British Comedy Guide

This week's newsjack one line rejects

This weeks rejects any advice welcome

- Message for Mr Jupp. I can't say too much because of doctor patient confidentiality but please phone us back because you have something that rhymes with splamydia

- Miles, stop putting your own brand of crisps on my shelves pretending to be a part of the comic relief four. No one wants Ketc-jupp crisps

- Reports say the NHS are failing to care for the elderly. That's not true I've been sat in A and E for 2 days and I'm 27

- A councilor who called an Asian colleague a coconut is standing down in May. Well she's bounty

- Berlusconi is getting a sex change he loves women so much he's becoming one it's- Oh no wait it says sex charge

- Berlusconi is facing trial for a sex charge, guess he is paying for his sex life

- Apparently three quarters of Britons gambled last year, the others voted for labour

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