Would this work in stand-up ?

TV cookery programmes. They make it look so easy don't they. 'You can cook this in 30 minutes' boasts Jamie Oliver. Here's 'How to cheat at cooking' says Delia.
You just need some simple ingredients. Pasta, nutmeg, coriander, a sprig of mint and some green beans.
I look in my 'store' cupboard, and all I've got is a tin of hot dogs and some pineapple rings.
So MY guests won't be having 'pasta alla genovese', Jamie, they'll be having 'sausage a la fruit donut'

Not heard back from 'Come Dine With Me' just yet...

Maybe if you put a pineapple ring at either end of the hotdogs you could have interesting food races to make up for the lack of ingredients? Wedge a piece of toast in between the pineapples to make a rudimentary bench, et voila! Fruity toast dog chariots. Maybe a Ben Hur themed night?

... except you would need lentils between the rings & dog to act as bearings in order to retain the toast bench horizontality...

Too many ingredients for me.

How about this gag....?

As you can tell from my voice, I'm from the North. I used to think I had a pretty neutral voice, but listening back to myself, I've found it sounds more like 'neutered'.
I asked my best mate for advice, and he said I needed to 'grow a pair of bollocks'. I replied 'What, like toughen up a bit and take no notice of the piss-takers ?'.
He said 'No, grow a REAL pair of bollocks, the testosterone will give you a deeper voice' !!!!!

Better than the food one.

Bollocks are such a touchy subject though. Women think they're repulsive & can't get to grips with them, while most men only like visualising their own.