Quote: Marc P @ March 12 2011, 1:33 PM GMTIf this a couple of college lads having a lark for Comic Relief then all's cool really. If you want critique on as if it were a real radio series then I guess it is a horse of a different paint job.
This!
As a bit of fun to make a bit of money for a good cause we're all behind you.
As a showcase for your talents it may not be as impressive as you think.
I just had a listen to this. I listened once all the way through to the end and then a second listen from the start to the 2 min 40sec point where Keith came in. This was because I was unable to grasp what was going on with the Mark character first time around.
The issue with the mockney accent is not that it isn't good (to be honest I thought it was a fairly reasonable mockney), but the problem is that it demands the listeners full concentration, and this pulls me away from the lines being read. Hence why I had to go back and listen to that opening section again. Subject to what I've just said I thought the performance of the Mark character was quite good but the material left me wanting. One long joke about Tuffers and cricket that went on far too long was the only thing that I could fathom from this entire episode and I'm afraid I didn't find any of it to be funny. I wasn't even sure exactly what was going on. The Keith character seemed very flat and it truly sounded like the actor had only that moment picked up the script and was reading it aloud for the first time as he was being recorded.
The positives are that I think it was a neat little production as far as all the techy bits go. I also think that James' talent lies in the area of performance, but would likely require a strong hand to keep things in check. The negatives are that the writing and editing need some work. This piece was a bit too long and I think that cutting a few bits here and there could have made things a lot punchier.
Def.
Quote: sootyj @ March 12 2011, 11:29 PM GMTMainly the accent...
I think you also are still telling a little bit, the less charactes tell us what's happening and the more we see, the better.
With the accent go for the character, more than the background. Mockney is a bit of a cliche, maybe if he was a Brummie or from Exeter?
Okay as I've said the accent will be slightly toned down and Keith's slightly toned up.
In terms of too much expository dialogue I agree and will attempt to do something about it as I write episode two right now.
Have just been reading yet another Paul McCartney biography and this bit on The Magical Mystery Tour reminded me of this thread:
'Everyone was looking for a plot. But purposely it wasn't there... We did it as a series of disconnected, unconnected events. They were not meant to have any depth,' commented Paul, defending the picture to the Daily Mirror. At least the Beatles had tried to do something different. As he said: 'We could always write and do nice things and become more famous. But we wanted to try something different... It doesn't mean that we won't go on trying.'
Was that just after he wrote Cotter get you into my life?
I think Paul's got a very good point.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ March 12 2011, 11:45 PM GMTAs a bit of fun to make a bit of money for a good cause we're all behind you.
As a showcase for your talents it may not be as impressive as you think.
Who said I thought it was impressive?
I wasn't saying you thought it was impressive.
Just that there was a possibility that it wasn't nearly as good as you thought it was.
It's only a personal opinion, besides I don't think it's really my type of humour, or I'm not managing to find it very well.
So I'll leave the thread in peace & wish you luck raising a few more Bob for Charity.
Besides it's in Showcase not Critique. so apologies.,
Okay good. I think it's a comedy that makes me a few other laughs and that's all it is to me. I don't think it's Fawlty Towers. It's fair enough that it's not your type of humour and thank you for the good luck.
Quote: James Cotter @ March 14 2011, 4:01 PM GMTWho said I thought it was impressive?
Your friend did I guess...
'Mark is a brilliant character and I am sure that after a few more episodes which will be coming very soon you will grow to love him as a character. I still don't think that Keith is getting the recognition he deserves either, again he is a fantastic character'
Also showcase... I guess... is for stuff you are impressed with to showcase your talents.
Good luck on the fund raising, four days to go what are you up to on hits for this?
Quote: Marc P @ March 14 2011, 4:21 PM GMTYour friend did I guess...
'Mark is a brilliant character and I am sure that after a few more episodes which will be coming very soon you will grow to love him as a character. I still don't think that Keith is getting the recognition he deserves either, again he is a fantastic character'
Also showcase... I guess... is for stuff you are impressed with to showcase your talents.
Good luck on the fund raising, four days to go what are you up to on hits for this?
At no point did he say it was impressive he's saying it could be impressive but he's admited himself it isn't yet.
Nearing 750 so that's £75 raised.
Sorry James I must have misunderstood fantastic and brilliant characters to be impressive in some way. 
Well done on the 75£ squid so far - that is impressive!
Quote: Marc P @ March 14 2011, 4:32 PM GMTSorry James I must have misunderstood fantastic and brilliant characters to be impressive in some way.
Well done on the 75£ squid so far - that is impressive!
Well it's all subjective isn't it Marc?
Thanks hoping to get to £100. We've also raised some money from donations too, about £15 worth.
Quote: James Cotter @ March 14 2011, 4:37 PM GMTWell it's all subjective isn't it Marc?
Well not really James, unless you write your own dictionary which could be your next project!
I am sure you will get to a hundred just it count as a hit if someone just clicks on it to see how many you are up to and doesn't watch it the whole way through?
Quote: Marc P @ March 14 2011, 4:40 PM GMTWell not really James, unless you write your own dictionary which could be your next project!
I am sure you will get to a hundred just it count as a hit if someone just clicks on it to see how many you are up to and doesn't watch it the whole way through?
No I'm going to read the dictionary as a audiobook in various different voices which actually just sound like one.
I think so.