Opening minute / Stand up

I hear that these comedic folk sink or swim with their first gag, so, let me know if this sets a decent tone to my routine ive sketched out...

. . . I've just joined a gym to try and get fit, I find it a pretty daunting place though, with all those machines and fitness instructor types wandering about . . . I was in the gym, first day, working out for all of five minutes when this blonde spikey haired greek statue-type came over to me and said "Excuse me?" . . . I said "Yeah?" . . . He said "Do you mind putting out your cigarette please?" I said "Okay" . . . Another five minutes pass, the same guy walks back over "Excuse me?" . . . "What now?" "Is that whiskey in your glass?" I said "No. It's Scotch . . .

That would work in a social club set up, but not at a comedy club, it also has that 'I've probably heard it before or should have' feel.
Unless you're appearing at at Bernard Manning tribute night, I'd personally opt for a stronger opening.
That said I'm no stand up, but I do watch them and that's what I'm basing this reply on.

I'm leaning towards the thinking that the first couple of gags need to be quite short, to set you stall out. Since I've been taking tips on here, I would also shorten the set-up for that gag. Try to thin it down as much as possible.

I thought, as a gag, it wasn't too bad.

Cheers for the quick feedback fellas

Try something like 'I've jjust started going the gym to get fit, and lose a few bad habits. First night I was there, the manager came over to me and said 'Could you put that cigarette out?'. Five minutes later, he was back over. I said 'It's the Whisky, isn't it ?

Park bench, your streamlined version made me laugh very hard as if it was fresh material, if you're telling me I can take credit for that then I owe you one, big time.

It's your gag.

I thought the gag itself was very respectable. You have created a mental image which the audience will hold in their mind and that should generate the laughs. I agree with thinning it out which has been mentioned above but without losing the essence and image.

Just throwing another angle into the mix, you could collate the thought of going to the gym with PE at school, but turn it on it's head, something like:

"I will never forget being made to run around the gym in my pants and vest as punishment for forgetting my kit.

I still remember the others laughing and pointing at me.

When I drove home that night, I vowed to cancel my direct debit and join another health club."

Just an idea, like and I have probably complicated matters, so I'll get my coat.

Hi Odin, yeah that would work but I later dropped it down to go on to say how trying to sip whiskey on the treadmill was a nightmare, cue physical comedy.

I thought it was funny, but maybe not at the start of a routine, I'd say use something stronger and more original at the start. Think of something about your life and go from there.