Hi guys have been stalking the site for a while now, thought it was about time I posted, so here it is, my failed entry High Spy.
I would really appreciate any feedback, ta.
INT. DEVLIN SECURITY CONTROL ROOM - DAY
The 'Workstation', a desk with monitors on it and two chairs, is in the front right hand corner of the stage, the monitors face away from the audience.
On the left, towards the rear of the stage there is a 'Lounge area' with a small table and four chairs spaced around it.
GRAHAM TRUMP, 32, thin and neat as a Bento Box is sat hunched over his keyboard at the Workstation in a crisp grey shirt. He suddenly sits upright.
GRAHAM
Here's another one, that's six this week....disgusting.
Graham holds a pencil up and peers at the end, he waves the pencil over a bin and then picks up a pen and writes something in a small notepad.
OLIVER LAMBERT-HOWARTH, 26, unshaven and untucked with a crumpled grey shirt is sat with his feet up reading the FT in the lounge area. TERRY MINCE, 20 and a bit of a lump in his downturned blue boiler suit, stands fiddling with something on the wall.
OLIVER
I'm not sure which I find more disturbing, the fact that you actively look for pubic hairs, or that you document all your findings.
(beat)
I'm surprised you don't sellotape them into a little scrapbook.
GRAHAM
You don't become Health and Safety Officer of the year by ignoring the details.
OLIVER
(sarcastic)
Your mother must be so proud
Graham ignores him and goes back to looking at his keyboard. Terry ambles over to Graham, his hands thrust down the front of his down-turned boiler suit.
TERRY
It's like a treasure hunt innit.
GRAHAM
I would hardly call your germ infested deposits treasure.
TERRY
Oi! How do you know those pubes are mine?
GRAHAM
Does anyone else here feel the need to constantly cradle their genitals?
Terry frowns and removes his hands flicking his fingers in the air.
OLIVER
I think it's a comfort thing.
Terry nods.
GRAHAM
(exasperated)
He's not a child, why doesn't he just suck his thumb then.
TERRY
Coz I know where my hands have been.
Terry and Oliver laugh. Graham gets up gingerly holding his pencil. Terry sits in the lounge area.
GRAHAM
I need to sterilize this. Oliver can you take over, there's some post here to open too.
Graham leaves the stage. Oliver reluctantly gets up and goes to the Workstation.
TERRY
Great birthday this is stuck here with that moody git.
OLIVER
Any day stuck here with him is awful.
(beat)
You out tonight then?
TERRY
Na..staying in, Shelly's making my favourite.
OLIVER
What are you having?
TERRY
KFC bargin bucket.
HELENA FIGGINS, 37, attractive and smartly dressed enters the room. Oliver picks up a pile of letters and starts to open them. Terry is vigorously picking his nose. Helena approaches him.
HELENA
Terry, busy I see. If only you put as much energy into your work.
(beat)
How are you getting on with your list?
TERRY
(weary)
Can't fix the entrance camera or intercom coz I need some parts...er.. done the ticket machine and the camera on platform three.
HELENA
What was the problem in the end?
TERRY
Crap.
HELENA
Excuse me?
TERRY
Crap, it was crap.
HELENA
Those are good quality cameras, very expensive.
TERRY
No, it was crap. There was dog crap on the camera.
HELENA
Who on earth would put dog....poo on the camera?
Terry shrugs.
OLIVER
How did you know it was dog's anyway, the smell?
TERRY
Na, there was half a bonio in it.
(beat)
There was more in a bag underneath.
HELENA
A bag of it. What did you do with that?
OLIVER
He's keeping it for his roses.
TERRY
Naa, it's sorted, I got rid.
HELENA
Not in our bins I hope, they won't empty them.
Terry doesn't elaborate. Graham comes back into the room and puts his pencil back on the desk. As he puts it down Oliver is startled by the letter he's just opened which is full of white powder.
OLIVER
Wooorgh....what the....
Everyone turns to Oliver, the powder has spilt over his shirt and trousers, he stands up.
OLIVER (CONT'D)
(confused)
This was full of powder.
GRAHAM
(shouts)
Stay back everyone...Oliver stay very still.
OLIVER
What?.....why?
Oliver drops the letter on the desk, the others look confused. Graham moves back towards Helena.
HELENA
What's going on?
GRAHAM
(to Helena)
Stay back, this could be serious.
Graham backs in front of Helena shielding her from whatever Oliver has opened. Helena pushes him away.
HELENA
What on earth are you doing?
GRAHAM
It could be dangerous. I've seen a video about this at one of my Health and Safety seminars.
OLIVER
(shouts, not moving)
About what?
Terry stands up.
TERRY
Is it a bomb?
OLIVER
(panicked)
A bomb?
HELENA
Just stay calm Oliver. I'm sure it's not a bomb.
(beat)
Is it Graham?
GRAHAM
No I don't think it's a bomb. It's a chemical attack.
Oliver is not calmed.
OLIVER
Chemical attack!
HELENA
That's crazy.
(beat)
What do we do?
TERRY
Peg it.
Terry goes to run out but Graham grabs his arm. Graham is struggling to remember.
GRAHAM
No..no, we should say here..but I can't remember exactly...something about the doors staying shut. We could be contaminated too.
OLIVER
Contaminated?
(pause)
What do you mean too?
HELENA
What did it say in the video?
Oliver cuts a pathetic figure standing as if he's soaking wet.
OLIVER
What do I do, it's all over me?
GRAHAM
If it's on you, you should strip.
OLIVER
What?
GRAHAM
(remembering)
If the chemical spills onto clothing it should be removed immediately.
OLIVER
I'm not....stripping.
TERRY
You're covered in it.
HELENA
Oliver, it could be dangerous.
Oliver is unsure but then decides to strip, quickly.
GRAHAM
Take it all off and throw it in a pile.
Oliver strips down to his socks and underpants, an embarrassingly threadbare pair of yellow briefs. He stands there awkwardly.
TERRY
(laughs)
Nice keks, you on the pull?
OLIVER
This is not funny, it's all over my hand too....it's stinging.
Oliver starts to jump about on the spot waving his arm.
HELENA
Oh my god.
TERRY
It's acid or somefink, it's gonna eat his whole arm off.
OLIVER
(cries out in terror)
Arghhhhh...help.
GRAHAM
Oliver...Oliver, try to remain calm, is there any blistering on the skin?
Oliver is almost too scared to look. He is hyper ventilating.
OLIVER
Er...mmm....no...not sure...no... no blisters.
HELENA
Is it red, irritated?
TERRY
Any smoke?
OLIVER
(weak)
No...nothing like that.
HELENA
(quietly to Terry and Graham)
It's probably psychosomatic.
TERRY
Eh?
HELENA
The trauma has fooled his brain into thinking he's in pain.
OLIVER
(shouts)
What are you all whispering about?
HELENA
(loud)
Oliver, focus on your hand. Is there actually any pain?
OLIVER
(still breathing heavily)
Not sure....
(pause)
...no no pain.
TERRY
(groans)
Wot a spud.
They all relax slightly.
HELENA
Okay, what else did it say on the video?
GRAHAM
Erm....I'm not sure. I er dropped my pen.
OLIVER
What's that got to do with anything?
GRAHAM
I had to go and wash it, so I missed the end.
(beat)
The floor was filthy.
Oliver throws his arms up in despair.
OLIVER
Health and Safety Officer of the year everyone.
HELENA
I think we should call the police.
GRAHAM
Yes, as the health and safety officer I'm classing this as a code red.
TERRY
Wayyyy up the Arsenal.
OLIVER
What's a code red?
GRAHAM
It means we need to call for expert assistance.
HELENA
(sharp)
Great, thanks for that.
Helena takes her mobile out and moves over to the corner away from Graham who is frustrated.
GRAHAM
Tell them there is one definite contamination.
Helena waves at him to be quiet.
OLIVER
Stop saying 'contamination'.
TERRY
Don't worry mate we'll bell the filth, they'll sort you out.
(loud whisper)
Unless it's too late.
GRAHAM
How are you feeling Oliver?
OLIVER
How am I feeling? How do you think I'm bloody feeling? I'm cold, stood here in my pants with strange chemicals spilt all over me.
(beat)
And I need a wee.
TERRY
Just go mate, no point causing yourself more pain.
GRAHAM
(to Terry)
My bag's under that desk.
(to Oliver)
Hold on Oliver...hold on.
Helena finishes her call and comes over.
TERRY
They on their way?
OLIVER
What's happening?
HELENA
Well, they said the contaminated person needs to remain calm and still...
Oliver reacts.
HELENA (CONT'D)
..The doors where the spill occurred should be kept shut, to retain a vacuum. And they have another incident in Wembley so they're contacting an army unit who also deals with these things.
TERRY
So we're stuck in here?
GRAHAM
Just like I said.
HELENA
Yes Graham..they also said for us to keep as far away from the contaminated person as possible.
TERRY
Won't be hard with them pants, shocking.
(beat)
He looks like something out of Bulgarian Baywatch.
HELENA
I was thinking more a very cheap action man figure.
OLIVER
Highly amusing, I'm glad you can laugh at my misfortune. But if it is a poisonous chemical then you lot are stuck here too.
(beat)
So who's laughing now, ha ha ha.
They all consider the implications of this for a few moments.
GRAHAM
(to Helena)
What's their ETA?
HELENA
They said it will be minimum three hours.
Terry and Oliver react.
TERRY
Three hours..
OLIVER
Where are they coming from Afghanistan?
HELENA
They said there is nothing we can do so we may as well just relax and wait.
OLIVER
(grumbles)
Relax...yeah great, pass the Sudoku.
Oliver stands awkwardly; he folds his arms in a huff. Terry slumps down in a chair. Helena and Graham follow suit. There is silence for a few seconds.
TERRY
I spy with my little eye something beginning with.....P.
(pause)
OLIVER
(not amused)
That better not be Powder.
(beat)
Or Pants.
Terry pulls a face.
TERRY
Mood.
LIGHTS DOWN.
LIGHTS UP:
INT. DEVLIN SECURITY CONTROL ROOM - TWO HOURS LATER
The three are still sat slumped in the lounge area. Oliver is hunched in a chair by the desk. Terry is making tap dripping noises with his mouth. Oliver stirs.
OLIVER
Terry can you give it a rest please?
Terry stops dripping and changes to another annoying sound made with air in his cheek. Helena sits up.
HELENA
Terry please.
Terry continues.
HELENA
(explodes)
Shut up..shut up....shut.....upppppppp
Terry stops surprised. Helena has to breathe deeply to regain composure.
TERRY
Alright no need for...
Terry stops mid sentence as Helena glares at him.
GRAHAM
This is all very natural behaviour given the stressful situation. My advice would be...
Graham stops as he realises Helena is glaring at him now.
HELENA
(holds up finger)
Zip.
OLIVER
(emotional)
Dunno why you lot are stressed, I'm the one who's naked...covered in God knows what....and I must've breathed it in. I'm the victim here.....
(pause)
There's so much more I've still to do.
TERRY
Tell me about it, I got a KFC waiting.
OLIVER
(bitter)
I meant in my life, what have I achieved of note in my pathetic sad life.
TERRY
Dunno..that's a hard one.
They all drift into their own worlds as a cloud of introspection descends.
OLIVER
I should have been running my dad's company by now or at least be a middle manager.....Have my own office....chairing meetings.....huge salary...... driving a sporty company car.
GRAHAM
I haven't spoken to my mother in four months.
TERRY
I should be having my barbecue beans now.
HELENA
I'm pretty sure Brian's cheating on me.
Oliver sneezes and snaps them all out of it.
HELENA
I can't believe this is happening.
GRAHAM
One in three marriages ends in divorce these days, seventy three percent caused by infidelity.
HELENA
I mean, I can't believe this is happening.
OLIVER
Why would someone want to poison us?
HELENA
Maybe it's linked to the camera.
GRAHAM
What camera?
TERRY
Someone put dog cr/
HELENA
(interrupts at/)
Mess..someone put dog mess on the platform three camera.
GRAHAM
Why would someone do that?
OLIVER
(snaps)
We don't know do we, why would someone send us poisonous chemicals?
TERRY
Maybe it was a warning...from some nutter.
OLIVER
A stalker?
Graham and Terry look at Helena.
HELENA
Why are you looking at me? Women can be stalkers too.
Terry indicates Oliver and Graham.
TERRY
Yeah but no one is gonna to stalk these two.
OLIVER
I could have a stalker..
(pause)
That girl the other month..she rang me twice after we finished.
TERRY
Yeah, but she dumped you.
(beat)
And she only wanted her bra back.
Everyone jumps as a distant banging starts..seven hard bangs.
HELENA
Is that the front door?
TERRY
It's the Stalker.
GRAHAM
No it's the army.
There are seven more bangs.
OLIVER
The army wouldn't knock like that would they?
HELENA
They're probably not used to knocking.
(beat)
Check on the camera.
TERRY
Can't it's still bust.
GRAHAM
They sounded desperate to get in.
TERRY
Did you give that bird her bra back?
OLIVER
What? Yes I sent it to her.
GRAHAM
Did you wash it?
There are more bangs. Everyone except Oliver is on their feet.
HELENA
Everyone stop. It's not a girl wanting her bra back. It must be the army.
OLIVER
Go and open the door then.
There are more bangs. Terry seeks comfort from his testicles.
HELENA
Okay....what if it's not?
TERRY
Olly should go.
OLIVER
Why should I go?
TERRY
You're the contaminated one and if he's a sex fiend or something you're all ready for him.
GRAHAM
Statistically people like this only have one victim.
OLIVER
Thanks a lot, I'll just sacrifice myself then shall I?
TERRY
Good lad.
GRAHAM
Very brave.
HELENA
It will go in your appraisal.
OLIVER
Great, you can read it at my funeral.
There are more bangs. Oliver jumps. Everyone is nervous.
HELENA
I feel a bit sick.
Terry removes his hands from the front of his boiler suit.
TERRY
Here, hold my hand.
Helena looks at it.
TERRY
Sorry.
Terry blows on his hand and offers it again.
HELENA
I'm fine....thanks.
OLIVER
Wait....if I move camera eight I might be able to see the front door.
Oliver fiddles with the camera controls. The others try to see from where they are.
HELENA
Well, who is it?
TERRY
Is it the stalker, is he armed?
GRAHAM
Don't forget to write in the action book that you moved the camera position.
Graham makes a note in his little pad.
OLIVER
Hang on I'm zooming.
(beat)
Got it....it's not the army, there's just one man.
(beat)
He's carrying a bag.
(beat)
He banging again.
There are more bangs, the others jump, Oliver sits back from the screen. Panic is beginning to set in.
TERRY
It is the stalker.
HELENA
Oh my god...who is it?
OLIVER
I can only see his back.
GRAHAM
What's his body language saying?
OLIVER
What do you think?....It's saying let me in this bloody door.
TERRY
Is he big?
OLIVER
He's pretty big.
TERRY
The filth are on the way though too aren't they.
HELENA
It's only been a couple of hours, they said they would arrive with the army as they're pretty busy.
OLIVER
Busy..surely a quadruple murder trumps most other things?
GRAHAM
Only five percent of murders are committed by strangers.
OLIVER
Someone knows him.
(beat)
So who's got an enemy?
TERRY
With a dog.
HELENA
Well I don't have any.
GRAHAM
Nor me, I don't know many people round here.
TERRY
You've lived here your whole life haven't you?
GRAHAM
Yes.
OLIVER
I've had arguments, but nothing too serious.
HELENA
Terry?
TERRY
Naa, can't be me. I'm too loveable.
There are more bangs.
GRAHAM
He's certainly persistent.
OLIVER
Stalkers generally are.
TERRY
Yeah it's his job isn't it.
HELENA
Still no idea who it is?
Oliver looks closely at the camera again.
OLIVER
Hold on he's turning round.
(beat)
I see him..it's..
Oliver looks puzzled. The others are tense.
HELENA
Who is it?
OLIVER
I recognise him but can't place him.
GRAHAM
What does he look like?
OLIVER
Quite old, white beard.
TERRY
Captain Birdseye.
OLIVER
Mad staring eyes.
TERRY
It's Matthew Kelly.
OLIVER
He looks angry, he keeps waving his bag around.
(pause)
Hold on. It's him from behind the car park.
Oliver turns round to the others.
OLIVER (CONT'D)
Remember..the guy who complained when Terry was painting the fence, complete psycho, huge big hands.
Terry is looking a bit shifty.
HELENA
Mr Merinavitch, I remember, he was scary.
(beat)
Why on earth is he banging our door down?
GRAHAM
And waving a bag around.
Oliver and Helena make the connection.
HELENA
Terry, that bag of dog's mess, where did you put it?
OLIVER
You didn't?
TERRY
Moany old git, didn't think he'd see me.
OLIVER
Wait..he's leaving.
GRAHAM
But why would he send harmful chemicals?
Helena moves over towards Oliver.
HELENA
I can't take this anymore my nerves are shredded.
GRAHAM (CONT'D)
Stay back, you don't know it's safe.
Helena does slow down and moves carefully. The others watch her.
HELENA
I need to do something, I can't just sit here whilst my staff are terrorised. The letter itself is a clue.
(to Oliver)
Have you touched it?
OLIVER
No I haven't touched it. I'm terrified of it. That's the reason I'm stood here in my pants freezing to death.
GRAHAM
We should watch him for hyperthermia.
(to Helena)
Check the nipples, have they shrunk and stiffened?
Helena goes to look. Oliver covers each one with a finger.
OLIVER
Can we not discuss my nipples please?
(beat)
They always go like this in the cold.
He has a quick peek at them.
HELENA
He's fine.
She turns her attention back to the letter.
HELENA (CONT'D)
Maybe it's addressed to someone.
Helena reaches out slowly to the envelope.
GRAHAM
(worried)
Don't touch it.
TERRY
(to Graham)
Leave her..I'm starving over here.
HELENA
It's a standard white envelope, quite bulky.
Graham moves closer, nervous for Helena's safety.
GRAHAM
Be Careful.
Oliver is nervous. Terry sits down in the lounge area.
HELENA
Pass me that pencil.
She points at the pencil on the desk.
GRAHAM
I just cleaned that...
Helena looks at Graham.
GRAHAM (CONT'D)
..it's a new one...but you can use it.
HELENA
(sarcastic)
Thank you.
Helena and Oliver are like surgeons, nipples forgotten. Oliver passes the pencil.
OLIVER
Pencil.
HELENA
Ruler.
She points at a ruler on the desk, then looks at Graham.
GRAHAM
That's not mine.
Oliver passes the ruler to Helena.
OLIVER
Ruler.
Helena holds one in each hand and composes herself. She reaches out with the pencil toward the letter.
More bangs on the door make everyone jump.
HELENA
Oh my god...I thought he'd gone.
OLIVER
Nope, he's pretty keen to get in and see Terry.
TERRY
(concerned)
Whatever...stupid old man, he don't scare me.
OLIVER
Shall we go and let him in then?
TERRY
No...can't can we, we're in a vacuum.
HELENA
Let's concentrate on this first.
They all look back at the envelope.
HELENA (CONT'D)
Okay I'm going to flip it over.
GRAHAM
Slowly, there may be a secondary device.
HELENA
Slowly.... Oliver you read who it's addressed to.
Helena flips the letter over and moves back, Oliver peers at it.
OLIVER
It's addressed to us.
TERRY
It'd be funny if it was for next door.
HELENA
Go on.
OLIVER
Odd.
GRAHAM
Is the postcode correct.
(beat)
Correct postcode is very important.
OLIVER
Yes, postcode is correct.
(pause)
Childish handwriting but...
TERRY
(laughs)
Maybe it is that bird who dumped you.
HELENA
Who is it addressed to?
OLIVER
It's weird, it's Big Bum Kettle Drum?
Terry sits up.
GRAHAM
What does that mean?
HELENA
That's really strange.
OLIVER
Is it a code or something?
TERRY
It's what my aunty Pat calls me.
Everyone turns to look at Terry.
OLIVER
Excuse me?
TERRY
My aunty Pat. She used to,..well she still does when she sends somefing.., call me Big Bum Kettle Drum.
GRAHAM
When she sends you something?
TERRY
Yeah.
OLIVER
Like a letter?
TERRY
Yeah.
HELENA
Maybe on your birthday?
TERRY
Yeah, every birthday but I got nothing this morning.
HELENA
Does she know where you work?
Oliver reaches over and picks up the envelope and looks inside.
TERRY (CONT'D)
yeah...she usually sends me some of my fave sweets.
Oliver reaches into the envelope.
HELENA
Which are?
TERRY
Dib Dabs or Sherbert Fountains.
Oliver pulls out a crumpled leaking Sherbert Fountain tube.
Everyone looks at Terry, stunned. He looks away guiltily.
There are bangs from the front door again
OLIVER
(to Graham)
Terry has a visitor Graham, could you go and let him up please?
Graham moves off stage.
LIGHTS DOWN:
THE END