Any feedback welcome - the premise of my sitcom

My sitcom is based around two characters that my comedy partner and I perform regularly and have had some success with.

The main character characters, Xander Zanii and Lily Von Lieberslieder, are a demented duo of 'contemporary theatre makers' from a privileged background, intent on living the bohemian lifestyles while maintaining the luxuries that they are accustomed to. Xander is a post-punk dandy and womaniser while Lily, his ex-wife and associate director, is a bitter gothabilly diva. With no one else to tolerate them, the argumentative pair struggle to keep their place in the avant-garde, work the funding system and make 'relevant' and 'contemporary' work. Their efforts are regularly hampered by their decadent, substance abusing antics, vitriolic arguments, acid tongues and their tendancy to condescend and offend.
Other characters include Lucy, Xander's efficient and sensible niece who works as his company administrator and tries to keep the porjects on track and Melanie - the useless, superficial daughter of a film production mogul. Xander tries to find suitable vehicles for Melanie as she is employed as an assistant, but is mainly there because of her Dad and because Xander rather fancies her.

Any feedback would be fantastic.
Cheers.

Put some of the script up

Here's some...

Suburban Bohemia
by Todd Barty

(The setting includes a bed with trendy ethnic looking bedding, a sofa with a similar throw rug, a coffee table, a vanity with a basin and personal hygene products scattered around, a desk with a computer and a bar. With the sound of a click and a buzz, Xander Zanii wakes up and sits up in the bed. He is pale, tall and slightly plump. He has eyeliner that his smudged and his hair, obviously styled into spikes the previous night, is now unkempt. He wears satin pyjamas and a kimono that hangs open.)

Xander: (Looking at audience) Morning chaps, were not ready yet, hold on.

(He shakes a lump that is in the bed next to him.)

Xander: Darling, the camera men are here, darling...

( He pulls the bedding aside to reveal a cushion and a pillow. He is crestfallen.)

Xander: (To audience). Must've had an early start.

(Standing and straightening up.)

Xander: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I, for those of you so sheltered that you don't know me, am Xander Zanii and this is the first day of my art research and development mission in the regional city of Townsville (or insert regional city name). Just bear with me... you can edit this later...

(Xander goes to the basin and puts toothpaste on his toothbrush.)

Xander: I'm quite well known for my contributions to the avant-garde over the years. Excuse me...

(Xander brushes and spits. He sticks out his tongue and scrapes it with the brush, then spits distastefully.)

Xander: You might have heard of my German Expressionist inspired multi-media rave installations... (Rinses mouth)... or my dance/theatre piece - The Thousand Eyes of Caligari.
But were here because we .. Are you taping?... Because this would be good for publicity... We're interested in engaging with... diverse communities... by reflecting the present and the prescient past in... accessible hybrid works... with the participation of a broad demographic... how's that?!
Now...

(Takes some tablets for the bar and puts them in in his mouth.)

Xander: Today...

(Picks up a bottle and takes a swig. Squints and looks at the bottle - it is 'Cinzano'. He puts it down and picks up a bottle of water and guzzles.)

Xander: Today my associate director Lily Von Lieberslieder - who you probably know from the cabaret circuit - is coming to join us.

(Xander sits down at the computer.)
Xander: Let's see... I get piles of emails, you have no idea...

(Xander squints to read. He looks around and picks up a magnifying glass and reads the screen through it.)

Xander: Shit... what time is it... she'll be here...

(Xander runs off and returns with Lily.)

Lily: What a dump.

Xander: Hello Lily.

Lily: Early nineties bourgeois kitsch.

Xander: Its free.

Lily: Get rid of this would you.

Xander: Did you just have this in the car then?

Lily: You bring me to this horrible place...

Xander: Lily has a problem with alcohol...

Lily: No I don't, I drink it, I enjoy it, no problem!

(Lily sits. They laugh)

Xander: We were married... very briefly. It was annulled.

Lily: We passed out straight after the reception and had a fight when we woke up....

Xander: One week later...

Lily: Then we got it annulled.

Xander: Still good friends, though.

Lily: You'd make a friend stay here?

Xander: We can put it as in kind contribution...

Lily: Don't talk about grants to me.

Xander: You've never stayed awake long enough to write one.

Lily: I don't want to be here, Xander?

Xander: Lily, we've been over this in Sydney.

Lily: I don't want to do this.

Xander: Its a regional conversation.

Lily: I don't like regional work.

Xander: Only because you got find for punching a community development officer.

Lily: She was coming at you with a knife.

Xander: She was cutting a cake!

Lily: Ah, shut up.

Xander: There's money in it, Lily - we've got regional and remote, at risk youth, Indigenous, Non-
English Speaking, Elderly we have it all covered in this one...

Lily: Get me a drink.

Xander: You're doing the women's stuff.

Lily: What have they got.

Xander: Lucy's not a big drinker...

Lily: Uh...

Xander: There's half a bottle of Cinzano here...

(Xander starts making drinks.)

Lily: Who is she?

Xander: My niece - she does promotions.

Lily: Where is she?

Xander: Lives with her fiancee.

Lily: Oh, Liz's kid.

Xander: Yes.

Lily: Oh, that little bitch...

Xander: She's been very helpful.

Lily: I can't believe someone actually wants to marry her.

Xander: She's a nice girl, Lily.

Lily: Boys want a bad girl.

Xander: Perhaps but I don't think they're looking for some demented old ash tray with
implants.

Lily: Bastard.

Xander: Extra Dry and Lemon. There are a couple of cleanskins there too.

Lily: Shit.

Xander: Anyway Lily, you would know about this regional stuff if you'd stay awake for long
enough at an arts conference.

Lily: I do!

Xander: I had to put your sunglasses so that no one would notice. I convinced the people next to us that you were a blind mute from the Arts Inclusion. Network.

Lily: I just keep them on now.

Xander: Probably a good thing.

Lily: Are you insinuating that my face needs covering.

(Xander brings the drinks over.)

Xander: Here..

Lily: I'm not the one who looks like a fat raccoon.

Xander: Really? Lose the sunglasses.

Lily: Piss off.

Xander: Some of the people we're working with have rarely ever been to a theatre or an art gallery,
Lily. They get food from those multinationals our parents have shares in - sometimes they
eat it out of plastic. Their clothes are brightly coloured and shapeless. The live in houses
with low ceilings, in suburbs, rather than lofts and refurbished factories in the city and
they shop at those sprawling, neon-lit emporia... Shopping centres...

Lily: The ones with all the concrete around?

Xander: Yes.

Lily: And the words... 'Enter', 'Exit'...

Xander: Yes those...

Lily: And the painted lines...

Xander: Yes, Lily.

Lily: Ghastly.

Xander: I know, Lily... but its their culture. We have to be sensitive.

Please read it... You all have special comedy powers...

Pronounced Zah-nee.

The story that develops is him persuading both Lily and his niece, Lucy to help him in his venture. This is just a chunk from the beginning of the show.

Thanks, Griff! That was helpful - maybe I need to set up where the story is heading at the beginning of the convesation.

Anyone else have any criticisms or comments? I would love to hear anything.
More Please!

I agree with Griff. Great dialogue and characters, but needs a storyline. Once you've sorted that out, you'll be sailing!

Perhaps, also, you could emphasise more on the characters' condescending tone. The description of them reminds me of the "avant-garde" pseuds from the Hancock film The Rebel. It always shows skill when you can sucessfully mock pretension.

Hope this is of help

Best wishes!

Haha!! Yeah, Hancock was so pretentious in the film it was difficult to stay still! Ace film, though. I loved the pretension of Hancock in the radio broadcast "The Poetry Society", too. That was brilliant. Galton & Simpson were masters at that type of parody.

(EDIT: Second time I spelled pretension wrong and had to re-edit, d-oh!)

I agree with the other comments. I like it very much, it is funny. The only thing I didn't like was the name Xander but that's just a personal comment

I seem to be having similar problems to you. I have a bunch of characters and plenty of good lines, dialogue stockpiled home here, but I just cannot find the formula to turn all these magical ideas into half hour shows. I was advised that a comedy drama may well be better for me, it could be better for you too.

Also, am I right in thinking you watch a lot of Frasier, Spaced and Ab Fab?

Frasier and Ab Fab - yes.

All very helpful - anyone else today?

I think it's Absolutely Fabulous, unfortunately so will any judges who read it.

do me a favour and comment on all ages on stripes, my work posted on here, ta.