Epic fail no. 1
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E-RADIO 4
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MILES:
This week, the BBC Trust told Radio 4 to appeal more to the lower classes. So they immediately got rid of the BBC Trust.
CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER IS GEORDIE WOMAN OFF E4
C. A.:
... so, that's the 90-second showbiz gossip. Now, as you have the attention span of a goldfish with Alzheimer's, let's have a look at what's coming up here on E-Radio 4. Next up we start the mid-morning with 'Today', presented by John Humphrys and his posse...
F/X: INAPPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF LAUGHING SUBSIDES
HUMPHRYS:
So, President Mubarak, given that you've now stood down, I think it's important you have a guess at this:
F/X: SOMEONE BLOWING A RASPBERRY. POSSE LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY. PHONE HANGS UP.
HUMPHREYS:
(STIFLES LAUGHTER) I don't think he's playing any part in that game. I can't believe I used to do this show sober. Right, over to Comedy Evan for the Monkey Business...
C.A.:
Immediately, bar another interruption from me as you'll have forgotten by then, followed by Jordan with 'Slappers' Hour'.
JORDAN:
Awright! So, who fancies getting married again soon? Kerry?
KATONA:
Too right, Jordan. And I tell ya wot: my wedding's gonna be the fattest, gypsiest of 'em all!
F/X: BOTH CACKLE
C.A.:
And we finish with MC Kirsty-Kirst taking us deep into the early afternoon with 'Desert Island Rave'
F/X: PUMPING MUSIC FLYING OUT OF SPEAKERS. EVERYONE CHEERING AND DANCING.
KIRSTY YOUNG:
(SHOUTING) Bring the beat back! That's what I'm talking about! So, N-Dubz' Dappy!? Why the next track?!
DAPPY:
'Koz it'z cool like. Selecta'!
KIRSTY:
(SHOUTING) Let's! Pump! It! Up!
F/X: MUSIC PUMPS OUT LOUDER
C.A.:
So, that's your morning sorted out. I'll be along midway through the next programme to remind you what you're listening to. (PAUSE, THEN SOBBING) Jesus, my agent told me I can only go up the ladder, you know? Nothing about it collapsing on me...
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