They don't want to end up in your routine.
Radio reject sketch, Why, do you think? Page 3
Seems that my format writing needs some attention, I'll explain in story style.
Pretty girl walking past building site
Bricklayer tries to gain her attention by saying cooooeeee
Pretty girl ignores ardent Bricklayer
Ardent bricklayer raises volume of his love call, COOOOEEEE
(I used upper case to signify this)
Pretty girl again ignores ardent bricklayer.
Irate ardent bricklayer shouts, OI, CLOTH EARS, COOOEEEEE
(again in upper case to reinforce loudness.)
Adent bricklayer's mate notices that pretty girls companion
has an unfortunate countenance.
So both workmates harmonize(quite rudely,) the first few words
of a song, popular a few years ago
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT, WOOF WOOF. Again in uppercase to show loudness.
(Ugly women are sometimes referred to as dogs or growlers.)
So, to summarise, two brick layers spot an attractive woman and heckle her. They then spot a rather less attractive woman and heckle her. The end.
Builder enters shop and asks for Fork Handles.
Shopkeeper doesn't understand request so offers Four Candles.
Builder replies, I mean handles for Forks'
The End.
Are you comparing your sketch to a Two Ronnies one and finding them equal?
The thing is, people were singing 'Who Let The Dogs Out' to ugly women years ago. If your sketch was the first time anyone had thought to do that, it might have some comedic value. But... there's just no joke, or funny moment in your sketch that I can see.
I'm saying anything can be diluted to mean almost nothing.
I was hoping for constructive criticism, perhaps yourself posting
Something entirely original, so us also rans can see how it's.
done.
I don't write comedy. In fact I hardly ever comment in critique.
This is reminding me why. 
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ March 11 2011, 9:56 PM GMTI'm saying anything can be diluted to mean almost nothing.
I was hoping for constructive criticism, perhaps yourself posting
Something entirely original, so us also rans can see how it's.
done.
OK, genuinely constructive criticism. There is no comedic trigger in your sketch at all. Two blokes singing "Who Let The Dogs Out' to a not very attractive woman is not enough for a sketch.
If you had two women passing two brickies, and the women started heckling them (whilst the brickies took offence) that is a subversion of the norm.
If you had a woman passing the brickies, who don't react to her at all, and she becomes angry and indignant because they haven't heckled her, that's a subversion of the norm.
If two brickies heckled a plain looking woman, and she shot laser beams out of her eyes and melted them, that's a subversion of the norm.
Comedy is about doing something the audience isn't expecting.
If this scene were part of a sitcom, designed to set up character traits or pre-empt a reversal later on (the brickies get their comeuppance), it would perhaps have value. In this form it has no value whatsover.
I see from Jerf's profile he is a 70yr old retired bricklayer so he is speaking from experience.
One other minor point the use of 'Cooooeeee'. You don't hear that as a greeting this side of Old Compton Street, but it adds another dimension to the sketch.
I think the Halifax did it best when they asked 'Who gives you extra'?
Quote: Nat Wicks @ March 11 2011, 3:43 PM GMTBuilders just ignore me
And me - don't mind that so much, but I also get ignored by chuggers. Don't know what's worse, looking unattractive or looking poor....
Zooo.You say you don't write comedy,I'M not surprised, with over 45000 posts your day must be filled.
Well you made me laugh anyway.
RJ. That's more like it, thank-you.
Would you take one of your alternatives and expand it into a sketch.Must be original.
It would be far more instructive than rude put-downs,generally by people who seem to have never posted for general critique,
I expected contributors to a comedy forum would be a lighthearted bunch, the girls are alright, but some of you young men sound troubled.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ March 11 2011, 10:36 PM GMTZooo.
RJ. That's more like it, thank-you.
Would you take one of your alternatives and expand it into a sketch.
Feel free to take one you like and write it yourself.
Jerf, are the only people who watch sketches on TV fellow writers? No. They are punters off the street who don't necessarily know anything about writing a sketch, nor do they care. They can only tell you if they thought it was funny or not. There is some room for people like that in critique.
Only asking other comedy writers their opinions of your work would be a very insular exercise.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ March 11 2011, 10:36 PM GMTZooo. Please don't get upset,
I'll try not to, Jerf.
have a go at writing, you never know.
Maybe one day I'll give writing a punt.
Exactly.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ March 11 2011, 10:36 PM GMTZooo.You say you don't write comedy,I'M not surprised, with over 45000 posts your day must be filled.
