NJ: Trite Gadaffi Sketch

MILES For the people of the Middle East, revolutions are much like buses, you wait ages for one and then your house is on fire and your neighbours are stealing your things. This week as British citizens were airlifted to safety William Hague called for Colonel Gaddafi to resign. Newsjack's correspondent in Libya managed to smuggle a microphone into Gaddafi's private quarters to hear his reaction as the news broke.

F/XGOVERNMENT BUILDINGS ATMOS IN. SOUND OF ANGRY CROWD AND EXPLOSIONS IN THE DISTANCE.

AIDEMr. Ga- Sir- Colonel! The people are calling for your resignation. The eyes of the world are upon you.

GADDAFII have told you before, the devils in the western media will vilify me; they will poison the waters of my country with their insidious lies, turn the very people against me who I have struggled to protect. I have told you that my resolve is too strong to be undermined by the decadence and corruption of the western world and I have told you before I WILL NOT RESIGN (beat) until it is the wish of William Hague that I do so.

AIDEBut William Hague sir, he-

GADDAFIYes, during my last trip to England I was forced to share a room with him due to budgetary constraints. It turns out we possess many similar views, he is a wise and honourable man whose head is shiny like a precious jewel hiding the wise thoughts of a thousand men. I look back fondly on those times; he talked to me until I fell asleep (beat) at night AND several times during the day. (Rising in tempo again) So until HIS searing condemnation is thrust into my horrified face I will continue to stand tall, to believe in the belief of my people, to weather the storm no matter how fierce it may get, no matter how the elements ravage me I will-

AIDEYes but sir, we've just heard news that William Hague IS calling for you to step down.

GADDAFIOh. Ok then get the car.

F/XATMOS OUT

[END]

Hi acc,

I really enjoyed reading this, I have 2 comments/suggestions.

Perhaps the dialogue could have been broken down into more of an interchange. Secondly, the punch was a bit weak, especially considering the eloquence, maybe needs a bit of escalation, like Gaffaffi saying 'What you spoke to William Hague? Did he ask about me? He said he'd write, but he never did'. etc...

Ange right again (God, she's good!) Dialogue needs breaking up as audiences can't deal with monologues.

Funny though. First Miles line made me laugh, as did 'the wish of' and 'head is shiny like...'. All good.

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ March 4 2011, 10:58 AM GMT

Ange right again (God, she's good!) Dialogue needs breaking up as audiences can't deal with monologues.

Funny though. First Miles line made me laugh, as did 'the wish of' and 'head is shiny like...'. All good.

Dan

View original

Thanks for all the feedback. I wasn't really sure how to break it up into more of a dialogue. I guess it would be simply having someone acting the straight man but it just seemed like it would make it longer for no reason. I'll try to take all of these things into account with the next one I write.

AIDEMr. Ga- Sir- Colonel! The people are calling for your resignation. The eyes of the world are upon you.

GADDAFII have told you before, the devils in the western media will vilify me; they will poison the waters of my country with their insidious lies, turn the very people against me who I have struggled to protect. I have told you that my resolve is too strong to be undermined by the decadence and corruption of the western world and I have told you before I WILL NOT RESIGN (beat) until it is the wish of William Hague that I do so.

could be something like:

AIDE:
Mr. Ga- Sir- Colonel!

GADDAFI:
I have told you before, the devils in the western media will vilify me!

AIDE:
The people are calling for your resignation!

GADDAFI:
My resolve is too strong to be undermined by the decadence and corruption of the western world!

AIDE:
The eyes of the world are upon you!

GADDAFI:
I WILL NOT RESIGN (beat) until it is the wish of William Hague that I do so.

It's basic and still needs rewriting, but the back and forth keeps the audience interested as there's a bit of conflict/tension building. Then the joke.

Dan

That makes a lot of sense, thanks for the example. I think obviously the idea was to break the tension with the "until...william hague" line. Probably would have been more effective with a bit of interplay between the two characters.