Yes I am reading but from a far at the moment as I check through the draft with editor. Once we're done with epsiode we'll have something to sell,sell,sell. If anyone want to try their hand at synopsis while their waiting that'd be great ta.
Devils Blurb Episode 1 Feedback Page 3
We'll also have to think about future plots. Not yet, but soon enough.
Quote: charley rance @ June 11, 2007, 3:45 PMGood point chipo. About the sypnosis & the fact I am quite attractive.
Were you drunk???
Don't get carried away. He only said QUITE attractive!
I know he did David. Dont rub it in. just rub it hard. 
Not a lot of activity going on around here at the moment.
Well lets all have a wee go at writing a sypnosis. I will do my version later.
Okay I have had a go. I am sure someone can come up with something more appealing.
Dev Ellison and his new apprentice have a very important job to do. They must collect a certain amount of souls in a short period of time. If they succeeds Wahey! Should they fail, well let’s just say there will be hell to pay.
Can Dev fill his quota, will his manager the demonic Elza Bob turn the tables on him. What about the Holy Christian, who is forever over his shoulder , trying to talk the souls onto the righteous path. Who is this elusive newcomer his apprentice Cat?
Dev Ellison has a very important job to do. God help us all.
Sorry guys it's my fault not much has happened I've been running through things with editor to realy back to you.
but if you want have a look at whats been done so far and feed back on comments.
Quote: charley rance @ June 17, 2007, 4:54 PMDev Ellison and his new apprentice have a very important job to do. They must collect a certain amount of souls in a short period of time. If they succeeds Wahey! Should they fail, well let’s just say there will be hell to pay.
I seem to remember most of the concept was Charley's so XXXXXXXXXXXXX.
Is the above a bit like a competition between the different "agencies" maybe - or trying to maybe get in Guinness Book of Records?
David dont put that there. Norman will come & poop all over the whole thing with his mighty ermmmmmmmm! Arse.
Quick EDIT IT!!!!!!! Anyhoo dont leave it all to me. I will ruin it all. LOL.
Quote: Gavin @ June 17, 2007, 7:03 PMSorry guys it's my fault not much has happened I've been running through things with editor to realy back to you.
but if you want have a look at whats been done so far and feed back on comments.
I didn't notice much of a difference between that script and the last draft.
Formatting has been sorted out alot of grammer errors have also been sorted I dujnno if you saw the comments and wanted to discuss them?
oh okay. I was looking for additional/alternative scenes and dialogue. I'll have a look at the comments.
Ok I've had comments back fro editor on whole thing now.
http://greenmanmedia.co.uk/DevilBlurbV1.doc
these are comments we recieved out side the edited document
Good plot, some nice gags. Maybe work in how you introduce the characters and their roles more gently than the massive Bob speech. Dialogue generally good, but with a tendency esp in the early part to run seperate sentences into one long sentence.
I liked interplay of Dev and Bob. But not much chemistry with Cat and him but I suspect it's for a reason. The end I had an idea of the cliffhanger but no understanding why Dev would have a proposition that would interest Jeremy as the love of his life is dead.Jeremy tended to be too flowery in his speech with others but that may be intended esp when he referred to charlotte in speaking with others as his 'beautiful' wife.
The waiter said sir a lot. In real life they would, but in reading a comedy script it does flood the brain. Comedy imitates life but not exactly. When we've established the Sir relationship phase out the number of sirs, esp when they start going beyond the normal 'dialogue' of waiter and client. The waiter can drop the sirs then as he's talking with Jeremy rather than relating purely as a servant.
Well done, it's a mammoth operation, and you've done it quickly and efficiently.
and I totally agree Well done guys we've done fantastically well getting this far, we have picked a difficult project and seen it through I hope when we're finished this'll be a piece we'll all be proud of.
Any way thats enough arse slapping. If you can all read the .doc and post your views on the remaining comments by 7 on sunday the 24th we can wrap up ep.1.
Quote: Gavin @ June 21, 2007, 7:30 AMAny way thats enough arse slapping.
You can never have enough Arse Slapping!
As far as the script is concerned, I like the characters, I think the story flows quite well and overall it's good, but it could be funnier. I've already posted some ideas regarding dialog add-ons/changes. One more thing, I really think it should be Catherine who says "I've got something that might interest you" at the end. This shows that she's accepted her new responsibilities and is willing to carry them out.
