Rejected - Bah!
MILES:
Where would we be without books? And no, I'm not talking about Peter Andre's living room, I'm talking about the UK after recent cuts to library funding. When her local library closed, entrepreneur Gladys Shrimp saw an opportunity, and decided to start her own library. Hello Gladys.
GLADYS:
Shhhh. Sorry, sorry, been practising that a lot recently. Force of habit.
MILES:
So, how's the new library going?
GLADYS:
Well it's early days Miles. We've got some shelves, some reading tables and lots of 'Quiet Please' signs
MILES:
And books?
GLADYS:
Of course. What's a library without books?
MILES:
A really, really quiet room?
GLADYS:
Indeed.
MILES:
Isn't buying books very expensive though? Otherwise the public library wouldn't have closed?
GLADYS:
They are very expensive, which is why I've asked my family and friends to help me write most of them for free. That's the clever part of my business plan.
MILES:
Clever or insane?
GLADYS:
Like most things in life Miles, it all depends on how much you've had to drink.
MILES:
What about copyright?
GLADYS:
We're not stupid. We're not rewriting them exactly. A few changes here and there. The public won't notice. I've brought some samples for you.
FX Sound of rustling paper
MILES:
(reading from book)Pride OR Prejudice by G Shrimp
GLADYS:
I'll sign it for you later if you want.
MILES:
Hmmm. (reading from book)Miss Bennet was all a fluster. Mr Darcy played by Colin Firth, emerged from the water, his tight pants clinging to his firm thighs. Despite the cold, the sight of Miss Bennet had completely cured his stuttering.
GLADYS:
I quite like that one, it cuts straight to the chase, and has a nice modern touch, with him being in the King's Speech.
MILES:
(reading from book) Cider PLEASE Rosie. By Janice Smith?
GLADYS:
My niece, she's a barmaid.
MILES:
I'm sorry but this is nonsense, look at all this. Mice Men seems to be about pest control. My Bleak House is a decorating guide and I'm guessing Brian, Mitch and a Wardrobe is by some removal men you met? I shudder to think what The Moby Dick is about.
GLADYS:
My great Aunt Hilda wrote that. Didn't know she had it in her.
FX SOUND OF RUSTLING PAPER
MILES:
At least this one looks a bit professional. Shocking prose though. Who wrote this, your bin man?
GLADYS:
That's my copy of the Da Vinci Code.
MILES:
Best of luck Gladys.
. It doesn't quite work afterwards though. I think you need to get to the alternative book titles much quicker, if that's the central idea of the sketch. Even then, they did library closures in last week's show, so is it likely they would do something with that theme this week as well?