After last weeks totally innapropriate stuff I thought I might have stood a chance this week. Never mind, start again. Here are just a few of the best of my worst
NEWSFOX STINGS
Newsfox serving your news with Super size fries and a Diet Coke
Or
Newsfox, News with a side of everything and Diet Coke
Newsfox because Mel Gibson's Australian
NEWSFOX REPORTS
ANNOUNCER 1In North Korea this week little dictator Kim Jong Il pledged his support to the people of Egypt and congratulated them on ousting President Obama Mubarack adding that it was a mistake to elect him in the first place. An hour later the sound of state executions could be heard outside the Presidential Palace and a further announcement was made that of course the Supreme Leader knew Barrack and Mabarrack were different people and was just showing his commie sense of humour.
ANNOUNCER 2I just love little oriental people.
ANNOUNCER 1And finally in our special news report. Tonight at Ten, due to BBC America's decision to cut Racist Remarks about Mexicans from their top motoring show Top Gear before it's U.S airing this week we ask,
ANNOUNCER2Why are Mexicans Lazy, Feckless and Flatulent? Later tonight on Newsfox.
NEWSJACK APPS
I for one am glad that the advertising standards authority has been granted permission to regulate indecent or misleading information on the internet and am looking forward to the claims that Nick Clegg is a Liberal Democrat being removed from their website.
After the Electrocution of two racehorses at Newbury this week I was disappointed to find my online bookmaker only gave me Odds of 3-1 on Frankenstein's Return in the 3.30.
It emerged this week that The Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls is trying too hard to live up to his job title. I personally saw him on Tuesday in his constituency of Morley, Leeds with Cliff Richard and Hank Marvin.
Errm message for Miles, This is the Whitney Houston lookalike you booked for 10.30 at your Hotel this evening, just to let you know I will be running a little late.
A SKETCH
MILESThames Water announced earlier this week that they are planning a massive "super sewer" to replace London's old and quite frankly broken down Victorian sewer system. Thames Water state the old system is struggling to cope as both Boris Johnson and the city grows. At a projected cost of £3.6bn the 20-mile tunnel could be as large as the Channel Tunnel, and would significantly reduce the amount of sewage polluting the Thames. Instead of wasting all of that money in these fiscally challenging times, why don't they just use the Channel Tunnel instead? It is longer at just over 31 miles so if Boris has a curry they could fit more of it in, and the French probably wouldn't even notice the smell.
STORY FOLLOWING ON IF YOU WISH, REGARDING SKI HELMETS FROM FEB 11TH WITH MILD ANDY GRAY JOKE
Staying with our European Union partners, this week at The University of Innsbruck, sports scientists have said that research has shown ski helmets reduce head injuries by 35% in adults and 59% in children. They have also recommended that they are included in ski hire packages to protect tourists against head injuries. We sent our new sports correspondent Andy Gray to the slopes of Austria to find out more.
FX: Austrian oom pah music on an accordion
ANDYThank you Miles I am here with Austrian researcher Ingrid Von Hammer. (Sexily) Hello Ingrid
INGRID(Stereotypical happy friendly carefree Austrian accent) Hello
ANDYYou have very nice pigtails
INGRIDThank you ha ha Yah
ANDYYou have conducted research in to the safety aspects of helmets on the slopes
INGRIDYa Indeed
ANDYHow would you like to see my Helmet love?
INGRIDYou have Helmet? This is good, Yah
ANDYDo you want to see it?
INGRIDYour Helmet? Yah
FX: A Zipper sounds and Ingrid screams
MILESWell, errm thank you Ladies and Gentlemen, and thank you Andy Gray, I think. I am sorry, I told them it was a bad idea. At least they didn't go with the Jeremy Clarkson interview with the Mexican boxer Erik Morales, although the more I think about it the better I imagine it would have been
I also included a movie trailer outlining the decisions by Oxford and Cambridge to increase fees to full fees called Educating Rita 2, No Education and a Sketch about the capture of the Somali Pirate Mother ship last Saturday morning with a reference to Pirates of the Carribean. I might have to leave this weeks stuff until Monday morning or go more mainstream