SO, here are some extracts from my Laughing Stock entry which made it through to the second stage but no further 
It is my first attempt at any writing, let alone comedy writing so be gentle! 
The set up is thus: failed pop star Michael Comet is sent to live with Keith Boswell, an unemployed, alcoholic ex-boxer, in Rotherham, to discover what life is like living on benefits. Michael is a veteran of the reality TV circuit, but wants to get his pop career back on track. His PA, Shelley accompanies him.
Here we go....
INT. KEITH'S LIVING ROOM. DAY:
MICHAEL
Keith, I want to say that I am looking forward to the next week. I hope that I can learn a lot from you and we can share that with the people at home. Of course, those people watching will recognize me from my days on Top of the Pops but-
KEITH
And jungle... f**kin, you know... when you tossed off that koala bear.
MICHAEL
Yes, and Celebrity Jungle Japes.
KEITH
Was piss funny. Little face...
KEITH pulls a "sex face", and mimes a "wanking" action.
MICHAEL
It was a... you know it was scientific... [MOVING ON] But of course, this show isn't all about me. We want to find out about you. So, who is Keith Boswell?
KEITH
Well, me name's Keith. Keith Boswell. I'm fifty seven, divorced. Cow. I used to be a boxer- promising career. Went toe to toe with the contender for world number one, back in 1986. Had to give it up. Sign on.
He leans forward, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.
KEITH
Bad back.
He winks at the camera.
KEITH
I like havin a few pints down in the workin men's club, and I enjoy watchin me boxin tapes. I used to tape em off the telly. I've got some classics on there- Bruno vees Williams, Bruno vees Lewis, Bruno vees Ferguson, Bruno vees Tyson, Bruno vees Mari- oh actually I don't have that cos I lent it me brother in law and the daft bastard taped Brookside over it. I f**kin hate Brookside an all.
MICHAEL (EAGERLY)
Did you know that I nearly auditioned for a part on Brookside?
KEITH
Erm...
Awkward pause.
KEITH
Yeah, so that's it really. Welcome to me house. Make yourself at home.
MICHAEL
Mi casa et vous casa.
KEITH
You what?
MICHAEL
It's Spanish. It's a phrase.
KEITH looks confused.
EXT. KEITH'S BACK GARDEN. DAY: KEITH is stroking one of his dogs. He and MICHAEL are sitting in plastic garden chairs.
MICHAEL
Are all of these dogs yours?
KEITH
Yeah mate. I love these dogs.
MICHAEL
You've got quite a few... how many dogs do you have?
KEITH
Well, there's Tyson, Ali, Rocky, Bruno... funny thing about Bruno right- I bought him and Tyson off a bloke down the workin mens. Now, I though Bruno'd had his, you know...
He gestures at his crotch.
MICHAEL
Oh right.
KEITH
Cock and balls chopped off.
MICHAEL coughs, crosses his legs.
KEITH
Anyway, got him home and bloody Rocky... he wouldn't stop tryin to shag him. I thought 'Great, I've bought a pair of queer dogs here'. Anyway, I took him back to the fella and I said 'Look, I'm not being funny but these dogs is puffs mate'.
MICHAEL
Well, you know...
KEITH
But... get this... he tells me that Rocky is a bloke, but Bruno... Bruno is a bird, bitch dog.
Pause.
MICHAEL
So, you kept the name Bruno though?
KEITH
Well, he's confused enough without me changing his name.
INT. KEITH'S HOUSE. DAY:
KEITH
I tell you what, whoever said they was man's best friend was telling the truth. Who were it what said that? Man's best friend?
MICHAEL
I think it's just a saying
KEITH
Were it Churchill?
MICHAEL
He said 'we'll fight them on the beaches', I'm not sure he-
KEITH
I reckon it was Churchill what said it. He said loads of quotes. Famous ones.
Pause for a beat.
MICHAEL
So Keith, shall we-
KEITH (INTERRUPTING)
Never surrender. He said that one an all.
MICHAEL
Yes. What we really want to do- why we're here Keith, is to find out what life is really like living on benefits. Honestly, don't pull any punches or try to hide anything. Warts and all!
KEITH
Who told you about warts?
MICHAEL
I... um...
KEITH
Cos I took the cream and that Julie Stranks is a fu-
MICHAEL
Keith, it's just a turn of phrase, a saying.
Pause for a beat.
KEITH
Did Churchill say that one an all? Warts?
_______________________________________________________
INT. JOB CENTRE. DAY.
KEITH
Right, I'm going to sign on. You guys just wait here for a bit, I shouldn't be long.
MICHAEL and SHELLEY sit down on some plastic seats.
INT. JOB CENTRE. DAY: Long shot of KEITH sitting at a desk, talking to a man in a suit.
INT. JOB CENTRE. DAY: MICHAEL and SHELLEY are sitting on the seats. A man, DARREN, sits down next to MICHAEL, texting on his phone. He looks up, notices the camera, turns and notices MICHAEL.
DARREN
Look who it... Micky Comet!
MICHAEL
Michael...
DARREN
Micky bloody Comet.
MICHAEL
Always pleased to meet a-
DARREN
You must be on your arse mate. What you doing here? Signing on?
MICHAEL
Oh no, I'm here with... we're filming a-
DARREN
Bloody hell. Goes to show, you've got it all one day, then the next you're... [POINTING TO THE WOLF T-SHIRT] I used to have one like that.
MICHAEL
No, really, I'm here with that man over-
DARREN
Listen mate, my wife loves you. Can I get a picture for her?
MICHAEL
Well yes, of course you can. Anything for a fan.
DARREN hands his phone to SHELLEY.
DARREN
Would you mind love? Cheers. [TO MICHAEL] Yeah, she's got all your hits mate, loves em. She's got.... You know... that greatest hits one. She loves it. [TAKING PHONE BACK] Cheers love.
MICHAEL
Marvelous. What's her name?
DARREN is not really listening, disinterested now he has the picture.
DARREN
Ey? Oh, she's called Debs mate.
MICHAEL
I can sign something for her if you want? [TO SHELLEY] Do you have a pen?
DARREN
Hmm?
MICHAEL
I can give you an autograph for Debs?
DARREN
Nah mate, you're alright.
Awkward silence.
INT. JOB CENTRE. DAY: Long shot of Keith opening a can of lager at the desk. He is told to put it away.
INT. JOB CENTRE. DAY: MICHAEL, SHELLEY and DARREN are sitting in silence. DARREN's phone rings.
DARREN (INTO PHONE)
Alright love. You get that picture? (...) I'm not messing around love, he's here in the job centre, signing on.
MICHAEL
Actually, I'm not-
DARREN (INTO PHONE)
I know, that's what I said. Can't have a pot to piss in. (...) Honestly love, he's sat right next to (...) Yeah, alright [TO MICHAEL] Here, she wants to speak to you.
MICHAEL
Hello? Is that Debs? (...) Yes, it really is me. I just want to clarify that I'm not actually here to sign- (...) No, I'm not Gav. Honestly, I'm here with [TO DARREN] What was your name again?
DARREN
Darren.
MICHAEL
I'm here with Darren and he has told me that you are- (...) Prove it? Well, OK, how can I- (...) That? Well, it was a bag of cockroaches, and I had to put them- (...) My trousers, yes. (...) That was, well... it was [WHISPERING, EMBARRASSED] it was koala bear.
DARREN
Ha ha! Is she asking you what animal you wanked off on that Jungle Japes?
MICHAEL nods, trying to listen to the phone.
DARREN
Ha! The dirty cow! Tell her she's a dirty cow!
MICHAEL
Er...
DARREN
Go on, tell her she's a dirty cow, from me.
MICHAEL
Erm... he says (...) You're a dirty cow. (...) No! Sorry, no, I didn't, it was... Darren said to say- (...) Yes, he did. (...) Well, I don't think (...) [TO DARREN] She... You're a dickhead.
DARREN
You what?
MICHAEL
I didn't... it was [POINTS AT THE PHONE] It don't even know you.
DARREN
She called me a dickhead?
MICHAEL (RELIEVED)
Yes.
DARREN
Ha ha. Call her a saggy titted cow.
MICHAEL
Ooh, now really. I don't-
DARREN
Go on- call her a saggy titted cow. From me.
MICHAEL
He... you... you're a saggy titted cow (...) No, look, I'm not (...) Yes, he said that too. (...) What? (...) [TO DARREN] You're a gayboy.
DARREN
F**k off mate- I'm not the one who wanked off a wild animal.
DARREN snatches the phone back and walks away.