More from the keen gardeners

INT: GARDEN SHED - DAY

A woman ( JANE ) is standing in a plant pot, wearing a dressing gown. Dirt covers her feet and ankles. She is spraying a hose pipe full blast into her open mouth. Her husband ( DOMINIC ) enters.

DOMINIC
The taxi will be here at half past. Jane, for Christ's sake we haven't even got out the front door and you're already at it.

JANE
I'll be fine. Just getting in the mood. It's been ages since we last went out.

DOMINIC starts trimming off bits of his clothes using some secateurs from a nearby workbench.

DOMINIC
Maybe because last time, you got drunk and told that guy the joke about the Oak and the Silver birch.

JANE:
He didn't look deciduous.

DOMINIC opens a drawer in the workbench.

SFX : Bees buzzing

DOMINIC slams the drawer shut.

DOMINC
They'd better not be yours. Please tell me there's another explanation.

JANE:
Of course they're mine.

DOMINC
Am I not enough for you is that it?

JANE:
Oh don't be so dramatic. I don't make a fuss when you ask me to wear the flower press. I get on with it.

JANE picks up some liquid fertiliser and applies it to her face and neck.

DOMINIC:
What's wrong with a bit of cotton wool dipped in milk?

JANE:
Just an aid to the natural chlorophyll.

DOMINIC:
Why don't you just inject horse shit directly into your face and be done with it.

JANE:
Honestly, Dom, if you were any more common, you'd have wombles.

DOMINIC
Jane. I live in a three bedroom house and all three of them have an en-suite patio .

JANE
Yes, with a rusty bike with two flat tires leaning on a mouldy, broken fridge.

DOMINIC
The bio-orgainc toilet was your idea.

END.

Er, don't get it...?

Thanks for reading Trollheart. I suppose it might be a bit strange. It's based on the idea of a family with an unhealthy obsession with gardening.

Here is some earlier episodes in the way of context.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/17081/

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/17852/

Cheeky bump as I would like to know if this is really that bad?

It had me somewhat flummoxed I'm afraid.

The characters' actions seem so random that I had to read it twice to see if I'd missed some snippet of information that might provide some context.

And the dialogue just seemed to add another level of confusion. I didn't really get the relationship between the characters and the dialogue's oddness didn't help matters.

To be honest, I didn't find it funny - but that may be because I had little idea what was going on. Perhaps if this was one of a series and the characters and world they inhabit had already been well established then it might be a different matter.

Sorry if this sounds overly negative.

Bo.

Thanks for your comments Bo. I know it is a weird and somewhat baffling concept, and initially when I wrote the first ones I was surprised at the slightly positive response so I thought I'd try another. But, what ever made the previous ones passable seems to be missing from this one, even though at the time it felt better.

Essentially they are a bickering couple who have an underlying obsession with gardening which is what drives the dialogue.

Thanks again for taking the time and the helpful feedback. I shall certainly think about it.

I think you need to impose some sort of structure. A lead-in that suspends the reveal that they are plant pot people might help. Then the dialogue needs to come to an ultimate point/punch that complements the surreal notion that these people grow from soil. Otherwise it feels directionless.

Hi Corey, cheers for the feedback. I see what you mean about structure, I think I'll try to re-jig based around that. Thanks.

I can see where this is going and there's something really big sand good in there

But a bit more structure would help a lot

Fair comment Sooty. Compared to the previous ones this one has even less structure, I can see that now. The trouble I'm having is getting the idea a cross that they are normal human beings albeit with strange behaviors and not some plant/human freaks. Cheers for the comments though.