Second effort at improving my delivery and content. The jokes and voice are all my own.
The Road to Stand Up
They're all good gags, short neat well defined punchlines so that's good.
But you're doing gag after gag and not engaging the audience. Also there's none of your own narrative in there.
Who are you? Why do people think you're a drugs dealer?
But over all good stuff.
I quite agree. It'll slowly develop. TBH, I'm just trying to get the mechanics sorted. I'm confident I'll be able to turn in a slick performance, before the end of the summer. I just wanted to do the gags.
Thanx for feedback. 
might I suggest a live audience even if its only families and friends
I may try that first.
The performance bit shouldn't be an issue.
A number of years ago (oooh, lemme see,..1997) my boss asked me at work, if I wanted to cover one of the office jobs. I was a bit shy then, and said I would, if I didn't have to answer the phone (poor ickle me). Fast forward ten years later and I'm briefing 40 guys, some of which were hard work (think brick sh*thouse welder). Now I can stand in front of anyone and say what has to be said.
Practice will make perfect.
Well, at least I don't lack confidence.
Good stuff, but your missing out on some of the fun stuff. Improving, riffing of the audience etc.
I still need to improve a bit first. Esp the points you noted. It's all a bit impersonal and the links are a bit thin. Plenty of opportunities.
Not bad at all. I can see the material working with an audience, but I think you need to slow down a bit, especially at your gag lines. If you use the same pace live you might start talking over laughter and people will miss some set-ups.
Trust me. If people laugh, I'll wait.
It's very hard to do stand up on your own, as your performance will change with an audience. Go and do some open 5 minute spots and film them.
Your deliver is okay, quite likeable, but most of the jokes would, I feel, die on their arse live. Personally, I liked the birthday card/lingerie gag and the one about going down south.
Have you ever performed live?
No. Not yet. I'm working my way towards that. I started off on here, thinking 'I've come up with a great gag, I need to save that', but now my mindset is changing to 'that was a good, how can I make it better or come up with a better one'. Once I'm happy with my material, then I'll go for it. I've only started to consider what I could do in comedy for just over a month, so I could do with a bit more time straightening my whole routine out.
Fair play PB, agree with the audience bit helping you out. And I loved the funny accent! Maybe it would be better if you did it actually sitting on a park bench? Make it more of a monologue, eating a sandwich or something. Watch out for sound if you do do that though.
Erm, the funny accent is my own voice...
Quote: Park Bench @ May 13 2011, 12:19 PM BSTErm, the funny accent is my own voice...
Just tugging on your larriat as it were PB
I can take it.