Dan and I have took in the opinions for the first episode. Thanks for those and we are improving on them. Episode 2 is better than the first but we would still like some feedback. The setting for the sitcom is an airline called PortAir. Terry is the womanising, drinking male and Jeff is a shy, hardworking man. Jeremy is an overexaggerated upper class man. Albert is an overexaggerated gay man and Sally is a friendly, kind woman. Scene 1 is in Terry and Jeff's flat (Both members of check-in staff). Jeff has recently moved in and his belongings are being brought up to the flat. Scene 2 is in the staff room and Terry is complaining about Jeff's pet hamster and Jeremy the pilot is suffering from a bad throat. Albert is another member of check-in staff and Sally is an air hostess.
SCENE 1. INT. TERRY AND JEFF’S FLAT – DAY 1
SCENE OPENS INSIDE THE FLAT. JEFF IS STROLLING AROUND. TERRY WALKS IN CARRYING A BIG CHEST OF DRAWERS.
JEFF:
Need some help?
TERRY:
Sure. I had no trouble hauling this thing up three flights of stairs, dodging the neighbours in the corridors and having an argument with the tattoo man next door, but the last few steps are pretty difficult.
TERRY PUTS THE CHEST OF DRAWERS DOWN ON THE FLOOR.
TERRY:
Is that everything?
JEFF:
No, one more thing.
JEFF LEAVES THE ROOM. TERRY SIGHS AND LOOKS TO THE FLOOR. JEFF RE-ENTERS WITH A CAGE CONTAINING A HAMSTER.
TERRY:
(SHOCKED) That better be your wood shavings collection!
JEFF:
No. This is my pet hamster Ben.
TERRY:
No! No! No! I never agreed that you could bring a pet into my flat!
JEFF:
Well the landlord did. And this flat is owned by the airport so it’s not up to you.
TERRY:
Heed my warning! I don’t like hamsters.
JEFF:
Why not?
TERRY:
What do you mean? They’re just rodents with a good name.
JEFF:
Then how do you feel about me getting another pet. Like… (PAUSES) a dog?
TERRY:
Wet nosed demons that smell each others arses! No thanks.
JEFF:
…Cat?
TERRY:
Furballs that bury their own crap! No way.
JEFF:
…Parrot?
TERRY:
I have enough trouble talking to people.
JEFF:
…Guinea Pig?
TERRY:
That’s just a fat, hairy hamster so we’re back to square one.
JEFF:
Do you hate all animals?
TERRY:
No. Germs. I have no problem with them.
JEFF:
Well get over it. This place could use a bit of life.
TERRY:
We’ve got plants!
JEFF:
Have you looked at them lately?
TERRY LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER TO SEE A BUNCH OF DEAD PLANTS. EACH PLANT HAS NO LEAVES APART FROM ONE WITH A SINGLE LEAF. IT SUDDENLY FALLS OFF TO DISPLAY SEVERAL LEAFLESS PLANTS.
TERRY:
How did that happen?
JEFF:
Well it’s probably due to the lager you’ve been watering them with since I got here.
TERRY:
(TENDING TO PLANTS) I thought they would get lively if they were drunk.
JEFF:
(LOOKING INTO THE CAGE) I’ll keep him in my room. Don’t worry.
TERRY:
At least give him a more exiting name like…Stalin…or…Atilla the Ham.
JEFF:
(CARRYING CAGE TO ROOM) Okay. His new name is…Colin!
TERRY:
(SNIGGERING AND NOW SARCASTICALLY) Colin. That’s exiting!
JEFF:
(JUSTIFYING) He is the greatest golfer Britain has ever seen.
TERRY:
Whatever. I’m going to bed.
JEFF:
It’s half eight!?
TERRY:
Okay. There’s a porn on that I wanna watch. Live with it.
TERRY GOES TO HIS BEDROOM AND SHUTS THE DOOR. A FEW SECONDS LATER THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN AND WE SEE TERRY’S ARM PLACE A ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ SIGN ON THE DOOR AND SHUTS IT AGAIN. JEFF SHAKES HIS HEAD AND TAKES ‘COLIN’ TO HIS ROOM.
FADE TO:
SCENE 2. INT. STAFF ROOM – DAY 1
ALBERT AND SALLY ARE ALREADY IN THE STAFF ROOM. JEFF WALKS LOOKING HAPPY AND REFRESHED.
JEFF:
Morning everyone.
SALLY:
What are you so happy about?
JEFF:
I had the best nights sleep. I slept like a baby.
ALBERT:
And Terry?
JEFF:
Yeah, he slept like a baby.
TERRY NOW STUMBLES INTO THE ROOM EXHAUSTED, DRAGGING HIS FEET ALONG THE FLOOR AND GRABBING HOLD OF THINGS AROUND THE ROOM TO KEEP HIM FROM FALLING. HE THEN REACHES ONE END OF THE SOFA AND JUST FALLS UPON IT.
SALLY:
I thought you said he slept like baby?
JEFF:
Yeah, he kept waking up crying.
JEREMY NOW ENTERS COUGHING.
JEREMY:
(BAD THROAT) Are all the hostesses on board?
SALLY:
All except me. I’m having some time off.
JEREMY:
Time off! Time off! In my day, we didn’t have time off. We were hard at work twenty four hours a day wherever it were. Down the mines or… (COUGHING)
ALBERT:
What’s wrong? Sounds like you’re losing your voice.
JEREMY:
Poppycock!
ALBERT:
Maybe later but for now what’s wrong with your voice?
JEREMY:
Just a sore throat. I’m a man. I can handle it. As long as I’ve got…
JEREMY TAKES OUT A BOTTLE FROM INSIDE HIS JACKET.
JEREMY:
…Night Nurse.
JEREMY HOLDS THE BOTTLE WITH THE LABEL FACING THE CAMERA.
SALLY:
That causes drowsiness. You’re a pilot!
JEREMY:
That’s alright. As long as I’ve got…
JEREMY TAKES OUT A BOTTLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF HIS JACKET.
JEREMY:
…Nescafe.
SALLY:
Well I know a few remedies if you want to try some?
ALBERT:
Nonsense. My family’s had allsorts of things passed down from generation to generation. Like remedies for example. Another thing is my beautiful blue eyes.
SALLY:
Your eyes are bloodshot and green…
ALBERT:
Oh no! My contacts have fallen out!
JEREMY:
Well, I better dash. That plane won’t fly itself.
SALLY:
The passengers would be safer.
JEREMY:
They have no choice. I want money. (LOOKS AT WATCH) Oh darn I’m going to be late now. I’ll see you all later. Toodlepip.
JEREMY EXITS WHISTLING THE SONG ‘COME FLY WITH ME’. SALLY AND ALBERT LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
SALLY:
What were we talking about before?
ALBERT:
I believe we were about to enquire why Jeff had a good nights sleep.
SALLY:
Oh yeah. And also why Terry looks exhausted?
ALBERT:
Should we continue that discussion then?
SALLY:
Yes. We shall.
SALLY AND ALBERT TURN THEIR HEADS INTO THE DIRECTION OF TERRY AND ARE STARTLED BY HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION. HIS EYES AND MOUTH ARE OPEN. HE DOESN’T BLINK.
SALLY:
(TO JEFF) So, what’s the case?
JEFF:
Beats me. I better get going too actually. Work has to be done.
JEFF EXITS. CAMERA ZOOMS TO GET A CLOSE UP OF TERRY’S FACE.
TERRY:
(MUTTERING UNDER BREATH) The f**king rat…
SALLY:
What?
TERRY:
The rat…Colin
ALBERT:
Who’s Colin?
TERRY:
Colin…Jeff’s hamster!
SALLY:
Awwww. I love hamsters.
TERRY:
Take that back! They are demonic creatures of the night put on this earth for the sole purpose to kill me.
ALBERT:
How can a hamster keep you awake?
SALLY:
Haven’t you ever had a hamster?
ALBERT:
No. I always had snakes and spiders.
TERRY:
That’s a bit butch for someone like you isn’t it?
ALBERT:
I only did it so my mum wouldn’t get suspicious when I brought boys back to the house…But I didn’t realise that hamsters were so noisy.
SALLY:
Oh yeah. Noisy buggers are hamsters.
ALBERT:
(CURIOUSLY) Really? They don’t look it.
SALLY:
No but the wheel they run on, the food they munch, the way they chew the cage. Very annoying if you’re trying to sleep.
TERRY:
Exactly! Now, tell me some discrete way to kill it.
SALLY:
You can’t murder a hamster! It’s cruel!
TERRY:
(LOOKS SALLY IN THE FACE) But it’s an honour killing for God’s sake.
SALLY:
I’m not playing any part in it.
TERRY:
Very well. Albert?
ALBERT:
Go and ask Nigel. He might have some poison you can use.
SALLY:
(SHOCKED) Albert!
TERRY:
Thanks mate.
TERRY GOES TO LEAVE THE ROOM.
TERRY:
(TO SELF) Nothing furry stays in my flat unless it’s attached to me!
FADE TO:
Dan and I have a Myspace site if wish to have a look around. There is not much there at the moment but we are hoping to put some of our sketches up there in the future. www.myspace.com/ryderandprower
Thanks Sean Prower
