Personally, I find tabloid media scum filling their semen-encrusted pages with limp, desperate half-truth "stories" about celebrities to be the best evidence that the human race is fundamentally doomed. Forget your Mayan 2012 calendar, columns such as the Daily Mirror's 'Wicked Whispers' - where they haven't even got the guts to name the overpaid prick they're writing about (typical teaser - "Which twenty-something Mormon pop sensation was seen feasting on the carcass of a dead squirrel in Regent's Park...?") - these are the nadir of Western civilisation. And the sooner the oil runs out and we're all forced to set-up squalid, self-sufficient, cannibalistic communities in deserted Travel Lodges on the M6, the better say I!
In the meantime, rather than having to buy a tabloid in order to read tawdry gossip about people you don't know, here's a thread where you can post completely unfounded, totally untrue rumours about the famous and celebrated - who are, remember, better than you.
Please don't post anything too plausible or - God forbid - accurate in this thread, just completely baseless (in a very legal sense) rumours/"facts"...
For example:
'Irish singer Ronan Keating has secretly set-up a multi-million pound laboratory in order to clone an exact replica of his late friend, Stephen Gately. Ronan plans to use preserved DNA found on the Majorcan sofa Gately died upon, in order to grow a new Boyzone singer in time for a world tour starting in 2013. Keating has confided to friends that the "the new Stephen will be identical in every way - except, of course, this version won't be a homosexual, thank God."' 
'Matthew Horne has denied rumours that he plans to quit showbusiness in order to concentrate on his ambition to become 'World Stare-Out Champion'. The Gavin and Stacey star said that although he was a "huge fan of never blinking", he's currently focused on re-writing all the sketches from Horne & Corden and then going round to the houses of every single person who saw the show to perform the "much funnier" sketches, in order prove them wrong. Matt refused to confirm the whispers that the re-vamped sketches won't feature roly-poly funnyman James Corden. "I haven't spoken to James except via our respective lawyers, but we're still great mates!", Horne wrote in a note attached to a brick, which was thrown through our window during the small hours of the morning! Our office certainly isn't "tidy" now, Matt! If you want to let us know "what's occurring" how about a phone call next time!?'
'Dame Elton John has revealed that he sometimes roars with insincere laughter over some of the things people believe about him. "For example" says the 63 year old Essex housewife superstar, "everyone seems to think I can play the piano. The truth is I've never played the piano in my life! I was given a Bontempi when I was a kid, but I was too busy chasing girls to learn to practice. But when you're a celebrity, people will believe anything about you! I can laugh about it now, but I hope you all get cancer soon."'
'Wicked Whispers... Which eightysomething head of the Catholic Church is such a fan of Premiership footballers that he often interrupts his hectic schedule to fly over to London and party with them in fashionable West-End nightclubs? Apparently the hedonism-loving German gets really turned-on when he and the players take a couple of paralytically-drunken teenagers back to their hotel room in order to drug and gang rape them - but he himself never takes part. "It's not that I'm worried about my millions of followers finding out and losing their faith..." the naughty Pontif confides, "...it's just that I don't do sloppy seconds!"'
Well, you get the idea...