Here's one of my Newsjack sketch rejects from last week. I think maybe the opening line and the ending could have a little more punch, but I was generally happy with it. Any comments and criticisms will be gratefully received, thanks!
NEWSJACK: OLYMPIC CUTS
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MILES:
Hosting the Olympic Games is a lot like having a full subscription to all the Sky TV channels - you're sure it'll be a great thing to have, but once you've got it you find it's prohibitively expensive and you don't really care about it any more. The British Olympic Association this week declared that they're facing a funding crisis which could jeopardise the service they provide to athletes ahead of next year's Olympic Games. Let's hear what happened at their team meeting.
[FX: MEETING ROOM ATMOS]
TEAM MANAGER:
Olympians, thanks for coming today. I'll be honest, it's not good news. We're in the hole to the tune of £4 million, so we can't give you all the support you need at the games next year. We've got to make some sacrifices, I'm afraid, and start tightening our belts - no, not you, weightlifters, you're already doing a great job there. Now, does anyone have any questions? OK, yes, you, captain of the shooting team.
SHOOTING CAPT:
I think we all want to know what effect it will have on our own sporting disciplines. Will the shooting events be affected?
TEAM MANAGER:
No, I don't think so. The Olympic Games will be held in East London, so if anything, there'll be even more shooting than we planned. We're also considering a radical plan to merge the shooting team and the football team. We've got quite a big name on board for that one, already.
SHOOTING CAPT:
Will any of the other events be merged?
TEAM MANAGER:
Unfortunately, yes. The Javelin will merge with Archery, the Discus and Clay Pigeon Shooting seems like a good combination, and the Pole Vault and the High Jump will now become the Really High Jump - with Poles.
CYCLIST:
What about the Cycling? I've just bought a new bike, with 3 gears and everything, it'd be a shame if I didn't get to use it.
TEAM MANAGER:
No need to worry, cyclists, we have some ideas how you can generate cash for us. We're going to hook up your bikes to special treadmills before the start of a race, and have you pedal like Billy-O! Then we can sell the electricity you generate to the national grid. And, we'll earn nectar points. If you have any energy left, a local cycle courier firm has agreed to let you deliver packages to Canary Wharf, as long as you're far enough ahead in the race, of course. OK, final question, please.
ATHLETE:
It's the big question. Will there be enough funds available to pay for the gold medals that we'll win?
TEAM MANAGER:
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, I'd be quite certain that will never be a problem. Having said that, we do have a few old Jim'll Fix It badges laying around that we can spruce up, just in case.