SETTING - Inside a meeting hall, with about thirty attendees.
CHARACTERS - TARIQ is male, with a distinct Middle East accent. Other characters accents are unimportant.
As the sketch starts, there is background noise of the attendees murmuring amongst themselves.
SOUND EFFECT - Gavel banging three times
TARIQ:
Greetings, my brothers. I have called you here today for a very special reason - our religion is once again being mocked!
BACKGROUND - Shocked murmurs
TARIQ:
Yes! Those that should fear us have openly displayed their contempt by printing an offensive cartoon in a newspaper known as the "Daily Mail". It mocks our spiritual leader, and I propose that we go on a rampage through London, beheading all we meet with a one blow from our mighty sabres! WHO IS WITH ME!! (Pauses in silence) Once again, my brothers - WHO IS WITH ME! (silence again) Yes, Brother Calrissian?
JEDI #1
Well, it all seems a bit extreme, doesn't it? What exactly did the cartoon say?
TARIQ:
It was a picture of our Lord, George Lucas.
ATTENDEES
raise be.
TARIQ:
And he was holding copies of his latest re releasing of the original holy trilogy, which I have on order from Amazon, and the caption said "Star Whore".
BACKGROUND - Stifled giggling.
TARIQ:
IT IS NOT FUNNY! We Jedi are an official religion, and we cannot allow such mockery. Ignite your lightsabers, brothers and sisters, and come with me to London where we will spread our gospel - with blood!
JEDI #2:
Well, when were you thinking of going?
TARIQ:
I was thinking Saturday.
JEDI #2:
My mum makes me do the windows Saturdays, so I'm going to have to say no on that one.
JEDI #3:
Me too. I ALWAYS watch the holy trilogy on Saturdays.
BACKGROUND:
General murmurs of dissent. Above them can be heard "I'm going to a comic convention" and "I'm downloading Porn".
SOUND EFFECT - Gavel banging twice.
TARIQ:
My brothers! I can see that a murderous rampage is not going to happen, so I am left with no option! Princess Leia, are you taking the minutes?
LEIA:
Yes, brother Tariq.
TARIQ:
Right. Take a letter: Dear Editor of the Daily Mail. I was shocked and disgusted to see a cartoon... (fade)
