to get. Jesus Christ. (Mrs rabbit gets her coat) I tell you if you want something done you have to do it yourself.

Yeah Charley, I really enjoyed this and I did laugh at the end too.

Is it a stretched out joke or an original idea? Just needs some tidying up and some typos sorting out here and there.

To me it reads a lot more coherently than some of your other stuff and has started my day off with a smile. Thanks

B

I liked it too. Are you a nagging horrible wife?

I agree with Blenk. Dialogue needs a little crisping up but I loved the way it ends! There's a really saleable Nasty Bedtime Story Book coming out of your recent stuff, I can see it, a few kiddy illustrations too but clearly not really for kids (they'd never sleep again!) more for growed-ups with warped minds like some of us here! Putting your unique stamp on male/female relationships into an animal context is a neat trick. It's Aesop with a grim twist! Lovely!

I enjoyed that… nice characterisation and although not chock-full of laughs, it did make me grin all the way through. The ending was good too. Nice one!

I haven’t had time to comment on all of your recent output charley but, without doubt, you have a style all your own that’s very likeable. I think there’s a growing consistency in this respect too.

There are still some hit and miss aspects to your sketches but you’re heading the right way. I know you’ve made comments about not being as bright as others etc. but I think you’re doing yourself a disservice. You’re clearly not stupid so stop putting yourself down! Perhaps there could be more discipline in your work… concentrate on the spelling… dialogue structure and so on. Don’t rush it. Don’t get bored. But definitely keep ‘em coming!

On another note, (perhaps this should be a new thread but this sketch, amongst others, prompts the question) when people are writing sketches are they thinking about how it might actually be realised? I know you’ve said it’s just for fun, charley but in the case of ‘The Fox & the Rabbit’, it would obviously be difficult to produce unless it was an animation… or on the radio. Or, I guess, you could go for the silly laughs and have actors in badly made costumes…

My point is, do people worry about that… or is it simply a case of writing what comes into your head and dealing with that kind of detail later?

I’ve been writing scripts for TV ads recently and it’s one long production nightmare. From client desires through to budget… and feasibility, I have to consider almost every aspect before submitting anything.

I guess most scripts/sketches on this forum are first drafts? Or is that incorrect?

Anyway… like I say, charley… your stuff is fun… keep going!

I enjoyed it too.

The characters came across well and it`s a great ending.

i thought this was good it better if you imagine the fox and rabbit acted out by poeple in fox and rabit costumes

Nice I kinda liked your version of the animated "Comic Strip's" "Watership Down"
you should post it to that Gillingham bloke fom Monty Python (i think he's the surreal artist) and put it on the post watershed C-Beebies...that'd soon toughen em up a bit...maybe help the kiddies survive in the playground...and hold onto their moster munchies and raspberry flube tubes...and stop them being stolen by Antony the school yard bully.

Hi All.

Blenk.
I have no idea if there is a joke about this floating about. LOL. I hope not.
It is just a weird thing I fancied doing then for some even weirder reason, sharing.

Thanks again. I am glad you all liked it.

Edited for all the whining I done.

Phew!!! and relax with a nice mug of herbal tea...ow that's off your chest

Will do Reiss