Innappropriate gift sketch

INT. SMALL DIY SHOP – DAY.

CUSTOMER
Hello, I wonder if you could
help me? I'm after a soldering iron
for my niece's fifth birthday.

SHOPKEEPER
A soldering iron, you say?

CUSTOMER
Yes... a heavy duty one, if you've
got it.

SHOPKEEPER
(uncertain)
Well... I'll just check out the
back. Won't keep you a moment.

CUSTOMER
Okay... that's fine.

THE SHOPKEEPER RETREATS TO THE STOCK ROOM AND RUMMAGES
FOR A WHILE BEFORE RETURNING WITH A BOX.

SHOPKEEPER
Here we are... 240 volts... a large
bit, and a free roll of solder in
the box. Will that do you?

CUSTOMER
Perfect!

SHOPKEEPER
That's £24.99 then, sir.

CUSTOMER
There you go.

THE CUSTOMER HANDS OVER SOME CASH, AND THE SHOPKEEPER
STARTS TAPPING THE TILL.

SHOPKEEPER
If you don't mind me saying though,
I'm not sure if a soldering iron's
an appropriate gift for a five year
old girl.

CUSTOMER
Wait... you think...

THE CUSTOMER CRACKS UP LAUGHING.

THE SHOPKEEPER NERVOUSLY JOINS IN.

CUSTOMER
No, no... the soldering iron's not
for her! I need the soldering iron
to finish off making her present!

SHOPKEEPER
Oh, sorry sir, I just presumed...

CUSTOMER
Good grief! Only a complete idiot
would give a five year old a
soldering iron as a present!

SHOPKEEPER
(chuckles)
Yes, that's what I thought.

CUSTOMER
I actually need to solder the ends
of barbed wire together on the
teddy torture chamber I'm making
for her - by the way, have you got
any six inch nails?

Liked that Stylo ... thought I knew what was coming, but didn't. It's short 'n' sweet!!!

Yep. Very Good. I liked the end. Didnt see it coming either.

Thanks for the kind words you two... I'd like to say it was short and sweet, just like me, but I'm tall and scary.

I liked it too. Nice work.

I quite liked it too, although I did guess what was going to happen. I thought it was slighly obvious that the soldering iron wasn't the gift and that the actual gift was going to worse. But the Teddy Torture Chamber line still made me laugh.

I like the idea but personally, I would have made the actual gift wildly inappropriate.

Hi Stylo

Quite liked this one but I suppose I sort of saw the end coming but the actual actual "thing" I hadn't guessed. Just the overall tone that it would be dangerous.

B

Hi Stylo,

What I really liked was the way it read like a Two Ronnies sketch. All the vital misunderstood lines came off with ease. What I wasn't that keen on, however, was the ending. I kind of guessed the tag and was hoping that it wasn't going to be. At the moment I can't suggest an alternative ending but then again, if you're happy with it, I reckon you wouldn't want one anyway. A very nice sketch. Well done.

Stylo

Funny but I saw the ending coming. Not exactly as such, but the twist. Though that is probably down to writing and studying sketches for so long, so don't let that put you off!

I think there's too much dialogue. Think you could probably cut it by about half if you take out the niceties and get to the point quicker.

Like the teddy torture chamber idea. Make me giggle.

Dan

Good just didnt expect the last line but i laughed