Well if you want a really good spread, people say that there's no place like Holmes!
A few jokes Page 3
A truly elementary gag, Mr P.
Whats on the menu. Please.
Quote: sootyj @ May 12 2011, 10:48 AM BSTFor valentines my husband got me an Irish breakfast in bed. I was spit roasted by Eamon Holmes and Terry Wogan.
That def has a Sootyj ring to it 
Thanks for the feedback everyone, much appreciated
Marc P and Rob H - I did word the Full Irish that way deliberately so as to show a warmth towards Eamonn Holmes, which you picked up from the joke so Im glad about that.
Lady - Chas and Dave comes to mind - Aint no pleasin You 
Only joking tho as each to their own when it comes to humour
Tony C - Thanks and will take that on board.
Quote: Rob H @ May 12 2011, 3:17 PM BSTI second this. It was the 'yet delightful' which added a bit of whimsey into the whole thing rather than it just being 'Eammon Holmes is Irish and fat.'
Like a man who's just been to see a chiropractor, I stand corrected.
I still think the general point holds true though, brevity is the sole of wit, although you do have to bear in mind the rhythm of the language.
I think Tony & Marc are both correct
I think it's Important not to have any unneccesary words but It's nice to get a bit of rythym & personality in the joke as well.
Oh I like the jokes by the way ShandonBelle
Although I've seen some better ones from you on Twitter, why not pick out a few of your back catalogue for our delectation.
I liked the full irish one the best. Wonder if you could maybe get an extra gag in with it, "I asked for a full irish but the waiter brought me Eamon Holmes. Why did you bring me him?" The waiter replied, 'he's an Irish fool, is he not?'.. Just a thought, although it might confuse things. Nice work though.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 12 2011, 5:12 PM BSTI think Tony & Marc are both correct
I think it's Important not to have any unneccesary words but It's nice to get a bit of rythym & personality in the joke as well.Oh I like the jokes by the way ShandonBelle
Although I've seen some better ones from you on Twitter, why not pick out a few of your back catalogue for our delectation.
No Steve the Belle is correct. It is her gag lest we forget! And the ones you like better are the ones you like better!! And tell Stewart Lee is it necessary not to have unnecessary words. Stand up comedy is music it isn't script writing. It's not nice by the way to have rhythm and personality it is everything!
Ok quote me now in pseuds corner.
Still think you are the funny man by the way!
Comedy IS in the eye of the beholder. I've never done stand-up, but I have stood up in front of a number of people and told jokes. Unfortunately, a cost-saving presentation for an enginnering company is not the time. I have since been made redundant.
I would guess (I guess a lot) that you would hope that a certain percentage of an audience would 'get' a gag. Horses for courses, I guess (again).
Ask anyone what their favourite joke is, and, like fingerprints*, you won't find two the same. Okay, maybe Jedward would like THE same joke.
I suppose (as opposed to guess) the best you can hope for, is that your range of jokes covers the widest range of audience possible. Whether stand-up, twitter, or stood next to the coffee machine.
I like to think that if I think it's a good joke, then the majority will. And no doubt, so does every other comic (not that I'm a comic, but you get my drift).
Never known anyone want to tell jokes they didn't like, even if they worked.
Can I go now ?
*not the world's best analogy.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 12 2011, 5:12 PM BSTAlthough I've seen some better ones from you on Twitter, why not pick out a few of your back catalogue for our delectation.
Twitter has been great for focusing the mind, I just sit there and type jokes direct into the tweet box most of the time,though the odd one I think of beforehand and have them jotted down rough.
I'll put a few of mine up Steve if you put a few of yours don't see your jokes on there enough 
Marc - I like and agree with your way of thinking re jokes... you're hired
Quote: Shandonbelle @ May 12 2011, 11:11 PM BSTMarc - I like and agree with your way of thinking re jokes... you're hired
Hurrah, I need some proper work!
Couple of new Twitter ones I put on
The Queen is to visit the Irish National Stud today, a spokesman for Colin Farrell says the actor will be honoured to meet her
Theres not much I don't know about humility
My lampshade started talking to me in a sexy French voice last night, must have been accent lighting
I dated a light switch what a turn off, too bright I prefer something dimmer.
Quote: Shandonbelle @ May 19 2011, 12:45 PM BSTTheres not much I don't know about humility
That's a peach
Good ones Shandonbelle - I'm guessing accent lighting is like mood lighting?