I could do with some fresh air
So fricking bad
Think it must have been last nights kebab
Don't wanna leave the contents of
my stomach on the street
looking at the carrots and the meat
Oh every time I close my eyes
My head spins and I feel like shite
If only I'd slowed down last night
Oh I, I swear. I won't get up the stairs
Unless I get some fresh air
INT. OFFICE. DAY
THREE MEN IN THEIR 40S ARE IN A ROOM. JAMES PHELPS (MANAGER) AND STEFAN (HEAD OF HR) ARE ON ONE SIDE OF THE TABLE WHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE, TED BRIARS IS SETTLING HIMSELF INTO A CHAIR AWKWARDLY
STEFAN
So... Mr Briars. You sent the MD a somewhat offensive email last Friday asking for a pay rise. Which is why your line manager and I have called this disciplinary meeting.
TED
Erm. I don't know what you're talking about.
JAMES (HOLDING UP A PRINT-OUT)
Admit it, Ted - you got ratted at lunch, came back and sent this off... I quote: "Oi, fanny-batter-breath give me a cocking pay rise for shit's sake or I'll stick my fist up your arse."
TED LOOKS A LITTLE SHAME-FACED
STEFAN
Now, unfortunately that's gross misconduct and requires instant dismissal...
TED
What? You can't!
STEFAN
So, it's with regret that...
TED
But I didn't mean... I... I... I'm sick.
STEFAN
Sick? In what way?
JAMES
Rubbish. You may have got sick after that skinful, but...
STEFAN
Shush - let him speak. If he's ill then he deserves our support and help.
TED
That's right - I've got Tourette's. But, um - only when I write.
STEFAN
Oh, you poor thing.
JAMES
Poor?... What the?... There is no such thing!
STEFAN
(TO JAMES) We don't know that. (TO TED) Is this your doctor's diagnosis... Ted? May I call you Ted?
TED
Well, I've been too embarrassed to tell my doctor. But I can prove it - give me some paper.
STEFAN HANDS HIM HIS NOTEBOOK
STEFAN
Good idea. Try writing something on here... Ted.
TED SCRIBBLES AND STEFAN LOOKS OVER SYMPATHETICALLY
STEFAN
Oh that's terrible. You poor soul.
JAMES GRABS THE BOOK AND READS ALOUD
JAMES
"I feel shitting-well embarrassed that you and cock-nostrils have found out about my affliction." - What the f**k? You weaselly little turd-burglar! You think you can get away with that wanking useless excuse?
STEFAN IS VISIBLY SHOCKED BY THE OUTBURST AND TED, SEEING THE AFFECT ON THE HR MAN, FEIGNS SHOCK HIMSELF
TED
Oh! Oh, dear... I feel emotionally violated. I'm hurt and traumatised by that attack against my illness - I may sue!
STEFAN (COLLECTING HIMSELF)
Quite right, Ted. I'm afraid, Mr Phelps, that you've completely over-stepped the mark. You have abused a co-worker and I must warn you that this amounts to gross-misconduct. I shall be taking this to the MD with Ted, here, as a witness.
JAMES (FUMING AT THE SMIRKING TED)
What the?... But that's ridiculous, you see - I... yeah - I've got Tourette's. I mean proper Tourette's, although I haven't gone to my doctor either because... erm... I'm also too embarrassed to admit it.... (AS AN AFTER-THOUGHT) Twat, arse, knob-cheese.
STEFAN (TAKEN ABACK)
Really?
JAMES
Yes, um... felch-burger, it's true.
TED
What a load of old...
TED STOPS HIMSELF FROM BLURTING ANYTHING OUT AND GRABS STEFAN'S NOTEBOOK, SCRIBBLING FURIOUSLY BEFORE HANDING IT BACK TO STEFAN
STEFAN (READING ALOUD)
"The twatting, lying sausage-jockey! He hasn't got bollocking Tourette's!"
JAMES REACHES FOR THE BOOK BUT REALISES HE DOESN'T NEED IT
JAMES
(TO STEFAN) Oh - I can say it, can't I? (TO TED) I twatting-well do you ball-licking labia-brain!
TED REACHES FOR THE NOTEBOOK BUT STEFAN FLINGS IT AWAY AND PUTS HIS HANDS OVER HIS EARS
STEFAN
Shut up!! I can't stand it any more!!!
HE LEAPS ON THE TABLE AND DANCES AROUND MANICALLY BEFORE HE TUGS HIS TROUSERS DOWN AROUND HIS ANKLES AND WAVES HIS HAIRY ARSE IN THE FACES OF A SHOCKED TED AND JAMES
STEFAN
La la la-la laaa, tra la-la la-lee. F**k you both - you're a couple of shit-stick lying bum-holes
JAMES
What on earth are you doing?
STEFAN
Well, you know what? I've got all-singing-all-dancing Tourette's so take that... and that!!
STEFAN TURNS, GYRATES HIS PELVIS AND THEN THRUSTS IT AT EACH OF THEM BEFORE PULLING UP HIS TROUSERS AND RUNNING FROM THE ROOM
(A BEAT)
TED
Good God - I had no idea you could get singing and dancing Tourette's.
JAMES (SHAKING HIS HEAD)
That poor guy really is sick.
END
Kasm by a chasm.
Kasm + 
otterfox
Shirl the Whirl for that disgusting rhyme.
Kasm
Kasm
Shirl the Whirl for something I always wanted to get round to myself! And being very funny.
Timbo.
Shirl the Whirls disgustingly good song gets my vote.
Kasm.
Shirl the Whirl
Kasm
Has to be Kasm