SOUTH AFRICANS TERRENCE AND RICKY DRIVE THEIR JEEP THROUGH THE WILDLIFE RESERVE WHERE THEY WORK
F/XTHE SOUND OF A JEEP DRIVING OVER ROUGH TERRAIN (CONTINUOUS)
RICKY:
So, Terrence, last day on the reservation. How does it feel?
TERRENCE:
Don't think it's really sunk in yet.
RICKY:
Everyone's going to miss you, friend.
TERRENCE:
Who?
RICKY:
The other rangers and staff, you domkop.
TERRENCE:
Oh, them. Right.
PAUSE
TERRENCE:
What about the animals?
RICKY:
What about them?
TERRENCE:
I've devoted most of my adult life to looking after them, Ricky, you'd think that they might want to say thanks and goodbye but I haven't heard a dickie bird.
RICKY:
(Chuckles) They're out there fit and healthy and living their lives, Terrence. That's the best thanks of all, isn't it?
TERRENCE:
Yeah, I suppose. (Beat) Actually no, a gift would be a bit more tangible.
RICKY:
Not this again.
TERRENCE:
Nothing fancy. I'm not expecting a crystal decanter or silver pocket watch or anything - that would be too expensive... although they could club together, spread the cost--
RICKY:
Come on, Terrence.
TERRENCE:
Just something that shows their appreciation. Even a card would do.
RICKY:
How would they even buy a card?
TERRENCE:
Doesn't have to be shop bought, Ricky. A simple collage of painted paw and or hoof prints on a flattened piece of bark would suffice. Maybe with "Thanks, Terrence, for all your care and devotion - we love you" written underneath - kisses optional.
RICKY:
Written in English?
TERRENCE:
It doesn't have to be. Ricky... I mean the effort would be appreciated--
RICKY:
Terrence, you've got to stop this. You can't expect the baboons to buy you gifts or the flamingos to make thank you cards with or without sentimental messages. These creatures have no concept of gratitude.
TERRENCE:
You're telling me - I pulled an alpaca from the marshland the other day and how do you think it repaid that kindness, hmm?
RICKY:
I don't know.
TERRENCE:
It spat in my face, Ricky. Right in the bloody face.
RICKY:
Terrence-
TERRENCE:
Some of it went in my mouth - I can still taste the bile.
RICKY:
They can't help it, Terrence - it's instinct.
TERRENCE:
It's sheer bloody ignorance is what it is, Ricky. They know what they're doing, don't make excuses for them.
RICKY:
Alright, look... they made me promise not to tell you but... some of the animals have got together to organise a surprise leaving party.
TERRENCE:
A leaving party? For me? Really?
RICKY:
No! Of course they haven't! They are wild animals! They don't have surprise parties; they don't have any kind of parties--
TERRENCE:
Just 'because we're not invited doesn't mean they're not happening.
RICKY:
Terrence, get a grip! You have to understand that these animals just don't feel the same way about us as we do for them.
TERRENCE:
You're right, you're right. I just get confused sometimes, Ricky. I'm sorry.
RICKY:
It's not your fault, Terrence. You spend long enough out in this wilderness it's bound to get to you sooner or later.
TERRENCE:
I just have to keep reminding myself that wild animals don't understand or appreciate human emotions.
RICKY:
There you go (Beat) All except for the meerkats obviously.
TERRENCE:
The meerkats?
RICKY:
I'm talking about raw lust, Terrence. You've seen the way they look at me. You know.
END
, good stuff.