I put this up the other night and then took it down. I've tried to improve it a bit,but it been so long since I wrote anything I've found it difficult.
1611.
The door to media mogul Robert Barker's office swings open and four lute players emerge looking completely pissed off, they leave moaning their heads off, one is in tears. A man called James who had been waiting outside apprehensively enters the office.
Robert: James before you start your pitch. It's too long. ( Picking up a stack of papers) Who would want to read all that?
James: It's been very popular elsewhere to be honest, the Italian's are just mad for it. I really wanted to cash in over here. I was lucky to get the translation rights.
Robert: Like I said in my letter, its a book of two halves really. I quite enjoyed the first half but then I just didn't get into the second part at all.
James: I thought that was the best bit.
Robert: The story is so clichéd. Poor humble lad, a basic trade to his name, leaves home and finds some other sad friends, learns some magic and then meets a sticky end. Yawn!
James: Not much call for it?
Robert: I saw straight through the crap at the start. It doesn't matter how you dress it up with talk of angels, censuses and donkeys. It was obvious the mother had had an affair. People want a complex plot not something they can see through right away.
James: But....there were some great twists.
Robert: If I can finish my critique. There were too many characters as well, your main lead just wants two or three friends, not twelve. I did like the betrayal twist and the hanging mind. But let me ask you this, whatever possessed you to write the same thing four times in slightly different ways?
James: As I explained there are actually lots of authors who are part of this project.
Robert: So it's like an anthology then?
James: I suppose so.
Robert: This bloke Paul. He's contributed a lot. But most of it is just letters really. Boring correspondence. A letter to the Athenians? How can an English readership relate to that? Change it to Doncaster.
James: This is all constructive feedback I suppose.
Robert: I mean take the very first line of the whole piece, In the beginning. You may as well have started the thing once upon a time. Give it some drama, some excitement.....all we have is he did this, he did that ,then he had a rest. F**king Dull!
James: Nothing positive?
Robert: The murder. Crime always sells and in the absence of sex it's the only thing going for it. we need the murder straight away. The Cain and Abel thing is brilliant, you need to make more of it.
James: I don't know.
Robert: If you don't, some shyster will at some point, mark my words.
James: So are you going to publish it or not?
Robert: I simply can't see the market for it James.
James: One day every home will have this book.
Robert: Not published my me son, I don't think I've got the ink to print it all to be honest. Touch of reality son. You sound like those crazy lute playing boys from earlier, one day we are going to be stars. Bollocks. Not with a name like Ringo.
