FARMS (COMP 13/6) Page 3

EXT. FIELD - DAY

Two cows stand together in the field grazing.

COW 1
I want to be a McDonald's.

COW 2
Really? What’s wrong with Burger King?

COW 1
It’s a bit Wimpy isn’t it?

COW 2
No. Wimpy’s wimpy.

COW 1
I think you’re just being a chicken.

COW 2
No. That’s KFC.

COW 1
Is that the one with all the Little Chefs?

COW 2
No. That’s Little Chef.

COW 1
Do you know what they call quarter pounders with cheese in Paris?

COW 2
What you on about?

COW 1
Just go with it.

COW 2
No. I don’t know what they called quarter pounders with cheese in Paris?

COW 1
Royale with cheese.

COW 2
Forget being a Burger King. I want to be a Royale with cheese.

Two farmers stroll up to the cows.

FARMER 1
(Points to Cow 1)
This ones for Burger King.

COW 1
Damn it.

FARMER 1
(Points to Cow 2)
This ones for buggering.

COW 2
Where’s that?

COW 1
Well look on the bright side, you might still get some cheese.

END.

Once upon a time in a little village there lived 3 hugely obese women, who were known as the 3 fat pigs. One day the three fat pigs were sitting on their made to measure massivo chairs holding their stomach’s up from the floor. I am stuffed said the 1st fat pig, bits of floorboard dribbling from her chin. You wish you were said the 2nd fat pig munching on the remains of a door. I am so horny said the 3rd fat pig who was throwing a boulder up to the ceiling & catching the plaster that fell, in her mouth.
Lets all go out and get shagged they chorused.
So off the 3 fat pigs wobbled.
Past the farm they wibbled, their chins chaffing on the floor, into the woods they waddled all in the search for a bit of cock.
Suddenly they happened upon Mr Wolf. He was in the middle of riding a hood. Huffing & Puffing away.on top of her.
Oiiiiii Mr Wolf the fat pigs screeched. Mr wolf looked over his shoulder. Put That thing down the 1st fat pig hollerd.. The 3 fat pigs then picked up the bottom of their skirts pulled them up to their waist and screamed. Eat us instead.
Now Mr wolf turned a mushy pea shade of green. He gulped and backed off from riding a hood. Poor Mr Wolf started to shake with fear.
The three fat pigs had him cornered.
Poor Mr Wolf started to cry like a baby. Please don’t make me do anything. Please he wailled and whined.
The 3 fat pigs took off all their clothes much to Mr Wolfs dismay.
Then they gang banged him. When they had finished they gang banged him some more.
After the 3 fat pigs had finished their 5th orgasm they picked up & carried a comatose Mr Wolf in the folds of their skin, all the way home.
I think we will keep him forever said the 2nd fat pig.
Now the moral to this story is.
If Mr Wolf a mere man, had just done what he was told to do & eaten the fat pigs to begin with, he could have spent his life merrily doing whatever he wanted, instead of spending the rest of it with 3 big fat pigs.

OK Smith - sorry if I didn't make the rules clear. I take some things for granted.

The end of the comp is Tuesday evening and then the voting opens. OK?

FARMER : Hello young lad. And what be your name?

AARON : My name's Aaron.

FARMER : You seem to be a bit old for work experience.

AARON : I'm what you call a mature student.

FARMER : Mature student? More like bloody leech on the system.

AARON : I'm sorry?

FARMER : I must apologise. This has nothing to dowith the subject matter of the sketch.

PAUSE

FARMER : Now then - today you have to wank the bullocks.

AARON (DISGUSTED) : Wank the ... bullocks???

FARMER : Yes - it's a necessary job for several reasons. Firstly it helps the bullocksd. It gives them a bit of relief so that they're not so stressed and aggressive.

AARON : I suppose that sounds understandable.

FARMER : And secondly - you know how organic milk has a different sort of - tang?

AARON THROWS UP

Can I take the comp back Davey Boy? I want to be host again!! I miss my old job!!

Quote: Leevil @ June 17, 2007, 12:30 AM

Can I take the comp back Davey Boy? I want to be host again!! I miss my old job!!

View original

Cost ya!!!

How much you willing to pay?

Well seeing as I'm an all mighty moderator - nothing.

Quote: Leevil @ June 17, 2007, 12:37 AM

Well seeing as I'm an all mighty moderator - nothing.

View original

Fair enough! Seems like a good offer under the circumstances.

If you still want to do it, go for it. But if you don't I'll have it back.

I never thought you'd ask. Just don't fiddle the voting!

Quote: David Chapman @ June 14, 2007, 7:51 AM

I'm glad you explained that one Charley.

View original

There is nothing funnier than mushroom humour!

!CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED! !CLOSED!

Start voting by posting the writers name of your favourite entry here.

1 vote per person.

Voting ends Monday 25th June.

My vote is for.... Leevil

Thanks Badge, my vote goes to.... Jude!