INT. PET SHOP. DAY
A CUSTOMER briefly browses the shop then approaches the OWNER at the counter.
OWNER:
Anything you like sir?
CUSTOMER:
Yes, very nice, but I was wondering if you had anything more exotic.
OWNER:
Like a mango?
CUSTOMER:
Not quite like a mango. More like a pet. A pet, as opposed to fruit, that's exotic.
OWNER:
I get you now. Like a guinea pig in a grass skirt, or a goldfish in a sari.
CUSTOMER:
No. I was thinking of, you know, a pet with a bit of an edge, little bit dangerous. You know?
OWNER:
Yep yep. I get you. Come with me. We keep those out back.
The OWNER leads the CUSTOMER to a corridor with metal doors down one side.
They approach the first door. There is a small window to look into the room through.
OWNER:
You'll like this.
CUSTOMER:
What is it?
OWNER:
It's what we call in the trade a Barbarous Bovinae.
CUSTOMER:
A cow?
OWNER:
Not just any cow? It's the Minotaur. Half man half bull, A full on abomination of a punishment-based spawn. Great with children.
CUSTOMER
Hmmm maybe I should check it out first.
OWNER:
Sure. Tie this string to the door handle so we can find our way back? We have to keep him in a vast and complex maze you see, as he kills and eats people.
CUSTOMER:
He eats people?
OWNER:
Only for sustenance mind.
CUSTOMER:
No I think you should show me something else. What about a snake? A snake's alright.
OWNER:
Okay. Snake it is
They move to the next door. The CUSTOMER presses his face to the small window.
OWNER (CONT'D):
Wouldn't do that if I were you.
CUSTOMER:
Why not? It's just a snake.
OWNER:
It is not just a snake. It's a lot of snakes. Attached to a head, a Gorgon's head. If you look at her the terrifying ugliness will turn you to stone. Six hundred pound and she's yours.
CUSTOMER:
Six hundred pounds for a pet that's so dangerous that it can't be looked at?
OWNER:
She's got pedigree. Direct decendant of Medusa, but I have got a cheaper one, the runt of the litter in terms of ugliness.
She is still ugly but... you know...you probably would.
CUSTOMER:
Would I be able to look at her at the same time?
OWNER:
No. technically it is still a Gorgon, so no. No you wouldn't.
CUSTOMER:
Well have you anything else?
OWNER:
I got the Chimera. Body of a lion with a snake for a tail and a goat's head sticking out its back. Breathes fire, roars, that sort of thing. But if budget is a concern then bear in mind that in the first two years you're looking at what...at least fifteen hundred quid for food and water bowls, collars, leads all that jazz. Plus another eight hundred pounds on squeaky toys.
CUSTOMER:
Look if you can't show me anything sensible then I'm off. For god's sake.
OWNER:
Wait wait. Erm...what about fish? Tropical fish?
CUSTOMER:
Few spines, some colours...okay but nothing freaky.
OWNER:
Right you are sir.
The OWNER cups his hands around his mouth and shouts.
OWNER (CONT'D):
Awake the Kraken!
END.
To be honest I thought 'I'd remembered correctly as I haven't seen it since I was a kid, so thanks for the tip Lady Laughter.