An audio sketch.
VAN DER CRAAFT
For my next excursion into the labyrinth of the human mind I will need your assistance, sir. What is your name?
MALCOLM
It's Malcolm.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Malcolm, I want you to reach into this velvet pouch and carefully remove the container that lies within.
MALCOLM
You mean this egg?
VAN DER CRAAFT
I want you to check that container thoroughly and confirm it is hermetically sealed. Can you verify that assertion?
MALCOLM
The egg? Yeah, it's sealed, I guess.
VAN DER CRAAFT
And therefore there is no way of knowing what lies inside that impenetrable container. Can you verify that assertion?
MALCOLM
It's an egg.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Can you verify that assertion?
MALCOLM
(Sighs) Yeah, whatever.
VAN DER CRAAFT
What lies within is unknown and unknowable. Only a fool or a madman would dare try to predict the contents of this enigmatic oval. Which is why I'm not even going to try, Malcolm, you are. Are you amazed?
MALCOLM
Amazed is a bit strong.
VAN DER CRAAFT
I sense your mind is a torrent of fear and confusion, Malcolm. I need you to stay calm. Allow an image to form in your mind's eye of what lies beyond those impermeable walls--
MALCOLM
Done.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Do not let the dread of the unknown cloud your vision--
MALCOLM
Yeah, I've got it.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Embrace the cosmic connection that binds us all and let it guide you-
MALCOLM
I've got it! Can we do this already.
VAN DER CRAAFT
I will now make the perilous venture into the labyrinth of Malcolm's mind and retrieve that image.
WE HEAR VAN DER CRAAFT'S HEAVY BREATHING.
MALCOLM
(Impatient) Oh, come on.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Okay, I now have your answer and I am drawing it on this piece of paper.
MALCOLM
For crying out loud.
VAN DER CRAAFT
Malcolm, I want you to open the container and reveal what lies inside.
MALCOLM
Inside this egg is...
F/X EGG CRACKING.
MALCOLM
An egg.
PAUSE
VAN DER CRAAFT
Anything else?
MALCOLM
Not really, a bit of shell--
VAN DER CRAAFT
Now would you kindly look at the drawing and say what you see.
MALCOLM
It looks like a boat.
PAUSE
VAN DER CRAAFT
One of us has got things very wrong.
MALCOLM
Are you finished?
VAN DER CRAAFT
Yes.
MALCOLM
I really think it's time to reconsider the concept of a magic themed burger van.
VAN DER CRAAFT
I'll get your roll and egg.
END
