Sitcomission - Laze (Beginning)

I know it would be asking a lot of people to read my entire sitcom mission script, but here's the start. I wasn't really happy with it to be honest. Let me know what you think.

ACT I

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY

FINN, a 19 year old boy enters. He is wearing slippers and a dressing gown. He sits down in a chair and switches on the TV.

His Dad ARTHUR enters. FINN'S eyes remain fixed on the TV.

ARTHUR
Relaxing for a change this weekend, son?

FINN
Is it the weekend? Could have sworn it was a Tuesday.

ARTHUR
Definitely Saturday.

FINN
You sure? You know you'll look pretty stupid missing a day of work cos you thought it was the weekend.

ARTHUR
Listen, its Saturday!

FINN looks doubtfully. He then reverts his attention back to the TV and flicks the channel.

FINN
Actually you're right, 'You've Been Framed' is only on at the weekend.

ARTHUR
Planning to get dressed at any stage today?

FINN
Well, as you say its the weekend, might as well take it easy.

FINN'S Mother MAUREEN walks in.

MAUREEN
Oh Finn, are you up?

FINN
Course, its 2 in the afternoon. I've been up almost an hour.

MAUREEN
Good morning, son.

MAUREEN goes over and kisses FINN. FINN childishly recoils and rubs his face where she kissed him.

FINN
(childishly)
Ugh, get away.

ARTHUR
Did you hand in those CVs?

FINN
(hesitantly)
Yep.

ARTHUR
Where did you hand them in?

FINN
Oh all over the place. You know, all the shops, places of business, you know.

ARTHUR
Anywhere in particular?

FINN
Too many. No point in trying to name them all, I'd only leave some out. That wouldn't be fair.

ARTHUR
Right... Well, why don't I grab a cup of tea and when I come back we can do a practice interview so you're ready when one of these 'places of business' calls.

FINN tuts. ARTHUR leaves.

FINN
(voice lowered slightly)
Did you hand in those CVs for me?

MAUREEN
Yes, I handed them in. I gave one into Derek Malton's garage.

FINN
Nah, not really into manual labour.

MAUREEN
I handed one into that coffee place.

FINN
I'm really more of a tea man.

MAUREEN
I handed one into McDonald's

FINN
What!?

MAUREEN
You said you wouldn't mind working in McDonald's.

FINN
Yeah, but did you not pick me up anything?

MAUREEN
Well..no.

FINN
Some people only think of themselves.

MAUREEN
(sincerely)
Oh, would you like me to go out and get you something now, you poor thing.

FINN
Nah, its fine. Just next time think of someone else for once.

ARTHUR
(shouting from kitchen)
What did you do with the sugar?

MAUREEN
(voice slightly raised)
It should be in the press, dear.

ARTHUR
(shouting)
Well its not. What the hell did you do with it?

MAUREEN
(to FINN)
Did you have the sugar?

ARTHUR storms in.

ARTHUR
(voice raised to FINN)
What did you do with the sugar?

FINN
Nothing.

ARTHUR
You must have.

FINN
Why must've it been me!?

ARTHUR
You're the one that always moves things.

FINN
Yeah I take a sick pleasure in hiding things around the house and watching you look for them.

MAUREEN
Arthur can't you have tea without sugar?

ARTHUR
No. And I'm after making it now. Waste of a good cup of tea.

FINN
Well, if you don't want it I could have it.

ARTHUR
Its in the kitchen. Don't think I'm fetching it for you.

FINN
Of course, I wouldn't dream of asking... Mam, grab that tea for me would you.

MAUREEN
Of course.

MAUREEN leaves.

ARTHUR
Right, time for the interview.

ARTHUR takes the remote and turns off the TV and positions his chair across from FINN and sits down. MAUREEN comes in and hands the tea to FINN.

FINN
Dash of milk would be lovely.

FINN hands the tea back to MAUREEN without looking at her. She takes it back.

MAUREEN
Sorry son.

MAUREEN goes out with the tea.

ARTHUR
Right, here we go.

FINN
Do we have to do this?

ARTHUR
Yes. Its the only way you'll be ready when a real interview comes along. Now, what is your work exp--

MAUREEN comes in and hands FINN the tea.

FINN
Now that's too much milk.

FINN hands back the tea and MAUREEN takes it.

MAUREEN
Oh I'm sorry. I'll make a fresh cup.

MAUREEN goes to leave.

ARTHUR
The tea is fine. Just drink it.

MAUREEN stands still holding the tea.

ARTHUR
Give him the tea.

MAUREEN goes to give FINN the tea. FINN doesn't take it.

FINN
I don't want it.

MAUREEN
He doesn't want it.

ARTHUR
He does. Give it to him.

MAUREEN goes to hand FINN the tea. FINN doesn't take it.

ARTHUR
Drink it.

FINN
I'm not gonna drink it.

MAUREEN
He's not gonna drink it.

ARTHUR
He will.

FINN
I won't.

MAUREEN
He won't.

ARTHUR
Tell him if he's so particular about his tea he can make it himself.

MAUREEN
If you're going to be--

FINN
I heard him.

MAUREEN
He heard you.

ARTHUR
I heard him.

MAUREEN
He heard him. Wait, he heard...me?

ARTHUR
Just take the tea out of here and we can get on with this.

MAUREEN
Who heard who?

ARTHUR
Just go.

MAUREEN
Alrightey. Good luck with the interview, son. I just know you'll get it.

Good dialogue and very readable - just not particularly funny. Liked the door-mat mum. Sadly, very believable!

It reminds me a bit of marigold [I think that's what it's called]
I should think this is funny acted out, but it does prove difficult with all scripts, I should think, to visualise them off the page

I flew through it as it was very well written and a real easy read, but as Shirl said - not very many funnies in it.

To me it felt like the opener to a comedy drama in the way it established your characters and it made me smile rather than laugh.

I would like to see more of it to see how things might develop as I like this longer form of comedy rather than just the relentless crash bang wallop. Though I do like quick-fire material too.

There is room for both I think and we could do with a decent comedy drama on the telly as lately all one hour / ninety minute dramas seem to be psychological thrillers or medical things.

this was nice. reminds me of the sort of thing youd see on bbc1 primetime family programming type thing, 2.4 children or whatever the modern equivalent is. which maybe would work against it, dunno

I really liked the way the dialogue flowed too. It would be very watchable if as Blenks says it had a few more jokes.

Also, it seems to fall into the trap of people sitting around chatting for long periods.

Cheers for reading. I'm gonna try to read other people's entries and give some feedback when I get the chance.

The whole thing is just people sitting around chatting, which I know probably isn't a good idea but its just the way I decided to go, basically because the premise is just a lazy kid so I decided to write a script where he just sits in the one spot the entire time.

Other traps I fell into were making it recession based (only partially, it deals with the dad trying to get the kid motivated to get a job) and it being a bit like an elongated sketch (kinda).

I'll post the next part tomorrow, hopefully its funnier than the beginning (but I doubt it).