Sitcom Trials Entry -- Shock Treatment

EDIT: PLEASE READ THE OTHER THREAD "SHOCK TREATMENT-SITCOM TRIALS ENTRY" AS THAT CONTAINS THE FULL SCRIPT. THANKS.

Hello all,

I'd like your opinions on the opening scene of my entry for the Sitcom-Trials. The working title is "Shock Treatment" and it's about a psychologist with a rather idiosyncratic way of working.

I'll post the extract below.

Many thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

INT. LIME'S OFFICE - DAY

DR. SIRIUS LIME ruminates behind his desk. MRS RIORDAN sits
opposite.

MRS RIORDAN
It was my husband's idea.

Lime nods. He selects a sweet from the bowl on his desk.

MRS RIORDAN
He doesn't like my constant
cleaning. He says I'm obsessive.

Lime nods, chewing the sweet. He tosses the wrapper on the
desk, at which Mrs Riordan flinches and shuts her eyes.

LIME
And is your husband a practising
psychologist?

MRS RIORDAN
I don't think so.

LIME
Then leave the diagnosis to me, Mrs
Riordan.

Mrs Riordan nods, still with eyes closed.

LIME
Your eyes are closed. Does the sweet
wrapper trouble you?

MRS RIORDAN
And the papers on the floor. The
layer of dust on the desk. Not to
mention the state of the carpet.

LIME
I see. Well--

MRS RIORDAN
The windows are grimy.

LIME
Open your eyes, Mrs Riordan.

MRS RIORDAN
Bookshelf all higgle-de-piggledy.

LIME
Gott in Himmel! Open your eyes!

She forces her eyes open. Nervously, she wrings her hands.

LIME
Tell me, what would you most like
to do in the world right now?

MRS RIORDAN
I'd like to, well, I'd like to put
that wrapper in the bin.

LIME
And what is stopping you?

MRS RIORDAN
It wouldn't be right. It's your
office.

LIME
So you'd be doing me a favour, yes?

MRS RIORDAN
Well...

LIME
Embrace your flaws! Take control!

Mrs Riordan reaches tentatively for the wrapper.

LIME
Yes! Dominate your world! Crush
your doubts!

Mrs Riordan picks up wrapper.

LIME
Do it! Do it! Do it!

Mrs Riordan pops the wrapper in the wastebasket.

LIME
Congratulations, Mrs Riordan. Your
husband is a fool. Divorce him.
Keep cleaning and be happy.

MRS RIORDAN
Oh, this is wonderful. Dr Lime, how
can I ever pay you back?

LIME
I prefer my fee in cash. Can you come,
say, twice a week? I think that would be
enough to keep my office clean, I
mean, to maintain your confidence.

MRS RIORDAN
Thank you, Dr Lime.

Mrs Riordan leaves.

END OF EXTRACT

From the extract it is hard to see where this is going so I couldn't make a call either way.
As it stands it looks like a completed sketch, but that is only based on what I have seen.
I think you would benefit from putting up the overall plot that way you could have the thing viewed more comprehensively.
Either way at least you're actually writing and entering so that in its self is a positive.

I agree - a very difficult scene to comment on out of context. It has the self-contained quality of a sketch and the gentle pacing of a comedy drama.

Thanks for the comments.

The first scene is to set up the character of Lime, so I guess it is difficult to comment without seeing what happens next.

I might post up the rest when it's finished--the only thing that holds me back is that the formatting is difficult to get right for the message boards. Is there a way to link to a PDF file or something?