Quote: sootyj @ April 26 2011, 11:33 AM BSTThanks
How you doing Bush>?
Fine thanks, just opening a red....as you do 
Stand up routine for a works do Page 3
final chapter sort of
Still I couldn't get excited about the royal wedding. I'm sorry but it's the second in 12 months for heavens sake!
And they were so similar both about 2 public school educated dimwits who were out of touch with the common people who found each other irresistible.
I am of course referring to the marriage of Cleggers and Cameron.
Well when they say each other across the studio it was love at first and no need for a drawn out 10 year engagement. And unlike the royal wedding we don't just get to watch the ceremony we also get, to get screwed too!!
But there have been uncomplimentary comparison made between Wills and Kates nuptuals and channel 4s hugely popular my big fat gyspy wedding.
Not entirely unfair.
I mean neither of them pay any tax.
And they both eat swans, except the stars of gypsy wedding get a 50 pound and suspended sentence if they get caught.
Still for all you royal lovers out there don't fear. There's still Harry's wedding and it's so.
On legal advice I won't make the next joke.
Bloody super injuctions. It's ruining stand-up. You can't make jokes about anyone earning over 50 grand a year anymore.
So most routines are now did you hear about ahem doing ahem with ahem 2 other eherms and a black and white ahem! Whilst uhm was in hospital giving birth ahem.
I mean you can be subtle so you can make jokes about
(Mimes kicking a football, shagging and being old)
Or you can just stick to making jokes about anyone who pissed all their money up the wall.
So Micheal Barrymoore, Darius and David van Day walk into a pub...
We're all having wine
What kind?
All white!
The death of Bin Laden last week created some very mixed emotions. Relief, fear at reprisals questioning if we should ever celebrate death. In my case it was...
Bollox now I'm going to have to write a whole new section.
Still at least they were generous enough to kill him after the Royal Wedding.
What a clash that would have been.
They wouldn't know which elusive celebrity had been caught after 10 years and was going to get a right royal shafting.
And the conspiracy theories have already started, apparently Isreal was involved as his last words were
"I'd have got away with it if it wasn't those darned Yids."
Bit of confusion though at Obama's announcement of the death as Trump has just found evidence Osama was Obama and Hawaii was Pakisan.
But there has been some further good news. Obama is dumping his body at sea to stop it becoming a shrine.
And George Dubya has said he'll dance on Osama's grave.
I reckon I know how they caught him. The same way the intelligence agencies track most dangerous criminals.
He registered his Oyster card on line... the fool!
Quote: sootyj @ May 2 2011, 3:27 PM BST
And the conspiracy theories have already started, apparently Isreal was involved as his last words were
"I'd have got away with it if it wasn't those darned Yids."
Cracking gag Soot but I would change 'darned' to 'pesky'.
Quote: Will Cam @ May 2 2011, 5:06 PM BST
I agree (cracking gag) but I'd also add 'too' as in 'I would've got away with it too' more Scooby-doo-ish IMHO
I didn't see the earlier draft but there is some good stuff in there I thought though a lot will depend on the delivery. A lot will also depend on how quickly you can hook people in too and I really appreciate the family friendly material being difficult to write - there's a real skill to that and I suspect regulars on the circuit would have problems doing that.
Good luck with it. 
The joke about Kate Middleton (re-worded) and the one about Steve Jobs in the first half were good. Otherwise I would agrea with much of the feedback.
Good luck - at least your willing to stand up and be counted, unlike most (but I would look for a co-writer). The great Bob Hope never wrote his own material.
The tragic thing is I write standup material comercially.
Alas it would appear the cobbler's children go unshod
This sounds like a job for - the JLA! Either that or you need to pull your socks up. Assuming Nick's right of course, I've read enough for now!
Quick pointer in regards to royal wedding / cameron joke, I would re-word it via pretending your talking about the royal wedding when your really referring to clegg / cameron as this will have more of a shock element also my first thought from the first line was what 2 ROYAL weddings. Or even just mention the wedding and say something along the lines of "no doubt it will be rosie to start with but soon like in any other marriage cracks will show, just look at cameron and clegg"
GL with it
Good advice thanks!
Could you also show the Oyster card in one of those yellow plastic wallets and flip it open like a Star Trek device. Some of the new stations like Bank look a bit space age so getting sci-fi could be also be an angle especially if you can link to the new Dr Who maybe.
Hmm good stuff
Beam up Borrisey!
Went really well got great laughs in the end I used the Bin Laden AV and marriage stuff and dropped the rest.
Added some well worn jokes went well.
Well done - difficult to think of anything much more stressful than doing stand up for people you have to look in the eye afterwards.