Run it up the flagpole

SC 1 - MEETING ROOM -DAY

SEVERAL EXEC'S SIT AROUND THE TABLE AND NEV, THE BOSS, IS PRESENTING A POWERPOINT.

NEV:
So guys as you can see, a hike in call rates will give us the edge over the competition and move us to where we want to be, vis a vis market share. Any questions?

HE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM AT THE OTHERS. THEY ALL AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH HIM NOT WANTING TO BE DRAWN FUTHER INTO ANY SUBSEQUENT DISCUSSIONS.

NEV:
OK I take from that response that as nobody has any more to add, then come Monday, we're all going to be out there and kicking some ass. Yeah?

BRIAN:
Err sorry Nev, but I'm afraid that I can't go out there and kick any ass.

NEV:
Why not Brian?

BRIAN:
It's all these bloody business buzz phrases that we seem have to use these days. I'll be honest (BEAT) I can't be bothered with them any more. They just irritate me and I'm beginning to feel real rage towards anybody that I hear using them.

NEV:
Hey Brian! Don't say that the fire in the belly is going out?

BRIAN:
I'm warning you Nev! There's another one! I'm beginning to lose my control here. If I hear one more I won't be responsible for my actions. I really won't.

NEV:
Brian. Take a chill-pill amigo. I know things aren't so good at home at the moment. We all get down from time to time big guy, but just give it the weekend and you'll be back there fighting fit, hitting the home runs for the team. You'll be popping the cork on the champagne bottle. You'll be...Hey cool it big fella! Easy boy!

BRIAN TAKES OUT A GUN FROM HIS JACKET POCKET.

BRIAN:
Sorry Nev. I warned you but you've given me no choice.

HE AIMS THE GUN AT NEV AND FIRES.

NEV:
Oh shit! It' looks as if this is my last lap. I'm not going to be led into the winner's enclosure this time. The sand in my egg-timer's nearly through. I'm not ...unnhhh!

BRIAN RETURNS THE GUN TO HIS JACKET POCKET. HE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND RAISES AN EYEBROW ROGER MOORE STYLEE

BRIAN:
You didn't honestly think that I was going to use one. Did you? You did? Shame on you!

END:

Blenk, I was with this until:

BRIAN RETURNS THE GUN TO HIS JACKET POCKET. HE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND RAISES AN EYEBROW ROGER MOORE STYLEE

BRIAN:
You didn't honestly think that I was going to use one. Did you? You did? Shame on you!

END:

Everything that went before I recognised and liked but please explain the ending to me ... maybe I'm being particularly thick today!

Hi Losaaverdra

Sort of a corny ending where Brian comes out of character and talks directly to the viewer. Sort of Q8 and Monty Python territory.

The idea being that the viewer was maybe anticipating that Brian after bumping Nev off, might come out with one of those pharses that he hates so much.

Wasn't sure it really worked and it was a bit of a cop-out maybe.

Cheers

B

I did like the sketch, but I think in the last line you have to specify what "one" is, as I was similarly confused. But, other than that, it was good.

OK, indeed the 'closing' needs something clearer but otherwise good piece (dammit, I've sat through so many of those sales manager pitches they still haunt me even today, so all the front stuff was recognisable!).

It read really well, Blenky, but I would have liked at least one more line of provocation from Nev before Brian loses it. Other than that, I guess there's nothing else I can add that hasn't already been said by my fellow scribes.

Hello,

I'm not sure the subject matter is particularly fresh. I must have heard a thousand exchanges based on ludicrous management-speak.

I'm afraid I don't find the pay-off very funny, either.

Best Wishes

Hello yerself Alan and see how you like it.

I would have to agree that this is not particularly original and as I said myself, the pay-off was perhaps a tad "iffy" too.

As is often said...back to t'drawingboard - but not with this. Not one of my better efforts I think and I couldn't really give it any more than 2 out of 10 if I'm being honest.

Just bashed out and it shows. I'm posting a lot more than normal on here for me and I think that the old thing that quality suffering at the hands of quantity is true. I just want to be liked you see!! I had a troubled childhood.

Should really be concentrating on submitting better quality stuff to perhaps more "biz based" outlets rather than posting here willy-nilly.

Thanks for the reality check.

Buenos noches & toodle-pip as they say in Spain and Spaghetti Westerns, though if Lee Van Cleef heard that sort of thing he may hold whoever said it up to no small amount of ridicule.

B

I got the ending myself. A good piece in my view, as someone who hates the metaphores to. I may be out of touch, but i cannot recall many, i am sure they are, but none come to mind.

Thanks for your positive comments Walker.

Glad that you enjoyed this but I'm still not so sure. It does have some shortcomings and it feels a bit tired and lacking sparkle and bite.

I've seen things that refer to management mumbo-jumbo in the past but like you, I don't know how widespread they are. Though I do remember Not the 9 O'clock News having done something in this field. I can see Mel Smith in my mind's eye saying "Big Bankers"