One of my final week submissions.
Dan
===============
UNLEASH HELL
===============
MILES:
Chris Patten this week threatened that 'all Hell would be let loose' if he becomes chairman of the BBC Trust. He may have a point; he did leave Hong Kong a complete state.
SATAN:
(EXTREMELY SCARY, EVIL VOICE) And on my command, minions... UNLEASH HELL!
F/X: ALL MINIONS CHEER. SOMEONE COUGHS
DEMON:
Erm. Excuse me, boss. Excellent delivery, oh horrendous one, extremely charismatic'n'all, but as a command... it's a tad vague.
SATAN:
It is?
F/X:MUMBLES OF SUBDUED AGREEMENT
DEMON:
I mean: what *specifically* did you mean by that command?
SATAN:
Well, erm... well, you know... like...
DEMON:
I have an inkling, oh evil one. If I could just clarify? More for the benefit of the others in the crowd than myself.
SATAN:
Of course.
DEMON:
By 'unleash hell!' I took you to mean: 'broadcast informative news all day on our secondary channel instead of ridiculous who-knows-why-they-got-commissioned programmes about auctions'?
SATAN:
Well, yes. *Obviously*.
DEMON:
And, 'cut broadcast hours to when people are actually watching and don't bother providing 24-7 programming for the three insomniacs who don't necessarily want to study Portuguese'?
SATAN:
Were none of these specifics intrinsic in my command?
F/X:GENERAL APPREHENSIVE 'NO'-ING
DEMON:
Not really, sir. In the old days it was all well and good, but these days, if it's not 100% clear, you're leaving yourself wide open to 'no-win, no-fee'.
SATAN:
Hmm, I see. Cerberus? Book me on that management ambiguity day out, will you?
F/X:CERBERUS BARKS CONSENT
SATAN (CONT'D):
Just for clarification, I also meant replace the majority of Dante's circles' local broadcasting with the continuous, unending stream of Five Live?
DEMON:
I think we all understood that to be the very definition of 'unleash hell', sir...
END