British Comedy Guide

Startrek the text generation 2

CAPTAIN KIRK AND SPOCK BEAM DOWN TO A PLANET

KIRK (INTO DICTAPHONE)
Captains log we've landed on this...strange...unearthly world

SPOCK
Captain are you using a dictaphone?

KIRK
Yes old friend what of it?

SPOCK
The captain would appear to be using a dictaphone, his mobi doesn't have a record faccility...I fear he may be a bit of a tit.

KIRK
Keeping your own log Spock?

SPOCK
No captain simply tweeting.

KIRK
Hey my phones got a radio and, and snake

SUDDENLY PICARD AND RIKER BEAM IN.

PICARD
Number one I believe it's the original crew of the Enterpise

RIKER
Didn't we say we'd kill them if we caught them in our hood again?

PICARD
Make it so! Off the geriatric old bastards!

RIKER POINTS HIS iPHONE AT KIRK AND SPOCK

VO(iPHONE)
There are 23 public toilets near here, Commander CHakotay just sent you 2 goats on Farmville.

KIRK AND SPOCK RUN OFF

PICARD
Use your phaser you bearded number 2!

RIKER
No I paid for the phaser app.

PICARD
Fine Number 1 I'll do it.

PICARD POINTS HIS HTC AT KIRK AND SPOCK

VO(HTC)
You're phone does not contain the phaser app, contact android market place.

PICARD PHONES ON HIS HTC
Commander Data, 50 dollars for an app? You've learned the human skill of being a twat you yellow skinned gypo!

I liked it a lot up to the Riker line 'No I paid for the....'

It's a good idea Soots, but I don't get the 'You've learned the human skill of being a twat you yellow skinned gypo!' line.

Quote: sootyj @ May 14 2011, 10:42 PM BST

CAPTAIN KIRK AND SPOCK BEAM DOWN TO A PLANET

KIRK (INTO DICTAPHONE)
Captains log we've landed on this...strange...unearthly world

SPOCK
Captain are you using a dictaphone?

KIRK
Yes old friend what of it?

SPOCK
The captain would appear to be using a dictaphone, his mobi doesn't have a record faccility...I fear he may be a bit of a tit.

KIRK
Keeping your own log Spock?

SPOCK
No captain simply tweeting.

KIRK
Hey my phones got a radio and, and snake

SUDDENLY PICARD AND RIKER BEAM IN.

PICARD
Number one I believe it's the original crew of the Enterpise

RIKER
Didn't we say we'd kill them if we caught them in our hood again?

PICARD
Make it so! Off the geriatric old bastards!

RIKER POINTS HIS iPHONE AT KIRK AND SPOCK

VO(iPHONE)
There are 23 public toilets near here, Commander CHakotay just sent you 2 goats on Farmville.

KIRK AND SPOCK RUN OFF

PICARD
You're iphone phaser app still isn't working you bearded number2!

RIKER
But it's got a built in iPlayer and ipod and it's really creative!

PICARD
Fine Number 1 I'll do it.

PICARD POINTS HIS HTC AT KIRK AND SPOCK

VO(HTC)
You're phone does not contain the phaser app, contact android market place.

PICARD PHONES ON HIS HTC
Commander Data, I need a phaser app. 50 credits you appear to have mastered the human emotion of being a tight fisted wanker.

A BLUE BIRD APPEARS OVER HEAD EXPLODES INTO 3 LITTLE BIRDS LANDING ON KIRK AND SPOCK CRUSHING THEM

COMMANDER WORF STANDS ON A HILL FIDDLING WITH AN iPAD AND GRINNING

RIKER
Flash bastard.

The joke is sort of Data's an android, android market...

oh never mind!

Though mot my area of interest I think it would work well in something like a comic, with illustrations etc,it certainly showed bags of imagination

ta still needs neatening up;with the exception of work killing Kirk and Spock with angry birds 4 guys could do it on a stage

Quote: sootyj @ May 15 2011, 5:33 PM BST

ta still needs neatening up;with the exception of work killing Kirk and Spock with angry birds 4 guys could do it on a stage

Or perhaps film it?

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