Not part of a sketch, monologue or a set of gags but merely a selection of Facebook status updates which seem to amuse my friends. Thought I'd post them here as a way of sharing my public transport pain...
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I have been at this bus stop so long I'm beginning to notice changes in the neighbours' social status. According to the graffiti Becca is now in love with Pete not Mark. I guess he saw sense and got a taxi home instead.
If only Arthur C Clarke was still alive he could perhaps solve the mystery of buses simply disappearing from digital timetable without warning. I didn't think Bermuda was a stop on this route.
Clearly this bus 'stop' isn't fit for purpose.
Ooo, I like this driver - he does have some recognition of the concept 'urgency' to the point that a youth was nearly sent tumbling down the stairs due to erratic braking.
Ha! When I finally got on a bus I scowled at the driver - that showed him!
If you had a black eye would you wear heavy mascara and eyeliner too? I thought a Panda had just got on the bus.
Following on from the suggestion that I write a bus related sitcom (not a new idea I think you'll find) I have two characters to add to the lady who had a hand drawn pirate eye patch yesterday. First we have a woman with enough rings piercing her bottom lip to hang a shower curtain and then we have Jesus - he works at HMV.
I did have an idea of a sitcom set primarily at a bus stop but wasn't convinced it had legs...which is ironic as that's precisely what you'd need if your bus failed to turn up.
I'd like to report that I've had absolutely no problems whatsoever with Stagecoach buses since Wednesday...not that I've been on one since Wednesday.
Bus late again...oh, and as if by magic, a surly bus driver appears.
You wait ages for a bus then none come at once.
I wonder if the guy across the aisle is one of a set of triplets - with noses like he's got they'd make a smashing set of darts.
If the UK took part on Mastermind its specialist subject would be dank and depressing railway stations.
Stagecoach - I can't bring myself to waste any more words on this joke of a company other than saying their name alone...hang on....
It would appear my stunt double is the bus driver today...either that or they've installed a mirror to a) disconcert passengers, b) make them think that they are in some way in control of their own destiny and c) make them realise that outfit they're wearing was a mistake
[Picture of three buses at the bus stop at the same time] The Stagecoach Trio. Sounds like a musical act - shame they're not singing from the same hymn sheet i.e. The timetable
OK, I know Millfield is a hole in the ground but it looks like they've officially had one installed as the last two buses have disappeared from the electronic timetable without physically appearing. C'mon guys, there's a beer with my name on it waiting in town...
Ah, a new bus driver. Polite, friendly AND on time....shame he looks like Chris Moyles
Billy Bremner, Annie Lennox, Lord Treisman and Amir Khan are all on the bus tonight. Mr Bremner, the tough-tackling Leeds United player of the 60s and 70s, is a particular surprise as he died in 1997.
I've started so I'll finish - Magnus Magnusson is in da house...er, on da bus!
Just saw Rick Wakeman get off the bus. He didn't have his keyboard with him only an old biddy's shopping carrier thing with wheels. It seems the rock'n'roll lifestyle has become a tea'n'biscuits with a tin of meat for the cat lifestyle...
Billy Connolly just got on the bus..or was it Jesus Christ...perhaps it was both...you never see them together do you.
Stagecoach have come early...Mrs Stagecoach will have to 'please' herself this evening. This company has incorrectile timetable dysfunction.
Oh look, our bus has been overtaken by another bus. How could that happen? Is this a form of time travel where God outsourced the timtetable to Stagecoach? If so we're all doomed...
Oh look, we've just been overtaken by another bus...and then that other bus which we re-overtook a moment ago. Hey, this street ain't big enough for the three of us.
Oh look, the road is blocked by a bus coming the other way. Jeez...
Bus rant #3614. If a passenger waits for 14 minutes for a bus operating a 10 minute service and when one does eventually arrive it waits for a further 5 minutes what does that tell you? It means either a) the previous bus has gone missing or b) that it left early. The only certainties in life are clearly death and that Stagecoach will offer a crumby service.
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