It seemed like a good idea at the time
MILESWith the recent unrest in the middle east and in particular Libya we at newsjack would like to state categorically that we will not be performing any cheap jokes or gags this week as it is in poor taste and furthermore... Sorry excuse me... What? Well it seems that Col Gadaffi is hosting a news conference at this very moment and we are going there live with our very own Newsjack reporter Jahmelia Babi Wabi. Jahmelia what's happening on at the moment?
JAHMELIAWell Miles the colonel is just going to speak, I will try to interpret if you wish?
MILESOh good, Yes Jahmelia Thank you
FX: Very low volume murmuring in some form of Arabic all the way through with Jahmelia talking over it
JAHMELIA"Hello Tripoli" It is very nice to be here with you, I nearly didn't make it tonight, it was nothing to do with protesters or anything like the west would have you believe, No! It was my Camel, he would not move, he had the hump
FX: Canned laughter
JAHMELIATonight I was going to come here in my camouflage trousers but I could not find them
FX: Canned laughter
JAHMELIAEverything here in Tripoli is fine, there is no truth to roumour that when two fish were talking in a tank one said to the other I'll drive and you man the guns
FX: Canned laughter
JAHMELIAWhat is Brown and sticky? A stick! Or maybe a camel covered in our Libyan Oil that those western pigs want
FX: Canned laughter
JAHMELIABut not to worry everything here in Tripoli is still fine, I will just put my head out of the window (FX: A gunshot ricocheting) and Yes, it seems normal. If there were any rioters or revolutionaries out there, which there most definitely are not, then they would be high on Drugs and Alcohol like Charlie Sheen in my number one favourite comedy Two and a Half Men
FX: Canned Laughter
JAHMELIABut to be serious with you all for a moment, this is not Egypt or Tunisia. I want all of my people to know that when I bend down to avoid a low branch or low doorway it is not polite to shout like recent convert to senility Mr Ronald Regan, "Gadaffi Duck!". It is not funny and will be punishable by death. My name is Muammar Gadaffi. I plan to be here all week, at least and don't forget to tip your waitress. "Goodnight Tripoli"
FX: Canned Laughter and applause
JAHMELIAThat seems to be the end of the speech, the news conference is over
MILESWell it was at least shorter than the others and made more sense I think. Thank you Jahmelia.
