NJ: Nick Clegg - choose your own adventure

Nick Clegg

Choose your own adventure

Page 1: You are Nick, a social anthropology student and sometime MP from Buckinghamshire. You have embarked upon a quest to become Prime Minister of the British Colonies or at least be seen to ask some funny questions on BBC parliament. You have reached a major political juncture and have decided to run for Lib Dem party leader. Only Chris Huhne stands in your way.

Roll a six or higher to defeat Chris Huhne in the 2007 party leadership elections

You have defeated Chris Huhne and are now the Lib Dem party leader. Do not get too excited

It is 2010. The general election is looming and you are taking part in the first televised debates.

To promise no increase in VAT turn to page 27

To promise no change to tuition fees turn to page 54

Roll a six or higher to keep a straight face through your despicable lies

The voting has finished resulting in a hung parliament. Despite having less seats than the last election everyone now wants to be your best mate.

To form a coalition with the Conservatives turn to page 17

To make a technicolour dream coalition with Labour and everybody else that ran for government turn to page 21

Page 17. You have formed a coalition governemnt with the Conservative party and have been made Deputy Prime Minister, Ta very much. You must now do some furious backpedalling on your pre-election promises. Turn to page 48

Page 48. You are sat on the front bench in the house of commons, yay! George Osbourne is busy pissing on the bonfires of millions of voters.

Roll a six or higher to maintain a look of solemn determination while the job centre plus wesbsite implodes.

Page 101. You have been Deputy Prime Minister for 10 months. Your parties reputation is in ruins and the public despises you. The most you have achieved in your time in government is to help David Cameron assemble a swinging crib from Mothercare.

The End

Lovely idea but you'd need to change it into a sketch, perhaps with Miles playing the "writer" in order to make it usable on Newsjack.

Yep - nice idea, but it's not really Newsjack in that form...

Thanks guys, think maybe I'm missing the tone for the show or am just a bit stuck in my own bubble

Cest la vie and all that

IMHO it could easily be edited into a Newsjack style sketch, just have Miles introducing the author of a new book about Nick Clegg, then have the author (briefly) explain the concept and then finally have them play a few "rounds" of it.

The important thing though would be to keep it succinct, you need to edit it very tightly i.e. drop most of the page options and keep it to 4 or 5 of the funniest ones.

Gotcha, it's time for me to go and get an exhaust for my car, plus enter the competition that Christopher biggins is rattling about on the telly.

Thanks, I'll give that a go and pop it back up.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ March 11 2011, 10:55 AM GMT

IMHO it could easily be edited into a Newsjack style sketch, just have Miles introducing the author of a new book about Nick Clegg, then have the author (briefly) explain the concept and then finally have them play a few "rounds" of it.

The important thing though would be to keep it succinct, you need to edit it very tightly i.e. drop most of the page options and keep it to 4 or 5 of the funniest ones.

View original

This.

Edited

Nick Clegg - Choose your own adventure

MILES
I'm speaking with Stephen Goodsbody, authour of a new range of books designed to educate children about politics. Stephen, tell us about the books.

STEPHEN
Thanks Miles. These are basically choose your own adventure style books which helps to make the experience more appealing to the children and it also shows some of the choices senior politicians have to take in their career. This one here is written for Nick Clegg. I'll just read the first page and then perhaps you'd like to read the odd page so your listeners get the general idea.
MILES
Okay
STEPHEN
Page 1: You are Nick, a social anthropology student and sometime MP from Buckinghamshire. You have embarked upon a quest to become Prime Minister of the British Colonies or at least be seen to ask some funny questions on BBC parliament. You have reached a major political juncture and have decided to run for Lib Dem party leader. Only Chris Huhne stands in your way. Roll a six or higher to defeat Chris Huhne in the 2007 party leadership elections. Imagine that we've rolled a six. You have defeated Chris Huhne and are now the Lib Dem party leader. Do not get too excited. Turn to page 54.
MILES
I see how it works so if I were to pick a random page .
STEPHEN
Please do
MILES
The polls have now closed at the 2010 general election. It is a hung parliament. Despite having won less seats than last election everyone now wants to be your best mate. To form a coalition with the Conservatives turn to page 17. To make a technicolour dream coalition with Labour and everybody else that ran for government turn to page 21. What happens if I choose the non-historic choice?
STEPHEN
Page 21. You are sat on the front bench of the house of commons, yay! Despite your attempts at removing him from power Gordon Brown is delivering a speech to the house. Debates now rage for weeks at a time as to the validity of the government. Amidst the confusion Chinese intelligence services launch a devestating cyber attack on the UK data infrastructure reverting the country back to the middle ages. The End.
MILES
Rather bleak then, what about the historic choice?
STEPHEN
Page 17. You have formed a coalition governemnt with the Conservative party and have been made Deputy Prime Minister. Yay! You must sit on the front bench during the budget announcement. George Osbourne is merrily pissing on the bonfires of millions of voters. Roll a six or higher to maintain a look of solemn determination while the job centre plus wesbsite implodes.
MILES
So is there an ending for the historically accurate path?
STEPHEN
Yes, page 101 I believe.
MILES
Page 101. You have been Deputy Prime Minister for 10 months. Your parties reputation is in ruins and the public despises you. The most you have achieved in your time in government is to help David Cameron assemble a swinging crib from Mothercare. The End. Thank you very much for coming on the show, Stephen.
STEPHEN
Thank you

Much, much better (and much more "Newsjack" in style).

To be slightly negative it's probably still a bit wordy and, perhaps, not quite punchy enough but definitely worth emailing in this week.

Listen to Clegg's speech in Sheffield today for some updates and give it another go. It's worth revising.

This is a great idea! Lots of ways to go, I thought. For something that was obviously never going to happen (coalition with Labour) you should send them to 'Appendix F' or something.

Or Miles could have said he'd read the book numerous times and whatever he did it ended in disaster for Nick Clegg.

Though I always thought Nick Clegg was MP in Sheffield...

Dan

For what it's worth, I liked the first version better - particularly if read in a monotone posh lady voice that NJ does so well.