I would appreciate some feedback on this topical sketch please.
INT. HEADMASTER’S OFFICE. DAY
A PUBLIC SCHOOL BOY AGED 16 HAS BEEN CALLED TO THE HEADMASTER’S OFFICE.
HEADMASTER PRESSES INTERCOM BUTTON ON HIS DESK
Headmaster
Would you ask Parkinson to come in please.
F/X KNOCK ON THE DOOR
Headmaster
Come.
ENTER PARKINSON AGED 16
Parkinson
You wanted to see me sir?
Headmaster
Yes Parkinson. Sit down boy. It’s about your mental health questionnaire that you filled in yesterday.
Parkinson
Oh yes sir. Anything wrong? I did complete all the questions.
Headmaster
Wrong! I have it in front of me. Let me just read a few of your answers and then we’ll see what you have to say.
Question 1. Have you been feeling happy?
You answered: No, I hate dwarves.
Parkinson
Well they are horrid and I hate the little bastards with their silly hats and tiny stubby hands singing all the time. They should be culled.
Question 2. Have you been feeling close to other people?
You answered: Yes, especially the new student teacher Mr Stalker who teaches biology.
Parkinson
Yes sir, he likes some of the boys to help with his equipment after class.
Really. Question 3. Have you felt loved recently?
You answered: See answer to question 2. What the hell does that mean?
Parkinson
Mr Stalker is very helpful sir. He’s put a lot into me lately.
Headmaster
Well, I’m appalled by your answers and it’s obvious to me that you need a lot psychiatric help and some aversion therapy. You leave me no alternative.
Parkinson
I can’t help myself sir. Please don’t expel me. Please don’t.
Headmaster
Expel you? I was going to ask you to be the next leader of the young conservatives club. You are well qualified and have the right experience. Will you do it?
Parkinson
That’s disgusting sir. Who do you think I am?
PARKINSON WALKS OUT.
HEADMASTER PRESSES INTERCOM BUTTON ON HIS DESK.
Headmaster
Would you ask Mr Stalker to come in please.
